Real Estate Broker/Owner with William Raveis Legends Realty Group LLC NYS# 10491202097

No matter how many times we try to explain to our BUYERS and SELLERS that real estate is a business transaction and you need to take emotions out of it, these emotions still exist.

SELLERS many times are emotionally attached to their homes. They have raised their children there and hopefully have many good memories. Their home is perfect... to them. So it is hard for them to have buyers come through and give any negative feedback. We, once again, explain that this is a business transaction and cannot be taken personally.

Once an offer comes in that is low they are insulted. But no offer is meant to be insulting and they should always counter to see if the buyer is serious. You have to understand the BUYERS position formed by the constant reminders in the press that this is a “Buyers Market”. You cannot blame them for trying. But in many instances they are serious and will come up to a price that both SELLER and BUYER can live with.

BUYERS also have emotions when looking for a home. I always tell them they will get a certain feeling when they walk into “the” home. You cannot force it, it's just there. So in saying that, I then again have to remind them to take the emotions out of the offer stage. It's a little contradictory but true. Also, if a SELLER does not immediately meet their offer sometimes they are insulted. Which does not make for a good negotiation.

My point in either scenario is, the AGENTS involved need to be the ones to keep the CALM. That's part of our job. We have to explain the emotion part and the business part to our SELLERS and BUYERS. If agents get wound up in their emotions then things may be said to SELLER or BUYER which can cause animosity between the parties. And if an offer is eventually accepted there are now bad feelings which is just not a good way to end a transaction.

We want everyone happy at closing. So... stay CALM... and close the deal!


Posted by

Westchester County - Phyllis Lerner, Realtor Phyllis Lerner

Broker / Owner

Westchester County NY - Real Estate Listings, Sales, Rentals & Services

Voted 2010 through 2019 FIVE STAR Real Estate Agent by Westchester Magazine

(Disclaimer: Any and all grammar, punctuation and spelling mistakes located within my blogs, web sites and any other content, are purely for your amusement and entertainment.) 


Re-Blogged 4 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Debbie Cook 12/19/2012 10:01 PM
  2. Winston Heverly 03/28/2013 09:45 PM
  3. Charles Stallions 03/29/2013 06:52 AM
  4. Praful Thakkar 08/01/2018 10:51 PM
Real Estate Best Practices
New York
Westchester Real Estate Network (WREN)
William Raveis
Westchester County
Agent's Toolbox
emotions of real estate

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Ridhi Raheja
Movement Mortgage (Illinois) - Naperville, IL
FHA, 203k, VA, Jumbo, PreApproval, Jumbo Home Loan

Emotions are always there..they're inevitable. If they sound too overdramatic, keep your cool and stay professional.


Dec 20, 2012 01:01 AM #86
Travis "the SOLD man" Parker; Associate Broker
iXL Real Estate-Wiregrasss\ - Enterprise, AL
email: Travis@theSOLDman.me / cell: 334-494-7846

I have many people who want to give low-ball offers, so I try to talk them into being reasonable and make a fair offer using much of the same reasoning as in your paragraph on Sellers. Usually works.

Dec 20, 2012 01:25 AM #87
Richard V. Foster, Esq.
Nevada Perfect Homes - Henderson, NV
Broker (58356) - ABR/M, CREN, CRS, GRI, RRG, SFR

The most important tip I have from over the years is the difference between a "HOME" and a "HOUSE." When I am speaking to Buyers, I am trying to find them their next "HOME" and that the emotion that this implies. For sellers, I am simply attempting to sell a "HOUSE," I try and disconnect them from what used to be their home and get them into the mindset of selling a pile of sticks and glass.

Dec 20, 2012 01:43 AM #88
David Cooke
DLC Jencor Mortgages - Calgary, AB
your Calgary mortgage broker
Emotions are important and realtors must recognize that certain people will react differently to a low ball offer. Addressing the emotions can be a good way to diffuse a difficult situation.
Dec 20, 2012 02:14 AM #89
Mike & Marie

Our transaction are full of emotions. Thank you for the reminder!

Dec 20, 2012 03:16 AM #90
Jeremy Joslin
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - South Windsor, CT
Professional Real Estate Marketing and Sales

So true Phyllis.  I found that when i first started I would get emotional and add to my clients anxiety.  Now for the most part I am able to help my clients stay calm and focused and everyone has a better experience.

Dec 20, 2012 05:19 AM #91
Linda Dye

Let's face it.  We are the ones who are there to be their support systems.

Whether seller a home or buying one, clients cannot help but get emotionaly involved. And why shouldn't they be?  A home is far more than a mere building.

