When Your Parent Needs to Go to An Adult Care Home, What About Their Home

Jayne, it sounds to me like you and your mom are on the same page.  I just know from experience that moving too quickly often ends in regrets, I think you have a handle on it.  As I said your mom is lucky to have you and you to have her.  The bonds are so irreplaceable but yet they stay with you always. Not easy always to "grow in your years" in the way one would like.  The best of thoughts your way.

Hi Tammy, I am so glad your mother is in good health, that is also what I hope for myself in the years to come.  Would she be open to a discussion about creating a trust that she is in control of, with a trustee on as well to take over when she is no longer able to handle her affairs?  It might be a way to go especially if things could get ugly in the future.  Then when she is no longer able to handle the trust the trustee takes over.  I believe this is the way my husband and his brother handled the matter.  The thought of not being in control is the fear that holds many people and when they find out they are in control then it might not be an issue any longer.  Just a thought, an trust attorney would know.

Gloria, I am sorry your mother fell and broke her hip a very painful experience.  It sounds as though you are doing what will work for her.  I am glad my husband, brother and his parents had the foresight and the wisdom to form the trust with the provisions they did.  It has made everything so much easier.

Very nice comments and information, very valuable.  Thank you so much.

Thank You Sylvie,

Time passes so quickly and many things happen along the way and before you know it you are there.  We are all so glad that the family came together and updated the house together.  Everyone did something, I just happened to do the painting of most of the walls along with my husbands brother.  Two people make it happen so much more quickly and some things we hired done.  This is a real bonus for my mother-in-law because it is really rentable now where before it was questionable.  She is not aware as her mind does not always grasp everything but the results are of great benefit to her.

Lyn we all felt it ws the best decision at this time.  It does give her the monthly income that is so helpful for her.  The Adult Care Foster home is expensive and without the income it would be tough.  We are trying to preserve her savings as much as possible because she may need every penny down the road.  Getting old is not what it might be cracked up to be in the movies or on television.  Where are the Waltons anyway.  A time gone by. Sad.  Thank you for sharing.

Good Morning Woody,

The advice you gave "Get the details, make a decision, and DON"T second guess yourself!!!" is the best ever and I totally agree with you. You and your family did such a wonderful thing for your Mother and the memories that were created for your family I would be willing to bet were wonderful as well.  A beautiful way to demonstrate to your children the strength of family and the love that comes from it.  Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your story.

Good Morning Ric,

My husband and his brother did a good job in helping to create the trust before his Father passed away.  It is in good order.  My mother-in-law is not on any state or federal programs with the exception of social security and medicare, not medicaid.  Her assets would not allow medicaid.  She and we are paying out of pocket for her care in the Adult Care Foster Home and this is part of the reason the home is being rented, to supplement what she is paying. It is expensive and more than she was paying in the Adult Care Home she was in before.  She needs so much more care now. It is working so far, but evaluations are always ongoing.  This is just what has worked for us and I think probably we are fortunate.

Good Morning Debb,

We are fortunate, my husband's whole family came together and we all pitched in and made the changes to the house. It looks great and the carpet went in yesterday, we will finish up this weekend so it will be totally rentable.  A blessing for my mother-in-law although she is not always aware of what is happening, her mind just won't let her. Sad.

M

Good Morning Bob,

I guess all states are different aren't they, luckily everything has worked out okay for my mother-in-law.  It has taken a lot of work and research, but we did it right and the good news so far is that we are able to supplement her monthly income to pay for ther room and board as she is not on any state programs for assistance or medicaid.

Good Morning Kate and Mike,

We have been fortunate with the small amount of assets that she has.  It is not a lot in the whole scheme of things, but for now it is working, this is why we do not want to sell the house yet.  She will need the money down the road if it becomes applicable.  She is 93 and not in any kind of good health.  My heart goes out to her as I know she would rather not be here at this time in her life, she has said many times she wants to be with my husbands Father who passed about a year and a half ago.  This is not what I would wish for anyone.  Guess it is a good thing to take good care of our physical and mental health while we are young going forward. Thank you for your comments.

Good Morning Thomas,

It really is a tough call.  The good new for us was that my in-laws moved from the house to an Adult Living Center several  years ago.  My father-in-law passed about a year and a half after-wards, but at least she was used to living there. She recently became unable to help herself so we moved her to the Adult Care Foster Home.  She seems to like it and they do take good care of her.  I believe, for her, the blessing was she was not in the home when my father-in-law passed. 

That is so difficult as I watched my own parents go through that scenario years ago.  My mother passed first from cancer and my step father was outside of himself until he passed two years later. Difficult to watch.

Wayne, this is always a difficult process to go through for sure.  We are still there, but now because my husbands mother is running out of money, medicare is beginning to handle it.  Very interesting and a lot of hoops one has to go through.  I hope your wife's journey is a little smoother.