"TRUST Me"... We hear that so often! What do you do?

Services for Real Estate Pros with Retired Realtor / Retired Home Inspector

"TRUST Me"......... We hear that so often! What do you do?

I must say that I've seen comments lately that say:

"Those who don't trust, aren't trustworthy."

I strongly disagree with that. I feel trust is something you earn. You build it over a period of time. I'm not going to just immediately trust someone.

They must show me they are worthy of trust.

Do you trust EVERYONE?

  • If you are looking for a babysitter for your child are you just going to drop them off the second you meet that new babysitter? Do you TRUST them already. Or are you thoroughly going to check them out?
  • If you are going to buy a used car, are you just going to trust the seller that it's a great car? Or are you going to check it out, and maybe even get a 2nd opinion, or have a mechanic look it over.
  • If you need surgery, are you just going to trust the first doctor in the yellow pages? Or might you get a second opinion as to whether the surgery is even necessary? Then FULLY check out the Surgeon that is going to perform the surgery.

I would think you are going to build a relationship, with new acquaintances and get to know more about them, then decide if they are trustworthy.

Isn't that what referrals are all about? People hire you because you are recommended by someone THEY trust.

Trust Man's best FriendI feel I am a very trustworthy person. I do everything in my power to keep my word and exceed people's expectations. I don't think I could live happily with myself if I failed someone. It is the most important value I have. Perform to their expectations or above, and not let them down.

I'm sure because of trust related influences in my life I have come to the conclusion that trust must be earned.

     As a retired cop, I saw what happens to people who trust the wrong people. Most of the crimes that were committed began with trust, and ended with betrayal. I saw it EVERY DAY. Took reports on it. Helped victims of betrayal, and pursued suspects who betrayed. Family, Friends, Co-Workers, Aquaintances and Strangers can fall victim to Betrayal.

I say TRUST must be EARNED.

     I trusted the man I chose for my soul-mate only to be cheated on, then pursued by him to take him back for more than 25 years. He said he realized he lost the best woman in his life. He will NEVER regain my trust, NEVER. He could never EARN my trust again.

I say TRUST must be earned.

     Betrayal-Disappearing wedding ringAnother impact on me trusting people is working on the natural gas  pipeline. The stories I could tell would turn your stomach and break your heart! With trust being so IMPORTANT to me, the things I saw made me SICK.
  Pipeliners usually live in MOTELS because the job moves with the pipeline as it's being constructed. Their families are usually at home and see them every couple of weeks.
  They stole from employers, lied about their hours, and lied to their families. I often overheard the Friday and Saturday night phone calls of DOZENS of workers. They would get off work, and get all cleaned up, then the phone calls to their spouses would start:

"Hi honey, Just calling to say how much I love you! I'm so exhausted! We have to get an early start at work tomorrow, so I'm gonna hit the sack. I Love you! Talk to you tomorrow. Nighty-Night Sweetheart. Kiss, Kiss Kiss!"

Then off to the bars and strip clubs they went! In droves!!! OFTEN bringing some sleazy home-wrecker back to their motel rooms! There were VERY FEW that I consider were trustworthy spouses!

What level of trust do I give to others?

Trust -Start in Neutral

I could sum that up by saying folks start on neutral ground with me. I don't trust them, and I don't distrust them. I evaluate them based on their actions. I establish a relationship, get to know them, and build rapport.  Sometimes they gain my trust within moments of meeting them, and other times it takes awhile to establish trust. Unfortunately some folks I decide not to trust.

In regards to TRUST in my Business Life: TRUST in my mind is the ability to believe in another person to reach a common goal. When I trust someone I feel vulnerable, I am giving up my ability to fully control the outcome of a situation. I must RELY on them to make good decisions, and protect my best interests.

When others trust in me they are doing the same. They are vulnerable to the results of my actions. They have trusted me with some control of the outcome of the transaction. I don't feel anyone owes me immediate trust. I WANT to earn it. I WANT to put them at ease, I WANT to prove I am worthy.

When I first meet a client, I'm hoping I started at neutral with them. Hopefully not being distrusted at the beginning. I do everything in my power to make a good first impression. I put them at ease, establish rapport, and don't make any promises I can't keep.


Nature of Trust

This post is a submission to the ActiveRain / Adobe EchoSign Trust Contest. I could possibly win a prize. You can find out about the contest by clicking here

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Posted by

Cheryl Dickson
970-462-5100 Wichita Falls, TX

Staff - Wichita Falls AssociationĀ  of Realtors

eMail: InspectASAP@aol.com

Retired Realtor-GRI / Retired Home Inspector

Comments (10)

Tammie White, Broker
Franklin Homes Realty LLC - Franklin, TN
Franklin TN Homes for Sale

Some people have trust issues. Maybe they grew up in homes where parents abandoned them, maybe a husband was unfaithful, maybe a business partner robbed them. With these people we have to diligently work so they can look beyond their previous experiences to someone who truly has their best interest in mind.

Jan 15, 2012 03:38 PM
Cheryl Dickson
Retired Realtor / Retired Home Inspector - Oklahoma City, OK
Retired Realtor, GRI / Retired Home Inspector

Tammie, that's right, build a relationship, and show them there are trustworthy folks wanting to assist them.

