When your son dies...

By
Real Estate Agent with Realty One Group SA551856000
https://activerain.com/droplet/4t54

Some of you know my 22 year old son was killed in a car accident the first of September. It has been a difficult time for our family. Thank you for your patience with me while I get my sea legs with this. Since you are all friends, I will share more about Phillip and his life with you as time goes on...I actually set up a blog for him and have been blogging some of my challenges. www.phillipshelton.com

I really miss him and you might wonder what this has to do with real estate. Well, nothing really except sometimes as professionals...we must think about what the other agent we are working with could be going through. I have been upfront about my struggles with agents because quite frankly, the first month, my brain wasn't clicking at 100%. Now, I had a title person tell me that my 50% was better than what she saw most at 100%. I take this as a compliment and understand that I am my own worst critic. My clients were my saving grace during the after mass. There were days I shut down. I was honest and told them I was doing that. Some days I didn't get out of my pajamas. I was always on top of their transaction and I had a another great agent step up to the plate and support me with one transaction that was in the middle of inspections. I wanted to make sure everyone was covered.

The point is...this isn't something that will be fixed in a month. It has been three months as I write this and I still cry daily. I still think of him. I miss him. It is the Holiday season now. I miss him. It is not logical. I can be looking at a pencil and think of him. There is no rhyme or reason what my brain is doing with my thoughts. The best thing anyone can do is offer compassion and support. After all, we are professionals and treating each other with respect is part of being professional.

Here is a video of my son...I love it that it captures his personality and expressions. He was very expressive with his eyes. I miss you Phillip Henry...may you rest well. Love, Mom

Phillip Shelton

I have worked with some agents who I am ashamed they are in the business. I had one like this right before Phillip died. She was driving my clients around, working directly with them. They were sending paperwork to her...this was after I set a boundary with them about driving 100 miles each way to pick them up...they wanted rides to the airport. I did it a couple of times and then asked them to rent a car and they called the listing agent and she drove them and spent time with them. They in turn were angry with me and gossiping about me...the listing agent felt inclined to tell me the buyers and sellers got together with the help of her, to bad mouth me. Nice. I would have called her broker...she was the DB.

In the end, it closed. She called me incompetent. My broker laughed at this. She had set it up so she rescued and was the savior. The sad thing was, there were things she did that worked against them....I was guiding them on the back side as she would CC me on the correspondence and then they would respond to her. For example: they send a list of repairs directly to her that they wanted. I told them they just closed their inspection window so they could do no further inspections. The seller sent a resonse back saying...we will have that checked. We will have someone look at that, etc. It didn't say anything about fixing it or correcting it. I sent an email pointing this out to them...still they accepted directly to the listing agent. It was the most frustrating transaction ever. Could I get into trouble for exposing her here? Perhaps. I don't know...I didn't go through the proper channels of exposing her as I had planned to when my son died.

I would love to hear your comments about this agent and any experiences you have had with bad agents and how you handled it.



 
Phillip Shelton
Posted by

Michelle Shelton, REALTOR

Realty One Group
Arizona Real Estate
480-577-8272

We don't see things the way THEY are, we see things the way WE are. - Thumond

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Rainer
462,502
Dan Hopper
Dan Hopper - Gold Way RE - Westminster, CO
Denver Broker / Author / Advocate/Short Sale

Michelle, my deepest sorrow for the loss of your Son, and my prayers to give you strength to carry on, and for your family!!

When a broker comes across as this "selfish" and does not mind slamming you in front of the clients you were originally working with, it is a sign of insecurity on that broker's part!   In NO way was it necessary to even discuss YOU with them, unless that broker felt inferior and felt necessary to try and build themselves up in front of those clients!!

There have been MANY times when I have worked with another broker's clients, on a listing of mine (keep in mind, that is really the key here), without the assistance of the other broker. and to HELP my Seller find a willing, able, and ready to buy Buyer.... I WILL WORK IT!!  Then, I have sent a commission check to the other, and if they actually backed out, I would send a referral fee to them!!

What goes around COMES AROUND!!

Dec 14, 2012 01:18 AM #1
Rainmaker
79,032
Randy "Lazarus" McAtee
Lazarus Realty - Fresno, CA
Owner/Broker, Lazarus Realty, Fresno California

My condolences on the loss of your son.  It's gotta be painful watching that video.

