RAMBLINGS...........May 2012............By: Diane Sawdon
I always knew I would be writing this “Rambling” one day. I did not know when, but the last five months had led me to believe that the time was imminent. Just a few short days ago, the Caregivers suggested that it was time to call in Hospice. Within a week, my Mother died peacefully in her sleep. Looking back on the past seven years, I have concluded that this has been a slow crawl to the end. I have watched my Mother disappear inside herself. It was painful to observe and, only after years of my trying to fight the process, did I come to terms with her decline and try to accept the inevitable. This was to be her predetermined fate. She had no choice and neither did I. My husband pointed out that Mother Nature, the Great Spirit in the Sky, the Good Lord or someone protects the old and infirm by allowing them to find joy in simple pleasures. As Mom’s world became smaller and smaller until it was only the scope of her bed, she was not aware of the outside world. There were no more trials or tribulations for her. The storms of her life were over and done.
Now, we are left with memories and paperwork. I keep searching around for old memories, but the current memories are too raw and too real to allow me to go back yet. I know that I will find more of these happy or humorous recollections as the days, weeks and months pass. For the moment, my memory bank is in a holding pattern. Just like the colored beach ball on my computer, those “fleshy tablets” of my mind are on search. As for the paperwork, it appears to be endless. We keep attacking it one day at a time, one step at a time. I know that one day, my personal albatross, the Walnut Creek house, will be sold.
I have a firm belief that wherever my Mom is right now, she is telling those in charge how to do things! Love you and miss you..........