Trying not to get so tied up in "nots"!

Real Estate Agent SL3270841

I have discovered that it is relatively easy to respond to a "you can't" or "no way" or "that's not possible" or to "not now" with a "Why not?" when it comes from other people.  It only is an affront to my personal liberties.   The answer to this question gives me the information that I need to either proceed or to back off.  I think that we all interact with people pretty much this same way.  After all, since childhood have we not been used to asking "why?" or "Why not?"  Or, better yet growing up in Maine, it would be "how come?".  As in, "you will not be able to sail your raft over to Porcupine Island"!  "How come?! ( Translated it means the same as "Why not?" )

Now, having said all of that, the problem that I wrestle with is not someone elses "nots" but my own "nots".  How many times have I thought to myself, "you can't" or "no way, Ken" or "that's not possible"or "that's the dumbest thing you have ever thought of", or "not now".  Why is it that I can not ask MYSELF,  "Why not?"  Or, in a language that I can understand, "how come?"  Lately, I have been trying to 1) recognize the "nots" in my life.  And 2) asking myself, "Why not?"  The answers that I give myself are very enlightening to myself.. and sometimes hilarious!

For example, whatever task that I really do not want to do, I have a "valid" excuse.  Ken, why don't (not) call so-and-so?  "They are probably having lunch".  But, it is two o'clock?  "They are probably having a late lunch"!  See how easy it is.

If this is the first time that you have read our blog, my wife Pam and I recently relocated to our beloved Hutchinson Island, Florida.  We have been entrepreneurs all of our lives.  We started in advertising and marketing.  When the sky rocketing interest rates of the Carter era forced us to become creative, we started our new business, "We will work for shares!"   After we sold our latest business, we decided to "retire" to our most favorite place in the world, Hutchinson Island.  Hutchinson Island is a personality unto itself.  Connected to the mainland by three causways, it still vigoursly maintains its independance.  On the Island there are no strangers, only friends that we have not met.  We have settled here.  If you would like a tour, give us a call!


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Florida Tolbert Team Keller Williams Advantage
Keller Williams Advantage III Realty in Lake Nona - Orlando, FL
Keller Williams Land Division Specialist

I think it was under a month ago that KENNETH said BLOGGING? Not for me, but now look at him.  He is on fire and succeeding at the highest level.  And his phone just may be ringing a bit more. 

Oct 05, 2013 12:44 PM #4
Suzanne Taylor
Ultima Real Estate - Corpus Christi - Corpus Christi, TX
Home Sales In Corpus Christi, TX

It's always amazing to my how many little things I find to do when there is a chore waiting for me that I don't want to do.  My house is cleanest during those times!  LOL

Oct 05, 2013 01:05 PM #5
Lenn Harley
Lenn Harley,, MD & VA Homes and Real Estate - Leesburg, VA
Real Estate Broker - Virginia & Maryland

I always respond to claims by writers about what one can or can't do, with :


If they cannot show a license law, real estate law, code of ethics rule, etc. for their claim, it is totally IGNORED.


Oct 05, 2013 09:19 PM #6
Kenneth Theobald
Hutchinson Island, FL
Your Keller Williams Realtor on Hutchinson Island

Thank you all for your comments.  Your feedback is an encouragement to me.  In response to Lenn:  I agree that proof of authority is important.  Sometimes I will also accept, "I did it!" as proof of credibility, especially in those areas of personal discovery. 

Oct 05, 2013 10:02 PM #7
Bill and MaryAnn Wagner
Wagner Real Estate Group - Ocean City, NJ
Jersey Shore and South Jersey Real Estate
Ken, I think most of have a tendency to put things off at some level. Generally, nothing is gained by doing so.
Oct 05, 2013 10:10 PM #8
Kenneth Theobald
Hutchinson Island, FL
Your Keller Williams Realtor on Hutchinson Island

Hi Bill,  My biggest challenge is to remind myself to ask myself "why not? when comes to facing my fears.....'to go boldly where I have never gone before!"   My fears are rejection, looking really stupid, and embarassing myself and others.

