In last week’s blog, we learned the difference between optimists and pessimists, and discussed how choosing to be optimistic can improve your odds for success. You might ask yourself “how does one choose to be optimistic?” The short answer is: yes, you and only you choose how you react to any given situation. They key to putting pessimism in the past is by being self-aware, which leads to confidence and happiness.
Self-awareness is the ability to know one’s self and be confident with who you are; to go inward and reflect on your relationships and be able to recognize how your actions cause a particular outcome.
A pessimist believes life is happening to her, and she has little control over the outcome. An optimist understands she is the creator of her reality. For example, Mary is having an open house. A young couple comes to view the house, but they are only vaguely interested in the listing. Mary, wanting to sell the house, unconsciously comes on a little too strong and overwhelms the couple. Since Mary is working on her self awareness, after the incident she sits down and reflects. She looks at the situation from an objective view point and realizes that maybe she got a little too excited. Now she knows next time to keep her cool and get that sale! Optimists realize their role in every situation—or at least attempt to understand what they’re “putting out there” to other people.
Take this quick self-awareness quiz to see how you rate (the quiz is from Ladies’ Home Journal—but it is appropriate for both genders).
Gaining self-awareness isn’t easy. Famous psychologist Carl Jung once said, “there is no coming to consciousness without pain.” Facing your ego isn’t exactly within most people’s comfort zones; then again nothing truly great ever happened inside that comfort zone, did it? No more hiding from yourself! Realize your faults—and also realize your strengths—this is the catalyst for growth and change. And change is essential if you genuinely want to make an adjustment in your attitude and grow in a positive direction.
Your mama has probably told you: you can’t change for someone else. And she’s right. The realization must come from your own desire within.
Here are some tips to help you find the sunny-side of life and increase success:
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Be grateful for everything you have. “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not”~ Epicurius. Have an attitude of gratitude. If you are thankful for your blessings, you will never be disappointed with what you have; even that annoying aunt that calls you every other day to talk about her cats.
- Find good in everything that happens. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves”~ Carl Jung. Glean lessons from every life situation—especially the annoying ones. Finding good in everything means everything—including yourself. Discover yourself, accept yourself, and be the perfect imperfection that you are. Even life’s most frustrating situations have a lesson.
- Don’t live in the past. “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”~ George Bernard Shaw. Reliving the past over and over is useless if you’re not learning and growing from it. You must relive past experiences to analyze and examine why certain things happened, but learn and let go. Never allow your past to hold you captive from the present—or worse—make you feel hopeless about the future.
- Be patient with others and yourself. “Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience.”~ Ralph Waldo Emerson. If you cannot learn to be patient with yourself, you will never learn to be patient with others. You will find constant frustration and disappointment, which leads to stress and depression. Patience also includes learning not to take everything personally. If someone is rude to you, take a realistic look at the situation—if you were genuinely kind, maybe it’s not about you—accept it and let it go.
- Positive affirmations. “In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision”~ Dalai Lama. Write mantras or positive affirmations (e.g. “I am happy” “I am successful”) on little slips of paper and tape it to your mirror, dashboard, or computer monitor. It’s easy to get lost in the whirlwind of a day and forget your goals. Leave yourself daily reminders of your positive goals.
- Say “NO” to negativity. “Don’t bring negative to my door”~ Maya Angelou. Take a look at your surroundings. If you are constantly surrounded by negative people, it might be time to clean the closet, so to speak. You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with; don’t spend time with Debby-downer, Negative Nancy, or Why-try Wanda. Letting go or distancing yourself from negative people doesn’t mean you don’t love them—it means you care about your happiness more.
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SMILE. “We shall never know the good that a simple smile can bring.”~ Mother Teresa. When you smile (happy or not) it releases ‘happy’ chemicals in your brain. Your body literally tells your mind “I will be happy no matter what.” If you’re doing something you love, amplify your happiness by smiling. If you’re doing something you hate—smile—you can ‘trick’ yourself into enjoying it more if you’re not frowning. Also, you’ve heard the phrase: you attract more bees with honey than vinegar; if you’re not smiling for yourself—smile for someone else. It is a natural human impulse to return a smile, and the simple act of sharing your joy will increase your happiness even more.
- Realize your role. “Ain’t nobody messin’ with you—but you”~ The Grateful Dead. Before you jump on someone for treating you badly or creating a negative situation, take a moment to realize your own role in the experience. Sometimes we over-think things and create a problem that never existed. Or maybe you’re making things harder for yourself than necessary (e.g. being unconsciously rude to people who are trying to help you).
- Be Realistic. “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson. Life is short. Ask anyone who has had a brush with death; there is an amazing moment of clarity, which seems like a lifetime. In that moment of clarity you do not see all the negative things in your life, you see all the moments of love and happiness flash into your consciousness. In that moment, you will realize holding onto negativity is incredibly wasteful of your precious time here on Earth. Of course, experiencing negativity is natural and unavoidable, but don’t waste your time lingering in a bad place.
- Do what makes you happy and share it. “Thousands of candles can be lighted form a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared”~ Buddha. Joy is meant to be shared. Find an activity that makes you truly happy. Once you’ve built up enough joy in your own person, share it. Be a presence people want be around, not a presence people want to run from—that means learn to be happy for you, so you can share the light with others.
You may be saying to yourself “well, this all sounds very new-agey, and has nothing to do with how I run my business,” but nothing could be farther from the truth. Look at the majority of successful people—they tend to the jovial sort; they are happy with themselves. Be happy for you and be happy so you can extend kindness to others. When you are kind, you will attract positive people and situations into your life—and yes—that includes business.
From my own personal experience, I have found that finding and flowing within the natural current presented to me, I am offered better opportunities than I could have possibly dreamed up alone.
How has positive thinking enhanced your life?
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