One of my favorite topics to write about in my coaching blog is fear. I believe fear is at the root of all failure. It may not be obvious at first, but if you dig beneath the surface it's right there.
I've experienced successes and failures in my life and when I look at the failures, including my marriage last year, they're all rooted in fear. The most popular fear is one you hear about all the time, especially at all the "rah-rah, change your life, wow-I'm-magically-a-new-person" seminars: Fear of Rejection.
This is evidenced every year when that updated list of people's biggest fears is released. #2 is always death. #1 is always public speaking!
Many say they are intimidated by a crowd of people. What if the crowd doesn't like me? Nobody wants to be booed or met with indifference. I think it goes deeper than that. I believe people who are intimidated by public speaking in front of crowds are (for the most part) fearful in a one-on-one situation with someone they don't know. Multiply that fear by 50 or 100 or 1,000 or 10,000 in a crowd, and voila...a fate worse than death.
Does this, then, mean that meeting new people is worse than death?
Rejection is a sign of objection. Objections expose our fears. Are we really confident in what we do and what we're saying to people? If we're NOT, the objections we encounter will expose this.
I had a great coaching session with one of my agents yesterday and uncovered this very fear. She believes in what she's doing and she has a very personable manner about her, but was afraid of introducing herself to new people. Her fear was telling people she's a real estate agent and getting the reply, "Oh, my brother is an agent." or "My friend is an agent." or something similar. She felt like a meaningless number.
"Everybody knows an agent," she said.
"That doesn't mean they know a GOOD agent," I said.
FDR got it right: "...the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." This excerpt from his inaugural address was focused on the troubles of the time, particularly the Great Depression, but the message is something that relates to anything we want to accomplish as people.
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