In my role as a divorce transition coach, I see my role as bringing people hope, value and new, fresh vision in their lives after they have had their world ripped apart in the process of divorce.
Today I feel numb with the events in Newtown, Connecticut. The school where the shootings occurred is 15 miles from my home. It is a school that I have passed hundreds of times in my life. It is a quiet town that I know for its quiet, peaceful way of life. It is a town that I have helped many people find a home as a realtor, through these past 31 years.
In searching for a reason that I felt so numb and out of sorts, it became clear that the very core of my belief was shaken yesterday. My mantra is, “The problem with loss is we get lost in the darkness and we fail to see the opportunity that it provides.” Yesterday and this morning I realize that I have been lost in the darkness. I was lost as I searched for any positive for the people who have lost a child or a loved one in this time of tragedy. My belief structure has been hit hard. I don’t have any answers and I don’t think there is a rational understanding for someone’s insane behavior.
The one thought that comes to mind is that I can’t control circumstances around me, but I can control that way I cope with them and the way I consciously think and act.
From more than 200 divorce group support sessions, I am a confident believer that as we meet together sharing the pain that each person is experiencing in their individual divorce, there is a positive energy that envelops the room and there is healing as everyone comes under the cloak of that positive energy “in the now.”
So often I will start a session by asking everyone to take a moment to leave the world outside the door, to let go of the issues and annoyances of the day, to check all of those distractions at the door so they can come into the session “present in the now”. In this way it encourages the opportunity to enter into our time with the freedom to be in the now and be able to experience the feelings and the energy of the now. Usually the pain and negative energy that people are feeling is reported and in reporting it, it can begin to be released. Surprisingly the laughter most evenings outshines the tears and pain. The mutual support, compassion and love that everyone shares for each other is incredible. People leave with hope, a new positive connection to others and with the knowledge that they are not alone.
I think my numbness comes from the fact that the negative energy of yesterday was more than that. It was evil energy, sick energy – energy so powerful that it shakes the very foundations of who I am and who I believe we are. As we struggle to understand, we become voyeurs and plug into the TV or radio looking for the newest detail. Is it to understand what the details are? No, I think deep down it is the need and desire to find out why. And yet as the news reporters continue to flash their repetitive photos and just keep taking, it is easy to be consumed by the negative evil energy. I know I was.
As I sat quietly with the news in the background I didn’t know what I felt – but I know I was joyless as the day progressed.
Late last night, I found some refuge in the photos of people gathering at churches in prayer services and the candlelight vigils outside of these over packed churches. Then I moved to facebook and took solace in the so many postings of good will and sympathy and compassion. It was still a challenge to get past all of the confusion I felt. Sleep was the way I finally removed myself from the morass of negative energy, out of the confusion, away from this incredible challenge to the roots of my core values – hiding in the mindless activity that let me escape my consciousness in the now.
This morning as I write, I am very much in my consciousness. My TV is turned off. I have decided that I don’t need to know any more of the grueling details. Someone will fill me in at some time; I am sure. There will be a time that I will value knowing the reasons why and hope that will repair the core values that I hold about the goodness of the world and mankind. I do so want to believe that circumstances can be bad, but people are inherently good. It is when the circumstances become so out of control and the person’s thoughts are beyond control that negative as well as evil energy takes over that person.
I write this for my understanding and share it with you so that I can suggest some positive actions.
First, turn off your TV – stop being a voyeur and let your conscious thoughts seek positive energy.
Get outside, look at the blue sky, breathe deeply and take in the natural energy around you. Take a walk in the woods, a run if you can. Take some time to be in solitude and consciously look at the positives in your life. This is a time to shift your outlook to the positive and remember with gratitude and appreciation all of the things in your life that you are thankful for. Look for the sunshine, regardless of the weather conditions where you are – it is shining somewhere.
If you prefer to stay inside take a few minutes to sit quietly and meditate, pray or just be silent. Take time to relax your body and mind. Release any and all thoughts. Find that inner place within you or seek that power that you trust which is greater than you. Turn on some music; quiet, soothing, peaceful sounds. Let it bathe you in peace.
Find a person or a group of people to spend some time with. Yes it is okay to share your negative feelings – the pain, sadness and scared. But don’t stay there; find the relief of releasing those feelings with important friends and feel the positive experience of being in relationship with another human being.
Attend a church service or vigil – again release the pain, but feel the positive energy of the community around you.
Pick up that book which has positive thoughts, the Bible is the book for many. Thich Nhat Hanh’s Peace is Every Step is a book of meditations that always works for me. Getting lost in a murder mystery is not the answer.
And finally gather your family around you. Hug the babies, really “Be” with your children and your loved ones that are close by. Phone your loved ones who live a distance away. Appreciate those close connections that you have.
Will this give meaning to this tragic event – No! But, I do believe it will lead to bringing you peace and positive energy. Consciously send that positive energy out into the universe. Send it to the families in Newtown who are dealing with their loss. Direct it to places in the world where there is war and turmoil. Send it out to anyone that could use a positive lift today. Transmit hope and positive energy out into the world.
Let’s do all we can to conquer the negative, evil energy that has been unleashed in Newtown yesterday. Don’t get lost in the darkness. Seek to understand that we can’t control circumstances around us, but we can control the way we cope with those events and the way we consciously think and act.
Standing together with loving hearts, redirecting our energy in a positive way; I believe we can change the world.
Blessings to you all,
Warren
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