Oct 05, 2013 10:26 PM #9
Nina Hollander
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Charlotte, NC
Your Charlotte/Ballantyne/Waxhaw/Fort Mill Realtor

I agree... I always try to take a positive "can do" approach before saying "not or no." Amazing how many times we figure something out that we thought not possible to do when we do so.

Oct 05, 2013 10:32 PM #10
Michael Setunsky
Woodbridge, VA
Your Commercial Real Estate Link to Northern VA

Kenneth, interesting how your "how comes" can be justified by your fears. I think we may all face the same fears at one time or another. Good post for thought.

Oct 05, 2013 10:56 PM #11
Richie Alan Naggar
people first...then business Ran Right Realty - Riverside, CA
agent & author

Good post...many years ago, I stumbled on the meaning behind the words I CAN'T and variations of it to really mean I don't want to...It changed the way I view people and opportunities. You can but you wont is more accurate. Then, if agreeable, we can explore..... why not?

Oct 06, 2013 12:35 AM #12
Harry F. D'Elia
RentVest - Phoenix, AZ
Investor , Mentor, GRI, Radio, CIPS, REOs, ABR

It sounds like a perfect place to retire and think about your next business venture.

Oct 06, 2013 12:52 AM #13
Suzanne Otto
Six Twenty Designs - Lansdale, PA
Your Montgomery County PA home stager

Our own worst enemy is ourselves. Whether we fill our heads with self doubt or put off things that need to be done, we have no one to blame but ourselves. This is a great way to counteract that part of us. Thanks for sharing Ken!

Oct 06, 2013 12:54 AM #14
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

Kenneth:  I think you've been talking to my wife.  She says when I really don't want to do something I have more "nots" and excuses than Carter has pills.  Seems I'm not alone ...


Oct 06, 2013 01:05 AM #15
Richard Iarossi
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Crofton, MD
Crofton MD Real Estate, Annapolis MD Real Estate

We are our own worst enemies when we think about what we can, or can't do.

Oct 06, 2013 01:14 AM #16
Kenneth Theobald
Hutchinson Island, FL
Your Keller Williams Realtor on Hutchinson Island

  I am feelin' the love!  A wise man once told me that the one thing that you can take from another person that you cannot return is their time.  Thank you all for taking your time to comment.

Oct 06, 2013 02:00 AM #17
Karen Feltman
Cedar Rapids/Iowa City, IA KW Legacy Group - Cedar Rapids, IA
Relocation Specialist in Cedar Rapids, Iowa

It is a challenge to make ourselves step out of our comfort zones.  You proved it in your example of how easy it is to push off doing something that you should do and you procrastinate about it.  Sometimes, we procrastinate to the point that we lose our opportunity. 

Oct 06, 2013 05:53 AM #18
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Oh, the age old adages spring to me:  Make hay while the sun shines.  Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today.  And Karen said it right!!  #18!

Oct 06, 2013 06:00 AM #19
Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Realtor Top 1%
RE/MAX Gold - Sacramento, CA
Put 40 years of experience to work for you

I have no fear or problems of self doubt and let me tell you, the opposite problem can be a problem in itself. Like, don't try doing a push-up if you haven't done one in 20 years.

Oct 06, 2013 08:20 AM #20
Kenneth Theobald
Hutchinson Island, FL
Your Keller Williams Realtor on Hutchinson Island

Hi Elizabeth,

And my standard question to you and to myself is, "How come"?


All the best,



Oct 06, 2013 09:09 AM #21
Terri Woods
Benton, Linn and Douglas Counties - Days Creek, OR
Selling Homes and Land in Oregon

One of the things that I love about my company is that they have expanded my brain to ask, "Is this a limiting belief?" I can attest that even a state law can be changed. When things were changing quickly with self-branding and phone numbers, addresses, etc., we approached the real estate division and got a ruling that actually changed to benefit us.  So even laws can be changed. Thanks for the blog.

Oct 06, 2013 11:29 AM #22
Kenneth Theobald
Hutchinson Island, FL
Your Keller Williams Realtor on Hutchinson Island

Thank you, Terri.  My "How Come?" is just a Mainerism for "Is this a limiting belief!".  Well said.



Oct 06, 2013 09:16 PM #23
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