17 Ways To Make Sure Your Home WON'T SELL.

Real Estate Broker/Owner with Christiansen Group Realty (260)704-0843

17.  List it for 200% of it's true value. 

16.  List it as a four bedroom instead of a three.  When the buyers get there...  SURPRISE!  Only three!

15.  Paint the entire inside bright yellow with a Sponge Bob theme throughout.  

14.  Get three giant angry dogs and leave them loose during showings. 

13.  Require one full week's notice for showings.  

12.  Draw three outlines of bodies with police tape across them on the living room carpet.  

11.  Stay home for the showings and sing show tunes to the buyers and their agent the entire time they are there.  Remember to sing loudly and out of tune.

10.  Boil a few dozen eggs right before the showing so the entire house smells like farts.

9.  Have a bunch of friends over before the showing.  Have each of them hide in a closet and scream each time a buyer opens the closet door.  

8.  Put the wrong keys in the lock box.

7.  Stay home for the showing and follow the buyers around and tell them all the reasons you hate living there. 

6.  Do #7 again, but make sure you just ate something really garlicky and talk very close to them.  

5.  Leave a note on the table that says to be careful in bedroom four, but don't leave a reason why.  

4.  If it's during the summer, lay out during the showing wearing only a purple speedo and a swim cap.  Oh, make sure that you have your Def Leppard CD cranked up too.  

3.  Put up an old spooky picture on the fridge.  On a post-it note below it write:  RIP Aunt Mildred.  You will be missed when we finally move.  We hope you enjoy haunting the new owners for the next 150 years.  

2.  Leave a note for the buyers asking them to "please excuse the mess" in the attic.  Go on to explain just how hard it is to remove all of the black mold, but you're almost there.  

1.  Stay for the showing, put on your helmet made out of tin foil, and sit on the couch and stare at the TV the entire time without moving or blinking.  (The blinking part is very important!)


Okay, that's all I can think of today.  Hope you laughed.  Time to get back to work!


Posted by




Fort Wayne Realtors Jared and Amanda Christiansen with Century 21 Bradley

Amanda Christiansen is an award winning Realtor with Christiansen Group Realty.


Jared Christiansen is a business partner and in charge of marketing and taking care of things behind the scene.


Enough about us...


Tell us what you want your real estate experience to be, and we will do it YOUR way.


Buying a home in Fort Wayne? Tell us your wants and needs. Let us know how you envision your family living.  Tell us what's important to YOU, and we'll find the community and home that fits.  


Selling your home in Fort Wayne?  Our job is to make you the most money possible in the shortest amount of time. We offer our sellers professional staging, professional photography, and more internet marketing than most. 


We are committed to giving you everything we have to offer.  We are both full time agents and will work around your schedule.  Do nights and weekends work better for you?  NO PROBLEM. We are here to help YOU at YOUR convenience.


Amanda can be reached at 260-704-0843, and Jared can be reached at 260-704-0842, or you can email us at JaredChristiansen@gmail.com, or Amanda427@gmail.com.




Re-Blogged 9 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Dawn Maloney 02/03/2012 03:17 PM
  2. Karen Steed 02/04/2012 01:51 AM
  3. Linda Jamail Marshall 02/04/2012 02:36 AM
  4. Kathy Strader 02/04/2012 03:43 AM
  5. Carol Faaland-Kronmaier 02/04/2012 03:50 AM
  6. Kevin A. Guttman-Author, Reverse Mortgage Advisor 02/04/2012 06:05 AM
  7. Gene Riemenschneider 02/04/2012 10:40 AM
  8. Gabe Sanders 02/05/2012 10:26 PM
  9. Teresa Lansford, MBA, GRI, MRP,SFR,ASN 10/21/2013 08:20 AM
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Carol Rutgers

I arrived to show a home and the tenant (who was a hoarder) met me at the door denying that the listing agent had told her about our appointment.  She let us in after some persuasion on my part and proceeded to tell us not to go into the second bedroom, because her son was sleeping in there and he was a prison warden who worked nights.  Her bedroom was lined with shoe boxes 3 feet high and her bed had clothes covering it piled a foot high.  We could barely make it to the master bathroom.  She then proceeded to tell us that the finished basement floods every time it rains heavy.  We saw absolutely no sign of water damage there.  The listing agent apologized and said, "Don't worry about her, the owner is evicting her next month."  The buyers decided not to deal with the issues. Surprise, surprise!  The tenant later called me to get feedback on the showing appointment--she wanted to know if she needed to start packing!

Feb 04, 2012 05:56 PM #88
De'Lores P. Arline

You could probably sell this list to someone who has been ordered to sell the house but not wanting to during divorce proceedings.

Feb 04, 2012 06:34 PM #89
Shanna Hall
Real Estate Solutions - Kirkwood, MO
I love selling houses!!!St. Louis, MO 314-703-1311

Number 10 had me laughing!!!

