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Tough Conversations Are Just Tough

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Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Elite RM423455

Tough Conversations Are Just Tough

Have you had to have any tough conversations recently? The kind which keep you up at night. The kind which make your heart jump a beat. The kind which cause your palms to sweat as you think about it. These conversations are just tough.

You may face these differently than I do, but we all must face them. Many may decide to avoid them. Run from them. But in the end, having these conversations will help us grow if we allow them to.

When I was a young pastor, wet behind the ears and lacking the experience to realize the danger having tough conversations may create, I opened one up. I was Tough Conversations Are Just Toughvisiting a man who had a terminal illness. Through our times together, we came to know each other. At one point in time, I mentioned that it was sometimes beneficial for a person to help plan his/her funeral. I asked, “Would you like to do that?” He immediately answered, “Yes, I would.”

I scheduled the meeting for the next week. This man’s wife and his adult daughter were to be present. I invited another colleague to attend as well. It was a time of planning and an open conversation. It took me a bit to realize the wife and daughter did not seem to appreciate the conversation as much as I and the husband/father did.

Several months later, after this man died and we had completed the funeral service he helped plan, we had a fellowship meal. At the end of this meal for family and friends, the daughter pulled me aside. “I did not like the time we talked about the funeral service. I was uncomfortable. But now that we are here, I am really glad we had it. It made today so meaningful. Thank you!” The look of her eyes helped me realize that tough conversations have the potential to bring great blessing into our lives.

Who might you need to have one of these tough conversations with? Your spouse? A child? A co-worker? A client? A subordinate? The fear of this conversation may be keeping you from reaching a greater depth in the relationship, a greater level of trust. What is keeping your from having it?

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Cal Yoder

Your Homes for Sale in Lancaster Agent

Keller Williams Realty Lancaster

1630 Manheim Pike

Lancaster, PA 17601

Office Phone: 717-735-1145

Cell Phone: 717-413-0744

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Show All Comments Sort:
Sonja Patterson
Keller Williams - BV - College Station, TX
Texas Monthly 5-Star Realtor Recipient for the Hou

Cal, tough conversations are inevitable, but always necessary. I had one of those tough conversations this week--a phone call where I had to be in opposition to something that was being handled wrong.  I am SO glad that is over...and the wrong is being righted. 

Feb 18, 2012 10:55 AM
Marie Graham
Owner, The Refreshed Home White Plains NY - White Plains, NY
Westchester County Interior Decorator, Home Stager

Cal-what a great illustration. At the time the parties were not interested, it was too hard for them to hear, but in hindsight they saw-and appreciated-where you heart was. I am due for a conversation with someone who has gotten very late in paying their invoices. There are several things that have keeping me from this, but you're right, we know each other well enough...she probably feels badly about it. Bringing it up in a respectful way, looking to establish an understanding will be a load off of each of our minds.  

Feb 18, 2012 10:56 AM
Brenda Mayette
Miranda Real Estate Group, Inc. - Glenville, NY
Getting results w/ knowledge & know-how!

Tough conversations can suck the energy right out of us... In my "old world" I had to have more than one conversation with people about job performance, hygiene and general demeanor. I did find that if you handle things directly yet respectfully everyone is fine in the end...

Feb 18, 2012 11:40 AM
Fay Kelley
Interdimensional Healing Light - New River, AZ
Alternative Healing With Crystal Energy

Great story --- thanks for sharing !!!

 

 

Feb 18, 2012 11:41 AM
Cal Yoder
Keller Williams Elite - Lititz, PA
Homes For Sale in Lancaster PA - 717.413.0744

Sonja, so glad your conversation went well and it was so productive. Thanks for your thoughts.

Marie, I hope the conversation is a positive one and helpful. Respect does go a long way and it is amazing how much better I sleep after the conversation occurs.

Brenda, thanks for your thoughts. It does somehow seem to work out in the end. I have to wonder, "Why did I procastinate, why did I worry about it, why did I not just do it earlier.

Cal

Feb 18, 2012 11:43 AM
Roger D. Mucci
Shaken...with a Twist 216.633.2092 - Euclid, OH
Lets shake things up at your home today!

I agree Cal, it's usually those tough conversations that we have to have with someone that are most beneficial to them.  Thanks for pointing that out.

Feb 18, 2012 07:40 PM
Todd Clark - Retired
eXp Realty LLC - Tigard, OR
Principle Broker Oregon

The day we had to talk to my grandparents about no longer driving was so difficult, but was so needed. 

 

Feb 19, 2012 03:14 AM
Cal Yoder
Keller Williams Elite - Lititz, PA
Homes For Sale in Lancaster PA - 717.413.0744

Fay, thanks so much.

Roger, in retrospect, I realize how the difficult conversations have made me a better person. Both being the one instigating the conversation and the one participating in it when another has brought it to the forefront.

Todd, I can only imagine how difficult that conversation was. I hope it brought about some positive consequences for your family.

Cal

Feb 19, 2012 03:49 AM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Cal, sometimes avoiding a "tough conversation" is worse than facing it, because after something "unfortunate" happens one feel guilty about not having that "conversation" sadly it can not be rewound like a "movie".

Feb 21, 2012 03:44 AM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

Good story to share, Cal.  Some of us in the senior ranks need to have more  than one difficult conversation.  It is so easy to defer such important topics.

Feb 21, 2012 04:17 AM