17 Ways To Make Sure Your Home WON'T SELL.

Reblogger Teresa Lansford, MBA, GRI, MRP,SFR,ASN
Real Estate Agent with Bristlecone Realty Group

 

This is hilarious, but also extremely helpful and spot on. My fastest sale was a same day as listed, when the sellers took my advice and decluttered - the house was the focus - not all their STUFF !!!! On the other hand, I've seen an overpriced beauty that just sits and sits.........thanks for the great topic for a reblog :)

Original content by Amanda Christiansen

17.  List it for 200% of it's true value. 

16.  List it as a four bedroom instead of a three.  When the buyers get there...  SURPRISE!  Only three!

15.  Paint the entire inside bright yellow with a Sponge Bob theme throughout.  

14.  Get three giant angry dogs and leave them loose during showings. 

13.  Require one full week's notice for showings.  

12.  Draw three outlines of bodies with police tape across them on the living room carpet.  

11.  Stay home for the showings and sing show tunes to the buyers and their agent the entire time they are there.  Remember to sing loudly and out of tune.

10.  Boil a few dozen eggs right before the showing so the entire house smells like farts.

9.  Have a bunch of friends over before the showing.  Have each of them hide in a closet and scream each time a buyer opens the closet door.  

8.  Put the wrong keys in the lock box.

7.  Stay home for the showing and follow the buyers around and tell them all the reasons you hate living there. 

6.  Do #7 again, but make sure you just ate something really garlicky and talk very close to them.  

5.  Leave a note on the table that says to be careful in bedroom four, but don't leave a reason why.  

4.  If it's during the summer, lay out during the showing wearing only a purple speedo and a swim cap.  Oh, make sure that you have your Def Leppard CD cranked up too.  

3.  Put up an old spooky picture on the fridge.  On a post-it note below it write:  RIP Aunt Mildred.  You will be missed when we finally move.  We hope you enjoy haunting the new owners for the next 150 years.  

2.  Leave a note for the buyers asking them to "please excuse the mess" in the attic.  Go on to explain just how hard it is to remove all of the black mold, but you're almost there.  

1.  Stay for the showing, put on your helmet made out of tin foil, and sit on the couch and stare at the TV the entire time without moving or blinking.  (The blinking part is very important!)

 

Okay, that's all I can think of today.  Hope you laughed.  Time to get back to work!

 

   

Amanda and Jared Christiansen are award winning Realtors with Century 21 Bradley Realty in the Fort Wayne area.

Enough about us...

Tell us what you want your real estate experience to be, and we will do it YOUR way.

Buying?  Tell us your wants and needs.  Let us know how you envision your family living.  Tell us what's important to you, and we'll find the community and home that fits what you are looking for.

Selling?  Our job is to make you the most money possible in the shortest amount of time.  We offer our sellers professional staging, professional photography, and more internet marketing than most.  We will also put your home on our weekly television show Sunday mornings on ABC.

We are committed to giving you everything we have to offer.  We are both full time agents and will work around your schedule.  Do nights and weekends work better for you?  NO PROBLEM.  We are here to help you.

Amanda can be reached at 260-704-0843, and Jared can be reached at 260-704-0842.

 

Buyer Articles:

My Home Inspector Better Get His Butt On The Roof

The Home Buying Process

Should I Hire A Sitter For Showings?

I'm looking for the deal of the century!

Is my Realtor going to be at the home inspection?

 

Seller Articles

17 ways to make sure your home won't sell

The price is right.  Finally!

Do your neighbors hurt or help the sale of your home?

FAQ by home sellers in Fort Wayne

They offered WHAT?

 

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Rainer
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Merline D Pennant - New homes, Short Sales and Pre-foreclosures
Regal Realty of the Treasure Coast LLC - Port St Lucie, FL
New City, New Towns, New homes

Teresa this is funnym but there are some people like this as we in the business all know.

Oct 21, 2013 08:27 AM #1
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Amanda Christiansen
Christiansen Group Realty (260)704-0843 - Fort Wayne, IN
Christiansen Group Realty

Ha ha!!  Thanks for the reblog Teresa.  I'm glad that others find my sense of humor (or lack of it) amusing.  Have a great week!

Oct 22, 2013 04:42 AM #2
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Rainer
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Teresa Lansford, MBA, GRI, MRP,SFR,ASN

Your Pikes Peak Real Estate Partner
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