Feb 05, 2012 02:29 AM #90
Monique Ting
INET Realty Honolulu, HI - Honolulu, HI
Your agent under the sun

In our profession, one has to look at the funny side of things... and you certainly have an eye for it! Thank you for your hilarious list! Aloha,

Feb 05, 2012 07:25 AM #91
Claude Labbe
Real Living | At Home - Washington, DC
Realty for Your Busy Life

# 8 "Put wrong keys in the lockox"....

or #8-a "Put no keys in the locbox"

or #8-b "Don't give agents the correct access code to the lockbox...make those pesky buyer agents call you again"


and #12 "Outline of police tape in living room"... 

a few years ago, we walked up to see a listing, and the police tape prevented us getting access to the property.  And you can imagine we never got around to making an offer or purchase of that one.


and now, I'll have to work on #18, #19, etc...


Feb 05, 2012 08:32 AM #92
Paula McDonald
Magnolia Realty ~ Granbury - Granbury, TX
Magnolia Realty ~ Granbury, TX 936-203-0279

Love the garlicky breath and purple speedo ones.  Great list for sure.  

Feb 06, 2012 12:56 AM #93
Pat Rentz
VIP Inspection Services Inc - Cary, NC

Jared, you can add a search warrant left on the kitchen counter.  My husband and I once bought a foreclosure to flip and low and behold there was a search warrant on the kitchen counter.  for about a year after we bought the house we got calls from various agencies asking if we knew what happened to the previous owner.  Ah, the times they are a-telling.

Feb 06, 2012 01:50 AM #94
Amanda Christiansen
Christiansen Group Realty (260)704-0843 - Fort Wayne, IN
Christiansen Group Realty

Thanks for sharing all of your horror stories!  I could probably write three more blogs on this topic!  

Feb 06, 2012 02:54 AM #95
Kunni Biener

I actually bought a house listed with 3 baths and it had 4 and got a private lender to make a loan on a one bedroom that when he foreclosed it was a two bedroom. 

Feb 06, 2012 03:22 AM #96
Jan Stevens
Coldwell Banker Pittsburgh - Cranberry Township, PA

Thanks for making me laugh out loud. My whole office had fun with this, and it might help get a serious message across through the humor.

Feb 06, 2012 03:54 AM #97
Rich Cederberg
eXp Realty - Albuquerque, NM
eXp Realty Agent Albuquerque

This is a great post.  Very funny.  I enjoyed reading the comments as much as the post.  Great stories.

Feb 06, 2012 08:04 AM #98
David Burrows
Classic Realty - Fairfax, VA
No Pressure, Just Seriously Devoted to Real Estate

Good post...... I agree with Rich - the comments have truly been interesting.

Feb 06, 2012 08:27 AM #99
Sharon Alters
Coldwell Banker Vanguard Realty - 904-673-2308 - Fleming Island, FL
Realtor - Homes for Sale Fleming Island FL

Comments great, post LOLOL! Oh, the visuals that go along with some of those descriptions :)))


Feb 06, 2012 09:28 AM #100
Bob Miller
Keller Williams Cornerstone Realty - Ocala, FL
The Ocala Dream Team

Yes, I definately laughed!  I love those posts so much more than the rants on short sale banks and unloyal buyers.  Keep it up!

Feb 06, 2012 12:01 PM #101
Kasey & John Boles
Jon Gosche Real Estate, LLC - BoiseMeridianRealEstate.com - Boise, ID
Boise & Meridian, ID Ada/Canyon/Gem/Boise Counties

Yes, I defintiely laughted.  Surprisingly these aren't so out of the realm of reality.  Great list! -Kasey

Feb 06, 2012 05:32 PM #102
Patricia Beck
RE/MAX Properties, Inc., GRI, CDPE - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Realty

Thanks for the laugh!!  #16 is so frustrating for buyers....they do figure it out once they get to the home and they probably won't change their mind and settle for one less bedroom. 

Feb 07, 2012 04:23 AM #103
Elizabeth Bouchard
Long & Foster Realtors - Arlington, VA
Associate Broker in Northern Virginia

Thanks for the laugh!  I have known of people who tried to sabotage sales when one party didn't really want to move.  Think they tried the wrong key in the lockbox trick!


Sep 05, 2013 12:58 AM #104
Renee White
Keller Williams Realty - Walnut Creek, CA
Renee White

These are great!  #9 could be fun prank for a Halloween showing.  Thanks for the laugh today!

Sep 10, 2013 09:41 AM #105
Beverly Carlson
Carlson Properties 325-721-2429 - Abilene, TX
Abilene's Staging Realtor

Your title still works to get a reader click.  Very Funny.  I laughed out loud after reading #10!

Jan 05, 2014 04:20 PM #106
Carol Lynn Johnson
Re/Max Elite Realty - Franklin, NC
Residential Specialist

Too funny - unfortunately I am laughing because many of these things really happen!!!!

Feb 19, 2014 12:33 AM #107
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Amanda Christiansen

Christiansen Group Realty
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