Lennar Homes is one of Orange County's premier home builders, but it had a mystery that went beep in the night.
The mystery was so irritating; it can only be described with a beeping expletive.
Not long ago, I represented a client in the purchase of a Lennar Home. I’ve sold Lennar before and am thoroughly impressed with them. Last week, however, a mystery beep surfaced.
The homeowner wasn’t sure who to call, so yours truly was relegated to the beep squad. We know when the smoke detector battery is depleted, it chirps a warning. It has a life of its own and can taunt you without mercy. 
Turns out, the smoke detector was fine, but the beeping continued to play its mind game.
The carbon monoxide detector was next on the mystery trail. Since July 1, 2011, the Carbon Monoxide Poisoning Prevention Act requires all single-family homes in California with “an attached garage or fossil fuel source” to have a carbon monoxide alarm. Lennar Homes are known for attention to detail, from top-notch appliance-ware to construction materials. Sure enough, the carbon monoxide detector was fine.
The incessant chirping was beginning to unnerve me. In my beeper’s haze, I began to imagine funky applications for annoying warning systems.
I thought the criminal justice system could make great use of these torturous devices. Outfit jail cells with them, set them off, and see what happens. I imagine it would be a great crime deterrent, if inmates don’t kill each other first. Terrorists would pine for water boarding, instead, and confessions would be flowing like an open faucet. I wonder if my local congressman will like this idea.
I quickly learned, the key to solving a beep mystery is keeping sane during the search and destroy replace mission. Insane asylums are filled with the failed gumshoes of beeper investigations. Home one minute, to the loony farm the next.
The recent change to daylight savings time made me wonder if the microwave and digital stove clocks had been set correctly. With one ear plastered to the microwave, I became convinced the mystery was solved. I reworked every function but the beeping continued like an unresolved bout of hiccups.
To prove it was the microwave, I unplugged it. The plug was located in the cabinet above the microwave. The homeowner seemed mildly impressed, but it was short-lived.
An unplugged microwave that continues to beep is possessed. It’s creepy, like the light bulb that stays illuminated after it’s removed from the lamp. Ok, maybe that's never happened to me, but still.
So far, I had avoided the mother of all red herrings: Alarm clocks. Turns out, it’s still the mother of all red herrings.
I began to frantically brainstorm. I ran upstairs and back down, checking the washing machine, the dryer, the coffee pot, and even Roby, their pet robot vacuum cleaner.
Out of breath, I returned to the kitchen to announce failure.
I was stumped!
I was breathless, sweaty, and red-faced, and suffering a fresh case of tinnitus. I was hearing beeps, both real and imagined.
The homeowner took pity and offered me a drink. She opened the dishwasher to retrieve fresh glasses and poured us some Diet Dr. Pepper. I was parched and dejected. I watched matter-of-factly as she clicked the washer closed.
Several minutes passed and the silence was agonizing. I resigned myself to being a terrible Realtor.
Then, I realized….silence? What the heck…..the beeping stopped!
In unison, the home owner and I both exclaimed: The dishwasher!
(Mr. Sirota can be visited at the Bellevue Insane Asylum where he resides to be close to his family)
By: Brian L. Sirota, Esq. *The Beeping Mystery of a Lennar Home*
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