You dont even want to get me started on incompetent agents.  I admit that I am hypercritical of the unethical practices of those in our industry.  As I age though, I realize that its just HUMAN NATURE and its really prevalent in every industry, we just see it in ours because that's where we're at.

When watching the Life of Pi I was deeply struck by the main character's statement:

Hunger can change everything you thought you knew yourself

Those of us who are relatively comfortable in life should thank God.  Personally, I dont want to be tested by hunger. 

I read a book about life in a prison camp and the author recounted how when women first entered the camp they were absolutely certain that they would not bend with respect to their morals.  However he noted that without exception, over time, EVERY WOMAN HE OBSERVED CAPTILATED and became attached to some officer who protected and provided for her.

I feel the same way about the behaviour of some agents as I do about a theif who steals from me:  I reckon they need it more than I do. 

They are REAL hungry.

Dont get me wrong though, I hope they're caught and their karma kicks them in the ass ;)

 

 

 

Dec 14, 2012 02:29 AM #2
Rainmaker
35,967
Michelle Shelton
Realty One Group - Gilbert, AZ
REALTOR®, Certified Negotiations Expert®

Dan,

Thank you for your kind words. I called the agent and spoke to her and told her I wanted to course correct this and make this right...she said, don't worry you will get your commission. I forgot to tell you...this home wasn't even listed yet...I had clients in the car and spoke to a neighbor that said...hey, I think they might be selling so I went and knocked on the door and spoke to the owner and asked for her agents name...it was a friend of hers and I wanted to be respectful of that.

The buyer was from Canada and the listing agent was from Canada so they had this kindred relationship apparently.

I agree that it was about her insecurity. The thing was...she didn't need to over-prove herself. I am a great agent and would put myself up against any agent as far as knowledge and guidance, communication and loyalty to my clients.

I have also, as a listing agent, worked with buyers...with that being said...it was always out of respect to their agent...I would build their agent up and gently guide them back to him / her. At the time it was a frustrating position to be in because it was very one-sided and I felt she took away the best possible representation for them.

I suspect she will pay the prices of this behavior through broken relationships and I know the way you do anything is the way you do everything. If she holds people incapable and sees them small in real estate, you know she is doing it in her personal life.

Thank you again for taking time to write.

Michelle

Dec 14, 2012 02:52 AM #3
Rainmaker
79,032
Randy "Lazarus" McAtee
Lazarus Realty - Fresno, CA
Owner/Broker, Lazarus Realty, Fresno California

Michelle -- Thanks for the new (to me) one-liner ---->

The way you do anything is the way you do everything.

 

Dec 14, 2012 02:57 AM #4
Rainmaker
35,967
Michelle Shelton
Realty One Group - Gilbert, AZ
REALTOR®, Certified Negotiations Expert®

Hi Randy,

The video is both a blessing and a curse. It is difficult to watch because of all that could have been and the missed opportunities. I am using this to create a new relationship with my son who died and my living children. We have a very strong family and a lot of different personalities!

Thank you for your kind words of comfort. I have yet to see the Life of Pi but it has special meaning to me. My son, Phillip has a (now) 17 month old daughter that I know will never remember him...I gave her the nickname Pi or Pie as I have always spelled it....when she was very young. I like the concept of the movie and think I would enjoy it very much. It is on my list to see soon.

I often have to calm myself at the behavior of other agents...everything from using wrong terminology to communicate ie. offer VS contract, etc to not returning calls and following time-frames.

Thank you for taking time to comment. I appreciate it!

Warm Regards,

Michelle

Dec 14, 2012 03:02 AM #5
Rainmaker
35,967
Michelle Shelton
Realty One Group - Gilbert, AZ
REALTOR®, Certified Negotiations Expert®

Randy...you are welcome...it is one of my favorites in coaching...if someone is vague in business, they will be vague in personal...if they are making things difficult in business...they do it at home. And of course...I look at the way I do things from that perspective too and work with taking each moment as it comes and not operating from auto pilot...that is what causes that.

 

Dec 14, 2012 03:04 AM #6
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Rainmaker
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Michelle Shelton

REALTOR®, Certified Negotiations Expert®
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