I just got off the phone with my daughter. She and her grandmother don’t get along in the kitchen. (no one gets along with my mom in the kitchen lol) Obviously, both want to take part in the Thanksgiving Dinner preparations and both don’t agree on how they can accomplish this feat....TOGETHER.
Rewind many years back.
We learn from our parents.I learned a long time ago that I cannot fight my mother on anything, She is ‘old school’ and she is NOT going to learn any new way of doing anything. She is oblivious to change because change doesn’t happen unless she is the one wanting to change something. (and boy does she want to change everyone around her lol)
I made a 180 degree life turn around(I found that a 360 degree turn around kept me doing the same things over and over lol) over 16 years ago. I STOPPED worrying about what my mother thought of me. I changed for ME…not her. The codependent (dis- ease with self) era in my family was a strong one and I decided I needed to dig deep and find out who I was and could be.
I began to teach my children. There are MANY things that I had to change first before I could teach my own children how they could be self -confident. (Keep in mind that they were already entering the young adult stage) My son went in the US Navy and my daughter was still trying to get her degree. On the flip side, personal relationships were not a strong point for ALL of us and I went through a series of relationships, my daughter went through many and my son stayed away from ALL.
Fast forward to today.We ALL struggle in our family to keep that self talk going. We KNOW what we need to do to keep working on all those prior years of ‘conditioning self to be dependent on what others thought’. WE continue to battle our dragons and remember that our self worth is NOT depicted on what others think of us.
Today is Thanksgiving. I am grateful that I know what I need to do so that I can accept my mother as is. I accept my children for who they are and remind them to be thankful for what they do have instead of dwelling on what they don’t have. I reminded my daughter to be grateful she is able to spend another Thanksgiving with her grandmother; instead of battling over who gets to roast the turkey. "Okay, mom". And that was that.
You see, it’s not all about control, or who has this or who gets to do that.
It’s about utilizing our time on this great earth with so little time that we have.
And being thankful and spending it with the people we love.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU…..FROM ALL OF US.
P.S. Please say a prayer for my husband Gary...he is on day 2 of heavy antibiotic after going to the doctor two days in a row. I'm glad we went back yesterday because he has the start of pneumonia!! I will go to mom's house for a little bit and bring him home a plate for Thanksgiving dinner :)