I Wish It Was As Easy as Kumbaya

Real Estate Broker/Owner with MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC NC# 218097

I wish the cure was as easy as a few rounds of “Kumbaya” and really… if everyone hummed a few bars mentally together once in a while it would make a small difference but that’s a pretty unrealistic solution to tragic events like the horrific loss of life in Connecticut on Friday.

Once the initial reporting occurred, the talking heads and pundits proceeded to do what they do best…saturate us with blah blah blah non stop. I have to believe on a personal level, everyone speaking to the matter initially wrestled like we all did with the horror of the situation. But then, chatter matter took over. The eventual star of the show, naturally, was gun control. I’m no expert on gun control…far from it. I’m willing to bet though that if 1 million gun owners exist, the madmen who pull off these mass shootings (mostly male, white, young) probably account for a nano percent of those million. I also realize that of the segment of the population who is mostly male, white, and young…there’s an extreme minority of that class who’ll pick up a gun and take out their frustrations by killing unsuspecting crowds of people.

This is a bizarrely complex issue and while gun control is easy to talk about and debate, it doesn’t begin to address the real woes. I can’t pretend to know where it starts. I don’t know if the families and support systems of these shooters (mostly male, white, young) were different than that of myself and my brothers. Probably not much different. We had guns and my brothers had many similarities, they were young, male and white…not once in a million years though would they ever have thought the escape from their internal pains, angers and other problems could be achieved by the taking of innocent lives.

In my opinion… mass killings, rape, domestic violence, bullying in school, gang wars and arson, it is about power and control. Societies all over the world have such a stark division and misguided reverence about “celebrity” “influence” and “affluence” in sports, entertainment, politics and religion that when some of their own itty bitty lives are inspected they feel insignificant, ignored and disdained.

We are a world obsessed with the “haves and have nots”, the “our kind and their kind”, the “reds and the blues”, the “gays and the straights”, the “whites and everyone else”, the “rich and poor“… we seem to embrace division instead of diversity and we always want to know there’s someone weaker and more unfortunate than us. Even the apparent make up of the madmen (mostly young, white males) becomes a division and will cause fear and suspicion when we wonder which one will crack next.

How sick is that?

There is no cure for the anguish and despair the families of the slain are feeling this season, but if we don’t start embracing tolerance for each other’s differences soon there will never be an end to these tragedies.


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Comments (25)

Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Steve, absolutely and give them the solitude they need to process through the unthinkable.  All we can do is be a little kinder to our neighbors.

Dec 15, 2012 11:16 PM
Sheila Anderson
Referral Group Incorporated - East Brunswick, NJ
The Real Estate Whisperer Who Listens 732-715-1133

Good morning Mona. Your impassioned writing touches me often and it did again today. You are correct that the little minds who focus on the dangers of diversity spread intolerance and hatred that contributes to all kinds of sad and in-explainable actions. That said, on the same day as the tragedy in Connecticut there was a school attack in Asia that impacted dozens of children. The assailant used a knife because no guns are available. No one died. It is true that no amount of legislation will preclude the sick, damaged or insistent from getting a gun, but in this case the guns were owned by "the mother" legally. It wasn't hard for this kid to grab and go. If guns were not available then maybe he would have found them another way but it hardly matters now. Too many talking heads for sure and the beat goes on......Sadly kindness is less important than politics. Great discussion my friend.

Dec 15, 2012 11:27 PM
Will Hamm
Hamm Homes - Aurora, CO
"Where There's a Will, There's a Way!"

Good Morning Mona,  I am just so confuse about why things like this happen.  It was to close to home three times out here in our state.  I wish they would shoot them self first if they are going to in the end.

Dec 16, 2012 12:07 AM
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Sheila, there are so many rabbit holes we can go down in this discussion and the solution lies in every single one of those holes.  Everyone wants one neat response and that just won't happen.

Will, these deranged people aren't rational enough to end their own lives first but I understand you're statement.

Dec 16, 2012 12:41 AM
Belinda Spillman
Aspen Lane Real Estate Colorful Colorado - Aurora, CO
Colorado Living!

Mona,  The entire incident just leaves me speechless.  I can't begin to imagine the pain and anguish the families of the little ones are feeling this holiday season.  So I say a little prayer for them.

Dec 16, 2012 02:00 AM
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth

Mona, the lack of apparent empathy by the shooter disturbs me the most, like no feeling there. There is something very wrong there.

Dec 16, 2012 03:53 AM
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Belinda, I don't even have children and can't even imagine how these families will cope this year and every year after with such a definitive anniversary.

Gary, we'll never know but maybe the shooter perceived the world to have a lack of empathy from the world.  You are right, there is something very wrong.

Dec 16, 2012 07:15 AM

Gun control is not about taking away all guns.  That is not what rational people want. Rational people want a ban on assault weapons, which have no purpose in hunting or other sports like skeet, and exist only to kill people. Rational people want a requirement for gun owners to prove and maintain training in gun safety - just as boat owners and owners of other sporting equipment with the potential to result in injuries or death are required to do, and don't seem to have any problem doing. Rational people want requirements set for safe storage of weapons, particularly where there are children or people with mental illnesses.

 All of the RESPONSIBLE gun owners I have known are already conforming to what rational people are asking.

