I thought the word "MALE" rape counselor appropriate because it was unheard of when I did this back in the eighties. I was in Real Estate and thriving at the time. Money was coming in from three solid businesses and I could not spend it fast enough. Had the cars, the home, income property and the goodies and I seriously thought...How can I give back as a way of saying thank you so much for this success
HM-MM...WHAT'S THIS?
Well I heard they needed rape counselors badly for one of the cities I worked in and I inquired. The rape counseling services were in the start-up stage in this small city in California and a seasoned group of women were devoting quite a bit of quality time and effort into getting it up and running. I inquired at the local police station and then applied. I was contacted for an interview.
WHY ME.... WHY THIS?
WHY? This was a constant focus brought up of me wanting to do this. Everyone kept asking WHY? Well, I thought it was a good way to right a wrong. My reasoning was one man did a wrong and another man can do a right. That is as far as my thinking got me plus a pure heart and good motives. The lady interviewing me had life savvy, liked me and went along because it made sense to her
TRAINING WAS DOWN TO EARTH...in the trenches
The training was intense at times. First, the intense circumstances that you have to be prepared to hear are real life and not made up. They a gut wrench feel to them. Second, curse words, descriptive words, words not uttered in public, words of shame, defiance, embarrassment and humility as well as cries of agony is what they exposed me too so as to prepare me for the worst which everyone claimed is hard to get accustomed too
MALE AND CHILD RAPE...whoa
At some point and after hearing some of these incredible scenarios that when told to me caused me some tearing and pause as well as discomfort that I had trouble processing during training, I requested rather strongly at not being involved with a child incidents or male rape either. What I had heard just was too much for me rise to at that time...
I'M READY...SCHEDULE ME IN
I was giving the other necessary tools of which I will remain deliberately vague and asked what my preference was. Did I want to go out with someone first time or go out alone? I thought about this and asked if I chose alone would I still be able to call someone in the middle of the event if I changed my mind. The women on my team agreed to this. Yes, we will standby if you need help
24/7 COMMITMENT
I signed up for 24/7 on call no exceptions and they gave me a placard that goes on the dash of your car. One night, the phone went off...it was about 2 in the morning. Is this Richie? Yes? We need your assistance. Where? I was told to come to a hospital. Told my wife...this is it and off I went. There was no traffic but my concern to get there overwhelmed me.
PUT LEAD ON THE PEDAL
I kept thinking someone needs help and to step on it. I put that placard on my dash and ran lights etc to make good time and then I arrived. The race to get there was an over-reaction, but I meant well. I went into a waiting room and then to an examination room. It is heartbreaking and nothing can prepare you for it. Part of my training was not to show your feelings because how could you help someone if you yourself are overwhelmed? It makes no sense. Stay objective is harder to do than to hear for this subject
COUNSELOR DOWN
However, what you experience after a while gets buried in you from holding in true feelings and little did I know after doing several of these runs that I would need counseling of my own. When you start to let it get to you, or are tempted to judge or you lose patience or you just get angry are some of the signs of emotional/mental fatigue. You see your other fellow counselors know about this and they come to you to give you a chance to get it out of you. After you say...NAH, I am alright several times, you break and then.... you cry, you talk, you curse, accuse and scream, vent and then repeat until its out. UNTIL IT IS OUT and it hurts. Huge cry sessions among the counselors...
EVERYONE GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY
It is nothing compared to what the victims go through and even their families. Husbands, mothers, brothers and other members express the grief all differently and part of my job was to counsel them too. The men who could not express themselves turned to anger/revenge, helplessness and blame while the women sobbed and mourned for their little girl, mom or sister..
GIVE THEM BACK CONTROL
I would be at the victims beck and call for anything no matter what it would be following instructions, fulfilling requests or just standing there in full support until summoned. They would request or say something and I carried it out. We were taught to help to restore the control that was taking from them. You do this by asking questions and becoming a servant
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