Our job is to ensure that in the midst of all their emotions, we provide a solid foundation (pun intended) to inform and guide them toward the successful sale or purchase of their home.

Linda Dye


Dec 20, 2012 05:21 AM #92
Jo Ann Poole

I've said for years, Phyllis, that real estate is nothing but psychological...it is so true...

Dec 20, 2012 05:34 AM #93
John Dotson
Preferred Properties of Highlands, Inc. - Highlands, NC - Highlands, NC
The experience to get you to the other side!

Emotions are a hard thing to control sometimes.  Many time when we think they will work for us they backfire.

Like you say, the best thing for agents is to stay calm.

Dec 20, 2012 09:33 AM #94
Bob Miller
Keller Williams Cornerstone Realty - Ocala, FL
The Ocala Dream Team

Hi Phyllis, when we got trained in real estate, we were told that buying or selling ranked right up there with marriage, divorce, death in the family.

Dec 20, 2012 11:50 PM #95
Toby Barnett
KW North Sound - Marysville, WA
Toby Barnett

For us, real estate is a business not a emtional decision or life decision for that matter. People have a emotional attachement to where they live and that attachment can increase depending on personalities. No mater how much we as brokers consult; the emotional attachment and involvement from buyers and sellers will always exist or arise in every transaction.

Dec 21, 2012 05:29 AM #96
Lauren Bianco
Weichert Realtors, Paupack Group - Hawley, PA

Thank you Phyllis, This is an often overlooked but essential element in home buying/selling.  I think it's all about emotion, really. And, I'm learning that - the more relevant and straightforward discussion I can have regarding their emotions/feelings and what to expect, the better the whole transaction goes.  Thanks so much! 

Dec 23, 2012 08:08 AM #97
Gene Riemenschneider
Home Point Real Estate - Brentwood, CA
Turning Houses into Homes

Part of emotions is not being run by your ego.  Don't loose the deal over small legitimate points.  See things from the other sides perspective too.

Dec 27, 2012 04:06 AM #98

aw the hats we have to wear!  Agents have to know how to keep the emotions or thoughts that they have out of the equation! I totally agree with Toby and the others.  We have to use our skills to try to keep the business side moving.

Happy New Year.

Dec 29, 2012 03:07 AM #99
Rosemary Brooks
BMC Real Estate - 209-910-3706 - Stockton, CA
The Mother & Daughter Realty Team

aw the hats we have to wear!  Agents have to know how to keep the emotions or thoughts that they have out of the equation! I totally agree with Toby and the others.  We have to use our skills to try to keep the business side moving.

Happy New Year.

Dec 29, 2012 03:09 AM #100
Dana Hollish Hill
Hollish Hill Group, KW Capital Properties - Bethesda, MD
Lead Associate Broker

I had a former client call me to get a referral for a listing agent. I'm an exclusive Buyer's Agent so my company doesn't list. He email told me that she had been given a name, but that her neighbors didn't have a warm and fuzzy feeling for that listings agent.

I told her that she doesn't need warm and fuzzy to sell her home. She needs a skilled marketer and strong negotiator. She got the point right away and asked for recommendations. It's funny how emotions can get in the way of a business decision.

Jan 11, 2013 01:14 AM #101
Wendy Phillips

Great Blog Phyllis!  If I have learned anything in my real estate career its exactly this- control your emotions!  Take a deep breath, compose and navigate through it.  If we agents can't keep our emotions in check, how can we expect our clients to? 


Feb 05, 2013 12:29 AM #102
Phyllis Lerner call 914.438.7556
William Raveis Legends Realty Group LLC - Tarrytown, NY
William Raveis Legends Realty Group

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog...

Dec 19, 2015 02:26 PM #103
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Franklin, MA
Marketing Agent for The Todaro Team

Good morning, Phyllis Lerner call 914.438.7556 I just saw this post on a reblog from Praful ..... good topic here.... once the client becomes emotionally attached to the property, they'd better close on it or devastation results...

Aug 02, 2018 04:10 AM #104
John G. Johnston
John G. Johnston & Associates, LLC - Westcliffe, CO
An Exclusive Buyer's Agent ~ Westcliffe, CO

This post speaks to the reason I am an Exclusive Buyer's Agent.  The emotional side for a buyer is exciting and new.  My market is 2nd home/vacation home so buyers are emotionally happy to be purchasing here.  Sellers on the other hand are moving many times for others reasons; health, grandchildren, financial...  I tell my clients their job is to jump up and down wanting the home.  My job is to dot the i's and cross the t's.  The last thing I want to hear from a client is 6 months after they bought a property that they would not have bought it if they knew....

Aug 03, 2018 11:16 AM #105
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