Don't Do It!

Kim,

My 2 cents. You may never know what your friend (even if she told you) was thinking when she made the decision to use another agent. Anyone who has been in this business for more than a week has had it happen to them. Your attempts to salvage this relationship are  admirable. What occured is in the past. It cannot be undone. Now is the time to stop dwelling on it. I hope your friend responds, if not let it go. You did all that you can do.

Be well,

David Swierczynski  

Kim,

I can feel your pain, I think anyone who has been in this business for a while has had this happen to them. I too reacted rather than thinking things through on the last deal.  I was so angry as I have no respect for the agent that took my client/friend away.  I finally talked to my so called friend and found out that they had fallen victim to a fast talker who promised them the moon and the stars to get them to do business with him. Ultimately they got what they wanted, two homes sold so they could buy a different one, but I was so mad I was seeing red. I had worked like a dog for these folks for two years to find them their first house, had visited with them and I thought had become friends.  Little do we know the way other's minds work sometimes.  Sad but true and it will happen again I am sure.  Too bad people don't see us in the same light we do.  Loyalty these days is hard to establish and hard to keep.  Too many people looking our for number 1.  

I hope you get your friend back, I know I won't even attempt it with mine.  

Good point. Friendships are never worth jeopardizing over business. In fact, often times it is Much better to not do business directly with friends/family - maybe a referral fee instead?

We all ,as stated above have been thru this mess. But we do learn from it. There are lessons to be learned everyday in this business. Sorry it had to be like this.

Kim, I can so relate to your story. I had a life long friendship nearly destroyed due to business. She kept asking my advice then listed with me then decided to do something else. I got all hurt and spoke my heart trying hard not to offend. She stopped talking to me altogether for over a year. I knew even though I may not have been in the wrong that I needed to make things right so I decided to put my feelings aside and try to get the relationship back. It isn't the same but at least we speak and see each other again. I have forgiven but find it hard to forget. I hope you guys can work through this.

Kim, Did you friend say the reason why she chose someone else? It may have simply been that she was concerned if something went wrong on the listing it would ruin your friendship. I am sorry for the trauma this has caused you , it is painful, but people have all sorts of reasons that they do things like this. I personally never solicit business from someone who has a relative in the biz.

Ginger

I had this happen,too. My friend listed with another agent and used the excuse of not wanting to mix business with friendship...however, she used her husband's friend to secure them a loan.  I too felt disrespected in my profession by a good friend.  Needless to say, we still talk, but things are not the same, and I use every chance I get to tell her how GREAT my business is.

Good luck with your friend, I do know how you feel..very mixed emotions. 

Ok, didn't think I'd comment on this again, but Chelle you inspired me.  Sort of like the movie, Demi Moore, Robert Redford, Woody Harrelson, Indecent Proposal.  There is something intimate in the relationship, friendship and once breached that trust it will never be the same again.  So, hoping for you Kim it will be renewed the way you want it to be, but you'll always question something now and again.  There is a trust that has been broken that is a break that causes doubt.  Life maybe, you can pull it off maybe, but hard for me and I guess I'm not alone.  Doesn't mean we don't forgive sometimes, it means we just can't renew the friendship or perceived friendship the same again.  Sometimes as in love, we give more than the other person and it doesn't mean as much to them as to us...something like that.  Sorry to go on, but it is complex, and like Chelle, things are not the same, and we move on, wiser and clearer what the relationship really was.

I can empathize with what you are going through however, it does take two to make a relationship work.  Much like a relationship between a man and a woman.  Having loved someone like I have never loved anyone before and then only to realize they didn't or couldn't love me in the same way, you just have to walk away.  If that person wants to be a part of your life they have to come to you.  You can't force the relationship.  All you can do is offer your friendship and love and if they don't want to reciprocate then as much as it hurts, you have to move on.  Trust me, sometimes it hurts for a very long time and very, very deeply.  I hope for you that you guys can work things out and restart your friendship especially if she means so much to you.  Good luck.

I think she could at least have talked to you about it. Maybe told you she didn't want this to become a problem in the friendship and that is why she was going to list with another man. Maybe she could ask you for a referral, and then you could at least get something out of the transaction and not worry about messing up the friendship. I have a close friend who had his home on the market, and I told him I didn't want to list it because I didn't want any problems between us. There is something about getting a big check at closing, and having a friend see that much of their money going to you. It can cause some hard feelings. Sorry you got into this position. Good luck working it out.

Kim,  This is wonderful advice!   Merry Christmas!  Jerry

Kim - great insight for all of us. There's a part of me that likes Broker Bryant's philosophy not to sell in the town he lives in - it's definitely less complicated.

On another note - I used to live in West Chester Pa and my family is still in Berwyn and Concordville - so maybe we can meet sometime when we're up there. It is truly a small world and that was a great reminder in your post too!

Congrats on the feature. 

Kim - I have included this post in the weekly recap post for Family Ties.  Thanks!

Wishing You HAPPY HOLIDAYS and Best Wishes for A GREAT YEAR 2008.

New York Certified Home Inspector Long Island NY Tommy   Nassau/Suffolk/Queens Home Inspections

Kim, what a great detailed description of the reunion followed by the pain on the business end. Maybe your friend's intent wasn't to not use you (deliberately) as a Realtor, but as you thought to just save money. It does hurt though when they know you are in the business. With hindsight you should've been miffed but treated her professionally, and now it has bothered you all this time. With people close to you they will disappoint you from time to time. That's life. I can really tell you've grown from this whole thing. That meeting in the store was a divine happening I believe too. What are the odds??

Now that was a beautiful story...even though it hasn't turned out the way you'd like..you still are doing your part. Hope everything works out. :)

Kim, I have been monitoring the responses you are getting on this BLOG, and I have to say, you have touched a lot of heart strings!   You get an A+ for the wonderful service you rendered in writing a personal and touching story.   Thanks for sharing!   Jerry

Kim:

You two will work it out. You have to forgive yourself. I have learned sometimes it is easier to not work with friends or family. Good luck, Cassie

Very wise, very sound, very smart advice.

Sometimes, we can be too honest.  Sometimes, it serves no purpose, really, to tell a friend that they've hurt us deeply - sometimes.  Sometimes it is much better to just - as you said - get over it.