Does Your ‘People Pleaser’ Pattern Get in the Way?

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RISMedia, May 28 2011—Do you find yourself avoiding certain types of clients? Do you find yourself unable to speak the truth to sellers when their properties are overpriced? If you’re like most real estate professionals, your “people pleaser” pattern often gets in the way of telling the truth. When you’re not able to tell the truth to your sellers, they lose respect for you, and you end up losing the transaction.

This is similar to a client of mine, named Pauline, who was unable to reach her financial goals because she only wanted to work with buyers. When I probed into what was blocking her, she said that she really didn’t like the idea of working with sellers. In fact, her dislike was so great that she actually avoided speaking with sellers.<!--more-->

When I asked her why, she said it was because they would be demanding. They wouldn’t price their homes at the right number; they would expect her to spend a lot of money to sell their house; they would really pressure her and create a lot of stress for her.

I asked her why it was that she gave her power away to these people instead of setting appropriate boundaries. I asked her why she wasn’t able to tell them the truth about the price of their homes. With a little prompting and encouragement, she discovered that she had been suffering from a very strong people pleasing pattern her whole life; it showed up in different areas.

In this case, it showed up whenever she thought about working with a seller. In her interactions with sellers, she gave her power to them; she let them control the situation; she let them set the price; she didn’t set appropriate boundaries. In fact, she ignored one of Stephen Covey’s basic rules, which is, “It’s either win/win or no deal.” For her, in every situation with a seller they won and she lost.

When we explored her people pleasing pattern a little bit deeper to find its origins, we found it began very early in her life. In fact, as a very young child, her only way of getting any attention was to be a family “people pleaser.”

I pointed out to her that that was probably a good strategy at the time, but like a program that you install your computer, it will need to be updated or eventually replaced. I asked her if she would finally like to change that old “people pleaser” pattern, and she agreed.

Coming back to her current age, she realized that if she kept on being a “people pleaser,” she would not be able to fulfill her potential or make the money she needed, and she would constantly be stressed out.

With a very short technique, I introduced her to the idea of releasing her “people pleaser” pattern once and for all. When she did that, she felt much lighter. And then I asked her to come up with a list of empowered beliefs, and she created this list: “I just need to please myself, and no one else.” “I don’t need people to like me; I just need people to respect me.” “It’s either win/win or no deal.” “The only person’s approval I need is my own.”

Those new empowered beliefs allowed her to take her power back. It gave her the ability to tell the truth. My general comment to all real estate professionals in today’s market is that above all, be honest. When you’re working with a prospective client who is a seller, be sure that they are willing to price their home at the price point that you advise them.

If they insist on an unrealistic price, do not work with them; you would only be engaging in an interaction in which they would win and you would lose. Keep in mind Stephen Covey’s famous principle from his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People; it’s either win/win or no deal.

Trust your gut; you’ll know if it’s not a win for you. Your job is to let it go and trust that you’re making room for a wonderful, new, ideal client.

Posted By susanne On May 28, 2011 @ 12:04 am In Best Practices,Business Development,Marketing,Real Estate,Real Estate Training,Real Estate Trends,REALTOR Marketing,Today's Top


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Team Honeycutt
Allen Tate - Concord, NC

The "People Pleaser" Pattern does appear to get in the wsy of some agents.  I like to be a people pleaser but not at the expense of damaging what I have to offer in my work.


Nov 30, 2011 09:13 AM #1
Carla Harbert
Full Time REALTOR in Ohio - Brunswick, OH
RE/MAX Omega, Brunswick Ohio

Very well written post, my friend. Great touch by mentioning the book written by Steven Covey - well worth reading more than once. Many of us are guilty of being people pleasers, but it's knowing when to pull the reins tighter when it needs too.

Nov 30, 2011 09:23 AM #2
Phil Ross, MLO-150797
Doorway Home Loans - Tacoma, WA

Thanks for the article,...definitely makes us think. People pleasing can sometimes be costly...especially if you do not know where to draw the line. When it comes to real estate, I've found most people appreciate candor, early and often.

Dec 04, 2011 02:28 PM #3
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