It's not what you think. The man I was 8 years ago today not only had a heart transplant but also every cell in my body was totally replaced. I was made unmistakenly and completely new in all ways. How did this happen?
The old Robert was arrogant, a know-it-all, extremely superficial, uncaring, unloving and just an all around jerk. Oh, people liked me enough for the most part. I never kicked a dog. In fact those who knew me mostly thought I was a good person. My mask that I wore in public was a very good mask. Just like the hair piece on my head, most people excepting close friends never knew what was the bald headed truth. Most people wear masks. We don't want people knowing exactly what is in our hearts and minds most of the time.
My main motivation when working was making money. My main motivation in my marriage was not to upset the wife. My main motivation for my kids was keeping them from bugging me too much. My motivation towards life was keeping away from people as much as possible. People are what set me off more than anything. People were idiots, they were in my way, they were miserable and complaining and whining. Do you see what was missing? Love.
Then let's look at my habits. I drank a half keg of beer every 5-6 weeks, smoked cigarettes since I was 15, occasionally would still smoke a little pot, would say 8 curse words to say 10 in English, would look at porn occasionally... ok alot. I was a mess of a human being but most importantly nobody knew these things. That was before my heart transplant.
My daughter told me something a while back that made me cringe. I had just drunk a beer and she wanted a kiss before leaving the house. At this point I average maybe 1 beer a week. I turned aside and said that my breath smelled like beer. She laughed and said, "I love that smell! Every night you'd come to tuck me in at night you smelled like that. That is just how my loving daddy smelled the whole time I was growing up." I felt wonderful and ashamed at the same time. That's who I was.
So I met Jesus and as Bonnie will tell people, she saw an instant change in my eyes. She said something was there that was never there before... love. In the moment I said yes and nervously surrendered my life to the unknown, every cell in my heart, body and mind was instantly changed for good. Life suddenly wasn't about what I got out of it any longer but what I could put into it. It is no longer I that live but Christ within me. I am in Christ and He is in me. The old man in me is dead, deader than dead with no hope of ever being revived, living in Deadsville. There is now only what lies ahead and never looking behind longer than it takes to remind myself of what was so I can fine tune my course ahead. I never look at the devil any longer than it takes to put him in my crosshairs and pull the trigger. It happened in an instant on November 6th, 2005, the day of my radical heart transplant.
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