It's happened to all of us: we write a post that creates strong reactions and things go pear-shaped. Sometimes we wrote in perfect innocence, sometimes in righteous indignation, sometimes with an intent to stir the pot, but suddenly our own personal little blog goes pear-shaped. Sometimes the most hum-drum topics -- from home staging to open houses to door knocking -- can incite the most unimaginable conflict among AR members. Other times the topic itself is controversial, like the foreclosure moratorium or what Zillow.com is really up to.
In any case, alliances form, shift and disperse as we each have our say. When I first joined, I watched with deep envy as Amanda Durbin Hall and TLW gleefully hijacked posts (it took me two years to ask ADH to explain "I love lamp"). I lurked while Paul Slaybaugh and Jason Sardi whipped off witty soliloquies and snappy rebuttal posts. And as I became more active on AR, I saw bloggers crash and burn in Stager-gate, the SEO wars, and of course the ongoing debate over the future of AR.
My little AR world has gone pear-shaped more than once.
In the fall of 2010 I wrote a series of posts about the foreclosure moratorium that quickly became a battleground of opinions and misinformation. I was sinking fast in one of those comment threads when Debe Maxwell gracefully stepped in:"Leslie, I know you didn't mean that, did you?". Since I had no idea what I meant by that point I took the lifeline and started responding to comments with "yes, of course" and "interesting point" and "thanks for commenting". Debe makes me smile.
Disagreement doesn't need to mean disagreeable. Some bloggers handle the unexpected conflict very well, like Jackie Connelly-Fornuff in her infamous post "I Kicked the Buyer to the Curb". I will never forget the deeply emotional -- and completely inexplicable -- reaction to Tom Branch's cell phone post about why he doesn't give out his cell number. Tom didn't want to talk about phones for quite a while after that but he sure handled that comment thread well. No matter what the topic, Greg Nino speaks his mind and doesn't argue...he just writes what he thinks and moves on. He's sort of a strong silent type of blogger.
J. Philip Faranda is one of the best at writing on controversial topics and maintaining control of the conversation. Sometimes I'll bet he wants to write "Jane, you ignorant s*#t" when things get out of hand, but I think he always manages to successfully make his points and be a gentleman.
Alan May writes well, on just about every topic under the sun, but I don't think I've ever seen one of his posts get out of control. I think I can hear him grimace from time to time in responding to comments, but he shuts off unpleasant debate with his masterful command of language: "Hmmm, you don't say...." certainly keeps the radical fringe from getting more worked up.
It's hard work to write well on interesting subjects, offer well-reasoned opinions and then keep your cool when people loudly disagree. In Jon Zolsky's post about AR a few days ago I commented that I participate less on AR these days because it's distracting to write consumer-oriented posts and end up arguing business practices with people who can't say what state your town is in. Jon's comment to me was perfect "but why argue if you don't want to". Jon is a wise man.
So what do you do when things go pear-shaped? We should avoid provoking people into digging themselves in deeper when a comment thread gets wacky. When you see someone struggling or over-reacting in a comment thread, a private message or a gentle nudge might help them to re-establish equilibrium. If you see your own post going pear-shaped, it's probably best to close off comments or delete the darn thing altogether. It's hard to put our words out there for all the world to chew on, but the rewards can far out-weigh the benefits if you can keep your world from going pear-shaped.
Comments(62)