The REALMAN, Realtor - Assassin
Just how far are you willing to go to please your customer? Are you willing to become... REALTOR / ASSASSIN?
On a lazy Sunday afternoon the phone rang, shattering the peace of a relaxed time sipping a fine adult beverage (Hamm's Beer) with my hot mate (it was about 90 degrees out and we were both hot).
I immediately recognized the voice on the other end of the line as a desperate single woman with whom I had already signed one contract with... a contract at times that I have regretted. What could she possible ask of me now.
I need to issue a hit, she didn't say but implied. There are children next door, noisy children, and I need them "taken care of".
Despair came over me, I hate killing... and mere babies yet. I tried to talk her out of it. "Sasha", (not her real name) I said, "they will grow up and leave the nest before you know it, do you really think we need to kill them? After all, you left the door open all summer Sasha and invited them in". "They are driving me out of my mind" she said.
They don't have far to drive I thought, probably could do it with just fumes in the tank.
I asked my hot mate (still 90 degrees out) if she would come along, thinking she is good with kidos and if there was some way I could just sneak the kids out of there she could keep the little ones quit with out me having to snuff them out.
When we arrived Sasha was waiting and eager to witness the blood bath. I thought, what kind of woman is this, she raised children once herself.
Hottie and I had barely gotten out of the car with the necessary tools to do the job yet Sasha was already hysterical pointing to the rafters in her garage. "There THEY are" she said.
I was releived, just last week they were still in the nest waiting for their next meal, now they were flying from rafter to rafter with Mom and Dad. I removed the empty nest.
With both the overhead door and the back door open Hottie and I waved brooms over our heads but mom, dad, and the kids just went on singing, jumping from rafter to rafter.
I told Sasha, "there will be no killing today, all you can do is shut the big door and when they get hungry enough they will fly out the small door and look for food". Sasha was upset, pouted, and threatened to fire me the next day.
She did start looking for another Realtor. Thanks to some good luck the right buyer came at the right time and we penned a deal. Still, with closing a month away... the phone rang again.
"Realman, you have to get over here and mow the lawn again."
Realman, Assassin, Yardman. Geeze, what won't I do for a listing???
Bob Timm, National Marketing Realtors, Minot ND