Fearless Socializing - the Favorit-est Tips!

Education & Training with Sell with Soul


Thanks to everyone who attended last Thursday's SWS teleseminar show 'specially for introverts about Socializing Without Fear or Discomfort!

If you are naturally socially-inclined, you may think that going out into the world with a smile and a hearty hello for everyone you find there is an easy, natural thing to do! But for those of us who aren't quite as socially comfortable, who enjoy time with ourselves far more than time spent in a crowd, who become frazzled and exhausted after too much social interaction - we sometimes feel inadequate, inferior or even fatally-flawed because we aren't interested in being the life of the party.

Not that we introverts need to apologize for our personalities - not at all! Nor should we try to "overcome" our more-reserved nature so we can be more like our extroverted colleagues. No, we're pretty awesome just the way we are, even if we do struggle sometimes in social situations. Hey, nobody's perfect.

Back to the show... my guest, Susan Haughton and I shared our personal tips for getting out in the world and inspiring the people we find there to like us, trust us and eventually care that we sell real estate for a living, using strategies that won't make a typical introvert feel like a schmuck. At the end of the show, I asked the audience to share their favorite tips, I compiled them all, and here are the Top Four!

Favorit-est Tip #1: Go to lunch with two friends every week. By "friends," I mean people you enjoy hanging out with, not just people you know. If you're dreading a lunch date because you have no idea what you'll talk about with this person, they aren't a good lunch date candidate for you. But if you go to lunch with two friends a week, every week, that's more than 100 times you connected with people you enjoy being with and who probably enjoy being with you, too.

Favorit-est Tip #1a: - Don't feel you need to always pick up the tab when you go to lunch. You're going to lunch with a FRIEND, not a prospect, and if they want to pay, let them! You can return the favor next time (so make sure there IS a next time). Don't create uncomfortable drama at the end of the meal by fighting over the check. You can pay, or they can pay or you can split it. It's a friendly lunch, not a business lunch.

Favorit-est Tip #2 (Thank you Susan!): If you have season tickets to local events and you can't always use them, start calling your friends and acquaintances offering to give them away. You'll probably "have" to go through several names before you find someone who will take you up on your offer, which is a wonderful way to organically connect! If your marketing budget allows, you might even buy tickets to popular events with the sole intention of giving them away in this manner.

Favorit-est Tip #3: When attending a party (which is not typically an introvert's favorite thing to do), ask the host for a job or task that you can be responsible for during the party. Help bartend, serve snacks, take photos; anything so that you aren't standing in the corner by yourself feeling as if everyone is looking at you. Also, related to party-attending, come armed with an exit strategy, if for no other reason than to comfort yourself that you CAN leave if you aren't having fun.

Favorit-est Tip #4: Walk your dog! Dogs are wonderful ice-breakers for introverts. If your dog is particularly cute (or particularly ugly!), just taking him or her out in public can start up all sorts of conversations. And don't forget that other peoples' cute or ugly dogs can be conversation-starters for you. If you don't have a dog, but consider yourself a dog person, offer to walk a friend's - not only will you be out there starting up conversations, but you'll be impressing your friend with how helpful you are!

Honorable Mentions

  • Don't pretend to be an extrovert if you aren't - it'll just make everyone (you included) uncomfortable.
  • Be a Master of Your Market. Being conversationally familiar with your local market gives you all sorts of things to talk about when socializing.
  • Leave your business cards at home when out and about so you aren't tempted to push them on everyone you meet. If someone wants your contact information, take theirs and promise to get back with them.
  • Stay IN your comfort zone when socializing. If large parties make you nervous, avoid them, and host your own intimate dinner or casual afternoon BBQ with a small group of friends.

Here is a wonderful article called "Caring for Your Introvert" - if you ARE an introvert, you'll recognize yourself here... if you know an introvert, they'll much appreciate your taking the time to better understand them!

Check out the SWS Calendar of Events to see what's on tap through the rest of the year!



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Joshua Stein
Coldwell Banker Preferred - Conshohocken - Flourtown, PA
Homes For Sale - Montgomery County

Interesting tips. I've often considered substituting a dog (which I don't have) with a two year-old (which I do).  Hmmm, food for thought.

Nov 20, 2011 11:08 PM #1
Gita Bantwal
RE/MAX Centre Realtors - Warwick, PA
REALTOR,ABR,CRS,SRES,GRI - Bucks County & Philadel

Thanks for the post. I have hit suggest and have bookmarked it for future reference.

Nov 20, 2011 11:09 PM #2
Marcia Kramarz
Re/Max Executive Realty - Medway, MA

Boy am I sorry I missed that - But thanks for the RECAP!! Great ideas - In one of the many leadership seminars I've taken over the years (in a different work life) I learned something very valuable to ME - Introverts and extroverts differ significantly when it comes to energy in a crowd - An extrovert actually absorbs the energy in a room - actually becoming more animated throughout the night - and often are the last to leave.  Introverts actually lose energy when they're in a crowd -  so often the earliest to leave - For some reason that helped me understand my energy level - I work to stay later than the first to go but forgive myself now when I want/need to leave at a decent hour - Just helped me to accept differences more - just my ramblings this morning!

Nov 20, 2011 11:11 PM #3
Chiara Petro
eXp Realty - Angie Cody Team - Knoxville, TN
Your KEY to Home Sweet Home - Knoxville TN

I'm sorry I missed the show. The favorite-est tips sound great, and I really appreciate the recap.

Nov 20, 2011 11:26 PM #4
Cindy Edwards
RE/MAX Checkmate - Johnson City, TN
CRS, GRI, PMN - Northeast Tennessee - 423-677-6677

Great tips for introverts and extroverts alike!!  I wish I would have caught the show!

Nov 20, 2011 11:32 PM #5
Ann Cordes
Century 21 Randall Morris and Associates, Waco - Waco, TX
Home Ownership is Not a Distant Dream

It was a great show with great tips. I think Jennifer covered them very well.

Nov 21, 2011 07:27 AM #6
Former Agent
None - Adak, AK

Hi Jen.  As usual, great ideas.  I've recently been thinking that I'd like to have 2 lunches per week.  Although friendly, I was thinking more in terms of business development.  Also, the ticket idea is really good.  I've been thinking about that as well. 

Nov 21, 2011 11:56 AM #7
Digital Digital
Alachua, FL
full service

Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing.
I think I'm hooked to your blogs now, so rich with information.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Nov 24, 2011 02:57 PM #8
Gene Donohue
Only Way Realty / UpstateHomeSeller.com - Greenville, SC
Flat Fee Service...Exceptional Results!

Thank you Jennifer for the webinar.  I truly enjoyed it and walked away from it with additional knowledge.  The next day I had lunch with an SOI and I did not bring up my business at all.  My lunch mate asked me how things were going and I briefly told her what was going on but then changed subjects.  In the past I would've ended the lunch with my pitch.  It felt weird walking away from the lunch without "marketing" myself but she knows what I do and knows what I'm capable of.  We'll do lunch again after the new year.

Nov 28, 2011 12:51 AM #9
Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul

Gene - So glad you enjoyed it! And once you make the paradigm shift of realizing that 1) your friends don't want you to market yourself to them and 2) you don't have to market yourself to your friends to earn their support, you'll wonder how you ever missed something so obvious!

Wandnana - wow - thank you!!!

Nov 28, 2011 08:16 AM #10
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