Jan 15, 2012 03:40 PM
Jim Hale
Eugene Oregon's Best Home Search Website

I spent a year in Vietnam.  I was one of 13 (all male) officers billeted in an old French hotel in beautiful downtown DaNang.  The building was across the street from some Army nurses (all female).  Adjacent to our building, on the other three sides, were Vietnamese brothels.


One day, our three Vietnamese maids all came up to my room to ask, "Two-ee (1st Lieutenant), why you no go next door? Everybody go next door but you.  Why you no go next door, Two-ee?"

I pointed to the Book of Mormon laying by my bunk. 

They said, "Oh, Two-ee, that what we thought."


Another day, they brought a beautiful, quite-obviously Amerasian baby, maybe three months old, up to my room.  They asked, "Two-ee, what you think of this?" 

This baby was from right next door.  His father was obviously an American.  I assured them I did not approve. 

They continued, "This baby no Vietnamese. He no American.  He no-nothing, Two-ee. What become of him?"


A third day they came to me to ask, "Two-ee, where did Captain __________ go?  He not planning to go home until four months from now?"

I explained that this officer had just learned (the hard way) that his wife was that month's Playboy centerfold.  Our superiors had allowed him to go home to America to deal with his marriage.  He likely would not be coming back. They didn't know how to react to that one. 

Neither did I.


Our maids didn't know much about my religion.  They spoke only broken English. But they did know I was the only single man in the building.  And being good Catholic women, I suspect they had strong opinions about Trust.

And maybe about Americans.

Jan 15, 2012 04:43 PM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Cheryl -- I definitely agree that trust is something is earned --- otherwise, it takes on the air of a stereotypical salesman --- truuuuuussst meeee.   

By the way --- your photos are priceless - great job of humorously illustrating your point.

Jan 15, 2012 05:16 PM
Doug Bullwinkel
Envoy Mortgage,NMLS ID 6666 - Sacramento, CA
Mortgage Loan Originator NMLS #281609

Cheryl:   Needless to say, your post came out wonderfully and I would guess you're in the running for the Ipad.  I really love your graphics, especially the cat and the dog being frisked.  I didn't realize that you were former law enforcement.  I knew there was something I really liked about you.   I also agree that you need to start out neutral and let the chips fall where they may, depending on the other person's actions.  Good luck in the contest.  SUGGESTED!

Jan 15, 2012 05:16 PM
Cheryl Dickson
Retired Realtor / Retired Home Inspector - Oklahoma City, OK
Retired Realtor, GRI / Retired Home Inspector

Jim, Thanks so much for sharing your story of your time spent in Vietnam. I'm sure it was very difficult to be away from home in that situation. Your values are golden! As you pointed out MOST of them were next door, I'm pleased that you didn't allow temptation to cloud your value of being trustworthy. You were single, but unwilling to dismiss your values! Thank You so much for the Re-Blog.

Michael, Thank You! I can hear it! Trusssst Meeee loud and clear. I used to sell cars, and I think that was the most common phrase I heard them guys say. I never said it with that type of intention, but heard it roll off my lips once, when I was working with a very terrified buyer, and it made me cringe, because it meant something different to me after listening to them guys all day every day.

Doug, I noticed you specialize in loans for those who serve their community and our country. What a GREAT SERVICE! THANK YOU!!! My dad was a Marine also. Yep, Neutral works good for me, I try not to judge anyone no matter how they appear. I always make it a point to get to know them first.

Me...back in the day...

Me as a San Diego Sheriff's Deputy

Jan 15, 2012 05:43 PM
Sheila Moran
RE/MAX Access (Garden Ridge, San Antonio, New Braunfels) - New Braunfels, TX
SanAntonioSheila.com, RE/MAX Access, 210-32

WOW Cheryl! 

I was thinking when you started this post that it was going to be your normal "run of the mill" type post, but you took it to the next level!

You shared more than the average person.  I appreciate that. 

My husband is a FireFighter and I know he says that he has to earn the trust of people in an instant to make them see that they do need to trust him and do as he says (as he says "I'm only trying to save their life") but again you have those that don't trust so easily.  He says it's difficult in that type of situation.

I know in our everday lives we always strive to EARN the trust of the people that we work with, clients, friends, family, etc.  It's the hardest thing to earn that could be the quickest thing to lose based on a person's actions.

I totally agree with you.


Jan 16, 2012 03:41 AM
Cheryl Dickson
Retired Realtor / Retired Home Inspector - Oklahoma City, OK
Retired Realtor, GRI / Retired Home Inspector

Thank You Sheila, My dad was a firefighter too, and I see how INSTANT trust can be a life or death situation. It was the same in Law Enforcement. You are so right, earning trust and nurturing it, can take some time, but losing it can happen in a blink of an eye with just one action.

Jan 16, 2012 04:04 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate


Cheryl, Thank you for writing such an honest, real and heartfelt post about Trust.  Every example of broke trust is directly tied to one’s character.  Trust is not a given.  Trust is earned over time by demonstrating we can be trusted. 


Jan 17, 2012 03:34 AM
Cheryl Dickson
Retired Realtor / Retired Home Inspector - Oklahoma City, OK
Retired Realtor, GRI / Retired Home Inspector

Kathleen, It truly is about character. I find people that lose my trust, tend to have many issues where they've betrayed others.

Jan 17, 2012 03:51 AM