 I might also pass on this quote:

 "Other nations, our neighbors to the north in Canada, for instance, have stricter gun laws with per capita gun ownership about one-third as high as in the United States. But the number of gun murders there are not one-third as high. They are 1/100th as high. As gun-owners and other Americans join to fight the gun extremists, we need to work together to undermine the values and other factors behind those statistics."

Dec 16, 2012 11:58 PM
Roger D. Mucci
Shaken...with a Twist 216.633.2092 - Euclid, OH
Lets shake things up at your home today!

Hard to believe, but once again your words have left me speechless..........I have no words Mona, other than I agree with your thoughts, if only it were that easy.

Dec 17, 2012 12:35 AM
Gay E. Rosen
Julia B. Fee Sotheby's International Realty - Larchmont, NY
As Real as Real Estate Gets!

Mona -  I agree with you.... The press delight in repeating everything again and again... How and where did they all find hotel accommodations? They came from Russia, Europe, everywhere to report on this tragedy.... when the families should be just left alone, in their grief, and offer them some respect in this awful time.  Too much pigeon holing...until the next tragedy occurs... and they  (the press) have already forgotten the homeless in Staten Island.  Yes, America seemingly embraces 'division' instead of' diversity'.

Dec 17, 2012 01:08 AM
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Joanne, thank you so much for your well presented comment.  If debate was presented with logic and facts we would be so much further ahead than with emotion and rhetoric.

Roger...thank you friend.

Gay, media thrives on making our divisions appear like raw open wounds instead of focusing on areas where diversity is embraced.

Dec 17, 2012 03:26 AM
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH Real Estate - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Mona, this is so sad.  I recently found out that my niece is pregnant, and when I think of the joy that each of these children's parents and family felt when they entered the world and what they are feeling now, I think that we've made a bizarre trade off.

Dec 17, 2012 12:03 PM
Regina P. Brown
MBA Broker Consultants - Carlsbad, CA
M.B.A., Broker, Instructor

Mona, really makes us think, doesn't it!  We know there is both good and bad in the world, and although we really want to believe that everyone is "good" and a "child of God", it's not true.  Some people are just plain evil.  There is a strong satanic, demonic force that some people have succumbed to and allowed to take over their minds. 

On the social media, I see lots of people disputing "gun rights".  In my humble opinion, laws are only made for people who choose to obey them.  The evil people have no regard for rules, laws, or "gun control". 

And by the way, I'll bet this kid played violent gun-type video games all day long! 

Dec 17, 2012 12:39 PM
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Patricia, all we can hope is that the parents and families still treasure the joy of knowing those children even for the very brief time they did.  I can't begin to imagine what they are feeling now but I would guess it is somewhere between shock, horror and despair.  As hard as it is for them now, it will be harder still a week, a month, a year...every anniversary of every birthday, first step, first day of summer vacation and every holiday for some time.

Regina, you are right that the people who would break the law anyway will not pay any attention to new laws put in place.

Dec 17, 2012 12:52 PM
Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089
Hawai'i Life Real Estate Brokers - Haiku, HI
Maui Real Estate sales and lifestyle info

Ridalin, Paxil, Zoloft, Aderil, etc etc.  Why is nobody talking about this factor in almost all mass shootings?

Dec 19, 2012 04:05 AM
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Georgina, when I saw your comment my first thought with all those drug names was that the spammer got me again!  There are so many things that aren't being taken into consideration and these drugs are certainly something I've never heard mentioned...good point.

Dec 19, 2012 01:00 PM
Sandra Paulow
Aspen Properties, Inc. - Pinetop Lakeside, AZ
REALTOR, Associate Broker, GRI, SFR

I read your article with much interest and something struck me in there.  Could this be happening more and more because being (Young, Male, & White) is currently be perceived as being a bad thing?  Diversity is one thing but diversity and the embracement of diversity must go in all directions.  In an attempt to level the playing field over the past 40 years so all people have the same opportunities, it has gone from one extreme to the other and has created a system that favors some over others.  Maybe it is time to let things be instead of trying to level the playing field through legislation. I think in the interest in trying to "protect" we have actually caused the opposite effect and in fact created more division.  There was a time when these guidelines were needed, I think today we need to eliminate the class system and just let people live as they choose!  JMO!

Jan 04, 2013 12:58 AM
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Hi Sandra, thanks for your comment.  I don't necessarily think that being young, male and white is a bad thing but I do think young, male and white is a continuation of the historically privileged.  Perhaps because those privileges are beginning to erode and we stand on the brink of everyone getting access to the level playing field...young, white and male (some of them) are feeling resentful and frustrated.  Without learned coping skills all they know is to lash out.  I respectfully disagree with you that all people have the same opportunities.  IMO we are probably still a generation away from true equal opportunity.  Protection through legislation is still a necessity otherwise the powerful and the privileged will continue to dominate.

Jan 04, 2013 03:26 AM
Dan Sanley
La Mesa, CA

Well said.

I agree that we seem to be going in a direction of taking sides and creating situations to make each side more entrenched and further away from the other.  If that is the "wrong direction" everyone says we are going in, then they are right.

However, I think the "wrong direction" everyone speaks of is, "You aren't going MY way."

We should all be focused on what we share as commong ground that we all stand on and start working to come together.

Jan 17, 2013 01:44 AM
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Thank you Dan.  It does seem like the factions like to concentrate on all of our differences much more than our similarities.

Jan 17, 2013 01:20 PM