Worst Gifts to Buy a Woman

Real Estate Agent with Stewart Estates

  • No name perfume which charges you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to purchase her perfume, spring for the brand names.
  • Do not give her gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct answer to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and bought a gift like this, be ready for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better substitute would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her interested into getting fit.
  • Please do not purchase her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, maybe you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, trust me, she'll smile and say it’s lovely while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "where the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An extra hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). It’s a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, that’s like wearing white after Labor Day.
  • Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back, Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the impression that you do not consider her the attractive woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend). HA! HA!
  • Lastly, do not ever buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.



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Comments (3)

Rob D. Shepherd
RETIRED - Florence, OR

One more for your list: Nothing that plugs in ( blender, vacuum cleaner}ect.

Dec 18, 2013 10:06 PM
Roger D. Mucci
Shaken...with a Twist 216.633.2092 - Euclid, OH
Lets shake things up at your home today!

This is way too funny.  Love your sense of humor Jason.  Well done!

Dec 19, 2013 09:14 PM
John G. Johnston
John G. Johnston & Associates, LLC - Westcliffe, CO
An Exclusive Buyer's Agent ~ Westcliffe, CO

Jason  Gotta agree with Roger...well done!  Enjoy your day

Dec 21, 2013 10:36 PM