Marti's post reminded me of a project I did for Nucazza, in what feels like a differrent lifetime. I created a humorous "newscast segment" that looks at how Home Shoppers are different than Home Buyers. This episode stars Ivanna Lookalot, she has seen over 1000 homes and is a Realtors worst nightmare. I hope you enjoy it...
Translating Real Estate Speak
Cozy – You can stand in the middle of the bedroom and touch the walls on either side.
Quaint – Only your crazy aunt would like it.
Grand - Someone had more money than taste.
Spacious – A little home trying to feel important.
Updated – New towel rods installed in the bathroom.
Designer colors – Colors may actually coordinate, but no one will like them.
Pastoral setting – Where the *&%* are we?
Some TLC Needed – Get ready to remodel every room.
Charming – Only slightly less offensive than quaint.
DIY Special – Bring a wrecking ball.
Interesting – Run!
Affordable – No one wants to buy this place.
Diamond in the rough – See DIY special.
Urban – The train runs through your living room.
Original – Has appliances that will sterilize you if you use them.
Starter home – You’ll love it for about a week.
Secluded – Just you and the survivalists…..
Cute – Involves something pink and lots of wallpaper.
Historic - Things will break and go wrong immediately.
Faux – Everything you didn’t like about the 1990s.
Vintage – Tiled bathroom floor that must be scrubbed with a toothbrush
Tasteful – It was on sale at Home Depot
Character - Walking through the master bedroom to reach the others really isn’t so bad.
Park like – Bring a machete.
Palatial – Someone is lying.
Old world charm – Check for indoor plumbing
And finally, my favorite……
Architectural detail – Something you really hate but will feel guilty if you remove.
This was so much fun! What can you add to the list???
BTW, the photo is an actual listing of a “cute and cozy” 520 square ft. bungalow in San Diego’s North Park area, listed at $399,000 - $449,000.
Ha! If you’d like some straight talk, (minus fluffy adjectives) about buying or selling a home in San Diego County, give me a call.