When a close friend uses another real estate agent. . . .

Real Estate Agent with CALL REALTY

Just heard from a friend and fellow real estate agent today. She got a phone call from a couple that she considers close friends. They told her they had done a real estate transaction in the past using a close friend as their agent and it turned out to be a bad experience, so they decided they would never use an agent who is already a friend.

They just listed their home today with another agent. So she loses out on listing their home and helping them find a new home. Some friendship.

Naturally, she feels as if she has been socked in the stomach. I think we all know the feeling.

But I wonder how many times we have been the agent chosen because we were not the close friend and the buyers or sellers wanted a purely professional relationship.

I remember a few years ago when the Phoenix-area inventory was so low that there was practically a feeding frenzy whenever a home priced under $150,000 listed. We got a new client who dumped his grandmother (yes, his grandmother!) to use us because he kept losing out on bids and she was too slow in finding new listings and submitting offers. We found him a wonderful short sale and did what it took to win the bid. Sorry Grandma!

So it goes both ways, I guess. But, still, we real estate agents have a hard time not taking it personally when a friend or relative uses another agent.


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This post was authored by John & Shannon Cox, THE COX TEAM, Phoenix area Real Estate Consultants and Agents serving the East Valley cities of Mesa, Gilbert, Chandler, Tempe, Queen Creek and surrounding areas.


John H. Cox 480-235-7911 \ Shannon Cox 480-225-4882  CALL REALTY



Comments (11)

Bill Reddington
Re/max By The Sea - Destin, FL
Destin Florida Real Estate

Just got a call today to show a house. Was told they don't want to use friends. Want someone new. Have an appointment on Monday. Will see what it brings. Sounds like they are looking for a deal and their friend wouldn't do it. Time will tell. 


Nov 30, 2013 10:47 AM
Charles Stallions Real Estate Services
Charles Stallions Real Estate Services Inc - Gulf Breeze, FL
Buyers Agent 800-309-3414 Pace and Gulf Breeze,Fl.

I find most friends just don't want you to know their business, I have had a many that were losing their homes and never called. 

Nov 30, 2013 10:52 AM
Andrew Payne Realtor® Richmond VA Homes For Sale~804-938-5257~
Piedmont Real Estate - Richmond, VA
Richmond, VA, Real Estate, SRES®, NAR Green

John & Shannon,


Maybe it's best that all real estate transactions be purely business rather than friendship based.  Sometimes it can be a little tough to put oneself in the shoes of the seller or buyer choosing an agent.  As we develop our sphere of influence and professional skills, then I think more of us become known for our real estate skills more than simply being a friend or relative of someone.

Nov 30, 2013 10:52 AM
Joan Cox
House to Home, Inc. - Denver Real Estate - 720-231-6373 - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - Selling One Home at a Time

John & Shannon, it is an emotional business at times, and working with good friends and family can be tough.

Dec 01, 2013 11:10 PM
John & Shannon Cox

Thank  you for your excellent comments! I really do need to learn to not take it personally. I wouldn't want a close friend knowing all of my financial business, either, I guess.

Dec 01, 2013 11:31 PM
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

When I sold my home two years ago, I had to make a very hard decision.  Being a stager I have a relationship with many different agents.  On top of that, one of my closest friends from high school is an agent.  I didn't choose the close friend because her office was not located in my city.  I called my friend and explained my choice, before listing.  It was a very hard call to make.  She was very understanding, and we hired her as our buyer agent.


Dec 02, 2013 08:39 AM
Connie Harvey
Pilkerton Realtors - Brentwood, TN
Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate

John and Shannon, I gave up worrying about my friends years ago. Nashville is small enough that they all know at least 3 agents. I get what I get.

Dec 12, 2013 03:52 AM
Marco Giancola
Beachfront Realty - Miami Beach, FL
Realtor (305)608-1922, Miami Beach Florida

When they chose someone else it does hurt and can cause resentment but honestly I would rather not work with family/friends because when something goes wrong and it always does you get blamed.

Jan 09, 2014 06:48 PM
Doug Rogers
Bayou Properties - Alexandria, LA
Your Alexandria Louisiana Agent

I tell newbies that they are not a REAL agent until a friend/family member throws them under the bus. Most laugh and say that would never happen to them. Poor things, if they only knew what was coming...

Jan 09, 2014 10:24 PM
Silvia Dukes PA, Broker Associate, CRS, CIPS, SRES
Tropic Shores Realty - Ich spreche Deutsch! - Spring Hill, FL
Florida Waterfront and Country Club Living

Hi John and Shannon, I think this happens to all of us and it's not always easy to separate personal feelings from the professional relationship.  

May 03, 2014 09:55 AM
Bob Crane
Woodland Management Service / Woodland Real Estate, EXP - Stevens Point, WI
Forestland Experts! 715-204-9671

I know that kicked in the gut feeling of being passed over by someone who should have offered the contract.

But after nearly 30 years in business, I would rather not work with friends or relatives, better to send them onto a trusted colleague.

Aug 20, 2016 02:33 PM