Yes, today is my birthday and I have a new pair of PF Flyers and you don't!
Born in 1953, I'd like to say I'm 30, but, frankly 30 isn't even in the rear view mirror anymore.
I told my family not to get me anything. Honestly, I don't need anything and I don't want anything.
But for some reason, a couple of weeks ago, suddenly, for some reason, I wanted a pair of PF Flyers and decided to get a pair for MYSELF for my birthday.
The PF Flyer history is important. As a kid I had to wear corrective shoes. All the time. They were leather, with shoe strings and leather soles and heels. Every time we bought shoes. I never wore anything different.
This was a big deal when we played guns. Yes, we played guns. Almost every day. I "killed" and was "killed" by my friends thousands of times. And we played in different contexts - cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, Civil War, and WWII. And you had to have the proper weapon for what we were doing, or you couldn't play. Don't bring a machine gun to the Battle of Bull Run! No playo.
The problem was, with leather soles, I could not sneak around!
I was too noisy!
Growing up in Washington DC I learned to play everything in the streets and alleys - baseball, football, etc.
When you're playing guns you MUST be able to sneak around. Leather soles aren't exactly silent on concrete alleys! Or sidewalks and streets. And all the other kids could. I could not. And paid for it. With my life, over and over and over.
I WOULD HAVE TRADED AN ARM FOR A PAIR OF PF FLYERS!
Hey, I saw the (black and white) TV commercials. PF Flyers had the "magic wedge," so you could run faster and jump higher! My best friend in 1st grade had a pair, and he was the fastest kid in the class. So the commercials had to be true!
PF Flyers are the best sneakers ever made!
AND I WAS LEFT OUT!
Anxiously I ordered a pair on line. Time dragged on and on and on...
Finally a box arrived! Wow! Getting home a box was on the porch! It was an official PF Flyers shipping box!
And inside was an official PF Flyers shoe box!
Inside the box was a new pair of PF Flyers! They smelled new! Much better than any of those other stupid sneakers. THESE WERE PF FLYERS! They even have the official PF Flyers green label on the heel!
Not believing my eyes, I have a new pair of PF Flyers, and you don't! 
And this virgin pair had never been touched by human feet. They had been carefully laced the official PF Flyer way! The way I used to do it! With the under/over lace wrap! And not a wrinkle in the laces anywhere!
I put them on, making sure to preserve the perfect laces and all! And I tied the perfect square knot bow.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I WAS WEARING A PAIR OF PF FLYERS! IT WAS BETTER THAN SWIMMING IN A RIVER OF HOT FUDGE SAUCE, WHICH, BY THE WAY, I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO TOO...
And reading the label inside it advertised the "RIGID WEDGE!" What? Rigid wedge? What's that? Oh well, for me it is the magic wedge! It also advertises the "Posture Foundation Insert." WHAT??? Is that for us boomers? Must be, and who cares a big fat one about posture foundation? Not me, for sure.
I HAVE A MAGIC WEDGE TO TRY OUT!
God bless America! It works! The magic wedge works!
Hey, Gene Kelly has nothing on me! Nothing I tell you!
Proof positive - I can jump higher!
I HAVE A NEW PAIR OF PF FLYERS, AND YOU DON'T!
But can I run faster?
We'll find out tonight. We're going dancing.
I'm gonna cut a couple of rugs!
I'll show them what a pair of PF Flyers can do!
Fred Astaire will have nothing on me!
Yep, dancing all night long*. They'll see!
And when people jealously look at my shoes, do you know what I'm gonna say?
I HAVE A NEW PAIR OF PF FLYERS, AND YOU DON'T! HAAAA!
Suckers!
This is a going to be great! I have to get dressed.
See you later...
Oh, the tails and top hat are really cool. But do you think the cane is too much?
* Yeah, right.
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