Tomorrow is Here Again... And for One More Year... Things Get Personal...
The end of the year seems to bring out some very personal insights and reminiscenses.
Here Karen shares the heartache of this time of year and what it reminds her of.
She talks about feeling "permanently broken". Perhaps you feel the same way.
I so hope that this next year can be a time of healing for Karen. If 2011 was particularly unkind to you, whether financially or emotionally, I pray that this next year will be a time of healing and renewal for you as well.
God's love is unconditional, and constant. Let it wrap around you, envelope you, wash over you like a river. May 2012 be a year of hope, healing and (renewed) love...
She knew it. She just knew it. Even after last year... once again... today is December 30, 2011... and tomorrow is here again.
She wished she could figure out a way to make that particular "tomorrow" disappear.
You see... she is stuck. Stuck in some sort of a Star Trek time loop. Or maybe a better comparison would be what happens in one of her favorite movies... GroundHog Day.
In some ways... waking up tomorrow is a once-a-year kinda thing. But in many other ways... it seems like it happens to her every single day.
I know. I am talking nonsense. Up until now.
But tomorrow is the anniversary of her wedding day. New Year's Eve... 1965. She and her childhood sweetheart got married that day. The two of them... 21 and 19... had known each other for eight years. Eight years since that day they met.
Is being 13 and 11 too young to fall in love ? They thought not. Way back then... Paul Anka had a song on the charts called "Puppy Love." Of course, it was all about young love, how it feels, and how so many others saw it as childish. But they knew better. They knew it was the real thing. They really did.
And so... beginning with December 31, 1965... and every New Year's Eve for the next eighteen years... these lovebirds were just that. Lovebirds. Right up until they weren't.
Adultery raised it's ugly head. The cheating, the sneaking, the disguised meetings. Somehow it all escaped her. Somehow she had no clue... until she stumbled upon it. There they were... her childhood sweetheart... and her best friend... boinking.
Recently I saw a story about Sandra Bullock. Her short-time hubby had been cheating on her. She had no clue. She trusted. And when she found out... she filed for divorce. And since then... she has used two words to describe herself. She said she felt "permanently broken."
Of course you know that this story is about me. And how I have used those same words for years.
It is so funny... the ironic kind of funny... that when someone shares with me that she is feeling the same kind of reaction... when she is beating herself up in much the same way... I can be so very understanding... so very able to listen, to console, and to be there in a sisterly way for her.
But for me... the same things don't seem to work the same way. Permanently broken.
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