I’m thinking too much about life and death lately. I have to let some of it out. My lovely computer, who adores me and lives only to serve, whispers, “Tell me, Sarah. I want to hear it all.” Here you go, baby.
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I heard today that Bruce Bourgault died. I thought he was getting better. In the midst of his illness, he would stop by my blog. Me, a girl he knew only through the computer, and he’d leave me the nicest comments. He liked me and wanted me to feel encouraged. That man was SPECIAL and I hope his family can truly understand that there is affection for him spread all over this earth. I only knew him as much as we can learn each other online, but I know he was one of a kind. He is and will be sorely missed.
My uncle is battling a very aggressive cancer. He has had brain surgery for the second time in just a few months. He is buying time in little chunks, and it doesn’t come cheap.
A kid that my daughter really liked died this week. A possible suicide, just 21 years old. It’s the first time she’s lost someone she knew, and it rocked her to the core. Tall One learned grief yesterday, and it's a painful thing for a Momma to watch. But oh, we hurt so much worse for his Momma.
I’m thinking about life and death way too much. Enough already, please.
I feel helpless and bruised. I realize that I have far less control and so fewer choices than I would have thought. Our lives, for the most part, are out of our hands.
Knowing me as I do, that is probably a good thing.
I will gladly leave my fate in my Creator’s hands. I am too close to see the big picture and my choices would likely be selfish ones. When I wish that things might have gone another way, I will try to remember that the decisions were made by one so much greater than me.
My time here is best spent on people. I can’t take any of my so called “valuables” with me, but I do believe we’ll see each other again when we’re done here. People may leave us, but the connections last beyond the grave. I believe it totally.
Tomorrow I’ll be participating in a Breast Cancer Awareness Walk. The survivors will wear pink T-shirts, the rest of us will be in white. Those warriors in pink, they know what I’m saying so poorly here. Having fought for their lives, they could tell you that people are what matter above all.
All this pain and loss is a lesson to me. It’s my job to learn it, so hopefully I won’t need a refresher course too soon. Live now, love now. Make it last.
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