I was fortunate enough to find some of the clips that were left on the cutting 
room floor after the movie Airplane was released. I was amazed to learn that the original premise was Real Estate. See how many of these "quotes" you remember from Airplane, the Leslie Nielson classic that started an entire genre of movies and television. This is for Rogers' Second Annual "Be The StarOf Your Own Movie Contest"
Buyers husband: You'd better tell the Realtor, we've got to be done with the walk through as soon as we can. We have to get to our settlement!
West Coast Realtor: A settlement? What is it?
Title Agent: It's East coast escrow, but that's not important right now.
Buyer: What kind of mortgage is it?
Mortgage rep:: Oh, it's a big pretty white mortgage with black letters, names in the front and numbers and it looks like a big lawsuit.
Settlement clerk: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.Settlement clerk: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
Settlement clerk: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines
Buyers agent to her buyer Nervous?
Buyer: Yes.
Buyers agent: First time?
Buyer No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Seller right before the closing: Can you cut your commission down to one percent?
Agent Surely you can't be serious.
Seller: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
Buyers agent:You got a letter from your lender this morning.
Buyer: The Lender! What is it?
Buyers agent: It's the mortgage company that's loaning you the money, but that's not important right now.
Buyer: Johnny, what can you make out of this?
[Hands him the appraisal]
Appraiser:: This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...
Sellers agent How soon can you settle? 
Escrow Officer: I can't tell.
Sellers agent: You can tell me. I'm the Realtor.
Escrow Officer:: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Sellers agent: Well, can't you take a guess?
Escrow Officer: Well, not for another two hours.
Sellers agent: You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Mortgage Salesman: Reverse Mortgages are an entirely different kind of mortgage, altogether.
Buyers Agent, Sellers Agent, Buyer, Seller, Appraiser, Title Clerk [together] It's an entirely different kind of mortgage.
At the open house: Would you like something to read?
Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
Realtor: How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"
Buyers agent to the buyer: Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, that's a dumb question... skip that.
At the broker meeting: "It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It's worse than Detroit" (Bloggers note... That was a direct quote).
Realtor: I won't deceive you, Mr. Mucci We're running out of time, the buyer is on their way!.
Roger: Surely there must be something you can do.
Realtor: I'm doing everything I can... and stop calling me Shirley!
Being a title agent for 26 years I often feel like im stuck in that silver sardine can of Real Estate stuck somewhere between First class and no class. Airplane was one of my all time favorite movies, all I had to do was remember the lines "Industry Style".
In good health and Good fun!
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