Hopefully I can articulate the thoughts that have been running through my mind since my drive home tonight. Epiphany, "light-bulb" moment, God speaking to me? I don't want to over analyze the "why" but feel the need to put this "out there."

There are books on this very topic, "Likeability Factor" by best selling author, Tim Sanders first comes to mind where he discusses the 4 critical elements in a person's "likability factor" and they are; friendliness, relevance, empathy and realness.

Webster's Dictionary defines "likable" as; "having qualities that bring about a favorable regard." When I think of those qualities I think Tim nailed it with his four elements of one's likability. You may question initially two of the elements, the relevance quality but more likely, the realness part.

Let's not confuse being likable with agreeable. Being a sheep or a "yes" person in order to avoid conflict is not what I am talking about. Often that would raise the question if the person is being genuine, real or just flat out fake, just to fit in and to go with the flow.

That is not my goal nor would I want to be that person, but I do think and hope most of us want to be likable. For me at least, as I get older, I find myself feeling, most recently in an election year, recent human tragedies and the "CHRISTmas"argument in public places that I have to take sides, no holds barred, take me or leave me, love me or hate me, no middle ground or worse yet the attitude of "screw you an the horse you road in on!"

Trying to keep my faith out of this and speaking more on a worldly, or dare I say, secular ground. Just sticking to the basics of the human dynamic and psychology of it all. Looking back into our early childhood and now personally for me,through the eyes of my daughter, I have to ask at what point, did I try to convince myself that you I don't care who likes me or heaven forbid, chose to only like those friends that think and act like me or the default no-brainer, already like me, who cares about the rest?

But it is part of our DNA, like it or not, we have a desire to be liked and unless you are a sociopath, it's an interwoven, basic human need. Some people still haven't found their place in life where they feel liked or far too often, have been hurt enough by the people that did like them at some point and for whatever reason, often no fault of their own, weren't liked by them any more. Now, living quite content with their 6 cats, 2 dogs and other "void filler" in their quest to be liked without the hurt.

Time to get to the point (well I probably should have about 3 paragraphs ago if hopefully you are still with me.) You must ask yourself this important, thought-provoking question, "am I really likable?" If your answer is, "yes", super! If your answer is "no" and don't care, I can recommend a good therapist. 

All joking aside, back to my original point, to our earliest memory we want be liked, like it (pardon the pun) or not. That nervous feeling as a child walking into our first Sunday school class at the new church, starting kindergarten the first day, our first grade school "dance", the first "snowball" song at the local skating rink, you see the pattern, it all comes back to the basic human need of wanting to be liked.

Today, God's whisper, that light-bulb moment, whatever it was today while stuck in traffic, unfortunately originated from a work related email that initially caused me to want to put on the verbal boxing gloves, state my case, be defensive, emotional, immature, whatever you want to call it but vulnerability and humility was not on the table initially.

I wish I could say I never acted in way a that gave this person any fuel for their fire and immediately the thoughts in my head were speaking up, making excuses like, "they really don't know me, that's their perception, their problem, their over reacting," the excuses could be endless. 

But being real, I could easily say there have been many times that not just in this instance but many came to mind where I have not taken the high road, chosen not to act beyond reproach or for those of us that "believe", act Christlike in all circumstances.Sometimes those skeletons in the closet can fall out at the most inopportune times. Hindsight is wonderful to have but collecting the skeletons should be on the "not to-do" list.

It is critical to have your core values and beliefs in alighnment with your actions, otherwise you will be in constant conflict with yourself, never at rest. Now though, the scariest part is thinking of the reputation and legacy I leave for my daughter is priceless and not something to be messing around with and waiting for a "better time" to be likable to everyone, not just my friends that already like me.

There is no time to waste, not Jan 1st as a New Years resolution or some other arbitrary time where the circumstances are better emotionally, financially, spiritually or any other excuse I can find to not ALWAYS be likable with the goals of being friendly, relevant, empathetic and real with everyone. In ALL circumstances, I need to be IN the moment and welcome each experience as a divine appointment anytime I am with someone.

In summary, I will strive to be likable to everyone and please call me on it if I am not. Remember, I can't commit to being agreeable with you, just likable! Ha.

I challenge anyone that made it through this brain dump I just spilled on you to do the same and most importantly, if I have been unlikable, or pretty much just a jerk to you ever, my sincere apologies, I ask for your forgiveness and I hope to have the opportunity to be in your "likability circle" again some day.

Have a Merry Christmas, a significant 2013 and as always, Be Blessed!

Travis