Real Estate Sales Representative with ReMax Legacy

In keeping with my promise to add some giggles to this thing, here's a forward I got my friend in San Antonio:

***There are a few cuss words and innuendos in here - you've been warned***

What's the best form of birth control after 50?

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s***."

Comments (4)

Nicole Kraus
Signature Realty Associates - Dover, FL


Mar 11, 2008 11:17 AM
Maria Couto
RE/MAX Premier - Berkeley Heights, NJ
Realtor with "Results That "MOVE" You'
Way to go Myaan. These are all good jokes. Most of them are true. I'd love to see how the men react to this post.
Mar 11, 2008 11:27 AM
Kristina Clayton~
Skyline Properties - Orting, WA
"Where Commitment and Possibilities Meet"

That was funny and a must forward...thank you for the laugh

enjoy your day!

Mar 11, 2008 11:29 AM
Todd and Danielle Millar
Glenn Simon Inc. - Edmonton, AB
Nineteen years of excellence!
Ha! Cute heard some of them before but they are good ones.
Mar 11, 2008 11:52 AM