This is the final blog in the 3 part series about verbal judo. Stay tuned in the new year for the Webinar, you'll be taught about how to apply this to your real estate skills and it'll help you close alot more deals in 2014 and transform the way you conduct business. Most importantly, it will teach you how to negotiate and speak with difficult people.
Natural language as we know it i.e. what we've been doing since our birth and taught our whole lives is disastrous. We do it everyday. While it may work around friends, family and our immediate sphere of influence, it's generally ineffective in business transactions or real estate deals or in the business world. Ever meet someone who's an excellent orator and you walk out saying "wow....I totally disagreed with that person prior to meeting them, but they changed my mind?" They just did verbal judo on you. Why the picture of the chameleon.....you'll find out in the webinar and see if you can figure it out by reading the rest of the blog
Think of there being 2 types of languages:
Verbal Karate
(Karate is a striking art, using punching, kicking, knee strikes and elbows) more commonly known as natural language
- Unprofessional
- Expresses personal feelings
- Self referring "I-me" (narcissists do this)
- Not in contact with audience (client)
- Off target reaction
OR
Verbal Judo
(Judo literally means gentle, whose principal emphasizes the importance of efficiency in the execution of techniques), tactical language
- Professional
- Use of words to achieve professional objectives
- In contact with audience
- Skillful communication that is on target
Verbal Karate has all the elements that will ruin the deal, tarnish your business reputation or lose you a client quicker than anything else, comparatively, verbal judo flows and adjusts and remains centered no matter what is thrown your way. Picture mentally a sideways figure 8, or the infinite sign , we'll show you in the webinar it's meaning and how it symbolizes the core of verbal judo.
Remember you cannot take words back, and just like moves in combat once you've committed a move it'll either be effective or countered (used against you), so choose your words carefully, particularly in negotiations or with clients you just met, they can cut deep, wound and lose you the deal. This suggests then a need for tactical language, or verbal judo. What is tactical language you ask?
Simply put, it's words shaped to achieve the goal in front of you.
NEVER EXPRESS YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS ON THE JOB OR DURING NEGOTIATIONS
If it makes you feel good, don't say it, tactical language (verbal judo) is performing language. Mastery through adaptation is a warfare principal and ancient samurai principal. Use the triple "ME" method:
Maximum Effectiveness and Maximum Efficiency with Minimum effort, just like judo, use the movement of the other person to counter their intent. We'll discuss this and the applicability alot more during the webinar.
Get more polite with difficult people, it's called tactical civility. Start getting to like difficult people. Let them fire all their bullets and weather that verbal gunfire by learning how to deflect and re-direct, then make your move tactically (now) and strategically (future). Remember in negotiations you have to stay calm, no matter how stupid, inept or ridiculous it may sound. We've all been faced with some crazy requests in real estate right....."We're presenting an offer that we think is reasonable", you get the offer and it's $100k or $500k lower. Let your client lose their cool, that's not what you do. Remain that quiet professional, always centered, assessing, and flowing with what's given.
Learn Deflection and Re-direction phrases
- "I appreciate that, but....."
- "I got that, but....."
- "I understand that, but....."
- "I hear that, but....."
During any verbal judo you have to use two or more of these phrases or they sound too abrupt. The goal is to chip away at what they want by calming and assuaging. We'll go over more of this in depth in the webinar with examples of the sideways figure 8 or infinite sign principal......trust me the light bulb will go off and you'll have that epiphany moment. The example is this:
"I appreciate that, but....." everything after the but is Professional language that is goal centered.
Use springboard science......get out of the quick sand, which will bog you down and suck you in and get to the goal of where you want to be, negotiating and discussing what is important to you and your objective or end state. More of this also in the webinar.
What is unprofessional language? Anything that does the opposite of verbal judo or getting you to your goal/objective or end state
- Insults (doesn't matter how subtle)
- put downs
- swearing
- Improper grammar
Remember in the previous blog what I said: "You get alot more with honey than you do with vinegar" Kill them with kindness, it'll make an irrational or angry person turn the volume down on their angry meter....get out of the quick sand and headed toward your goal!
Empathy aborbs emotion and kills tension. EM (into or put into: in Latin) PATHY (through the eye: in Greek) literally means to see through the eye of another. Be empathetic and pour the honey liberally.
The deadliest four letter word in Real Estate:
Can you guess what it is? TONE......it can get you:
- fired
- sued
- demoted
- make you a total pariah in the RE community
Look at what we're taught growing up. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." WRONG!!!! They cut deeper and faster and last longer than anything you'll be faced with on a daily basis in Real Estate. They are our bread and butter are they not? But most of us use natural language and not tactical language. Think of how much more effective you could be if you could switch this on and off like a light switch. WOW 
Remember the intro to this blog and natural language, that rhyme we were taught has put us in that natural language mindset, this is what we're taught and what we assume is right because it's natural......CHANGE YOUR MINDSET RIGHT NOW.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me." Not another persons words, but rather our own, and the way we say them (tone) compounds that.
Finally, the take away from all of this is what is the goal of negotiations? It's to generate co-operation or collaboration, or better yet, and we've all heard this, it's a meeting of the minds to make a deal happen on behalf of our client/s. Our goal, or objective, is to give up as little and gain as many concessions as we can. Verbal Judo will teach you how to get that deal that seems dead or so one sided back in your court and make you a better real estate agent by listening, assessing, evaluating, pausing and then making your move based on everything you've taken in.
Remember in the first blog when I told you I got out of the Marine Corps as a Sniper (masters at hiding, blending and deceiving or one could argue chameleon like) and became a police officer, one of the first things we were taught, and any police officer will tell you this, was the goal of policing is to do what?..............achieve voluntary compliance. What is your goal and how will you get there when told NO, or when the deal starts going sideways? Verbal Judo will get you there, but you must first understand what it is and what it isn't, see its applicability and then apply it.
Remember, you must disappear personally to have power over others (become the chameleon), the more you disappear in front of others, the greater your power and influence over them will be and the better you'll be at staying centered, using the figure 8 and making it past the most difficult deals with success you never thought possible.
Part 1 of the series can be read here
Part 2 of the series can be read here
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