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House Flip Results in Rare Find

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Mortgage and Lending with The best place EVER!

So I posted this last night, but I think it was a bad time.  Let's try again... 

Last weekend I was helping a friend clean out the attic in a house he bought to flip.  While checking the joists for termites and rot, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:



A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:



Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:



There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:




Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:




This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:




This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:




If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:




He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:




If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day




Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.



As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.



Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. F*   . I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?





I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."



And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."



Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:



I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:



Man, that's sexy!

Show All Comments Sort:
Amanda Evans
DFW Living - Fort Worth, TX
Real Estate Broker - Fort Worth Texas

The MySpace profile is set to private, Tony. 

Sep 10, 2008 02:35 PM
Leah J. Armstrong
House to Home ReDesigns & Real Estate Staging Vancouver B.C. - Port Moody, BC
Home Staging Port Moody B.C.

Tony THANK YOU FOR THAT.  I have the biggest smile on my face as I sign off for the evening.  Don't ever part with that mag.  It is gold!  Thanks for sharing.

Sep 10, 2008 02:46 PM
Tony D. Howell
The best place EVER! - Wilmington, NC

Amanda, my page is private, but the blog is set to "public".  Can you still not see it?

Sep 10, 2008 03:31 PM
Amanda Evans
DFW Living - Fort Worth, TX
Real Estate Broker - Fort Worth Texas

The blog is private. 

Sep 10, 2008 03:36 PM
Kim Martinez
Advantage Homes - Santa Barbara, CA
Santa Barbara Real Estate Specialist

Oh Wow, I graduated from high school in 1976...Were we really that bad?  I pictured more of the 70's show than this set of rediculous (I hesitate to use the next word) fashion ensemble...maybe that's why I never let my mom order anything from a catalogue...I could not have been that much of a dork...no way!

Kim

Sep 10, 2008 05:46 PM
Chuck Christensen
Your Financial Coach - Bellingham, WA

Kim, if that is the case...yes, you were a dork and so were the rest of us...but we were "cool" dorks!

Sep 12, 2008 05:05 AM
Team Honeycutt
Allen Tate - Concord, NC

Great post! This is hilarious. This made my day!

Sep 12, 2008 05:14 AM
Chuck Christensen
Your Financial Coach - Bellingham, WA

And that last green outfit is not "sexy"! My mother wore that!

Sep 12, 2008 05:29 AM
Jim Fischetti
The Fischetti Group/Keller Williams - Wake Forest, NC

No wonder drugs were everywhere in the 70's.

 

Jim

Sep 12, 2008 07:16 AM
Mark Reusch
A Major Inspection Service & Consulting - Simpsonville, SC

Jim Fischetti - I agree. Maybe that's why I have forgotten most of tha decade. Well maybe. I forget a lot. LMAO

Sep 15, 2008 03:20 PM
David Slavin
Keller Williams Premier - Katy, TX
CDPE, ABR, SRES Keller Williams Premier

LMAO!!! OMG!  I used to have some of those clothes... no wonder why I was getting my ass kicked!

Sep 16, 2008 05:55 AM
Laura Gray
RE/MAX Realty Group - Gaithersburg, MD

Tony

My mom couldn't afford JCPenneys , I got to wear the "Sears" specials. Believe it or not they were even worse. 2 mix & match outfits for $9.99 OMG !!!

But the cars were the best mine was a 67 Rally Sport Camaro all yellow seemed to be the in color that era. Complete w/ suicide knob because I wasn't strong enough to turn the steering wheel with just my hands ! You could hear me coming form at least 8 blocks away .

 

Laura

Sep 16, 2008 09:48 AM
Stacey Alyk
Metro Brokers, Son And SEA Realty - Westminster, CO

Hillarious, but ok, not to burst any bubble here, but i SWEAR i got that as an email forward about 6 months ago! Did you really find it at a flip?

Sep 16, 2008 10:14 AM
Linda Jandura
Raleigh Cary Realty - Apex, NC
Realtor, North Carolina Buyer & Seller Specialist

Too too funny. Yes, I was alive in the 70s, and even a young adult. NO, I didn't wear any of those clothes, nor could I afford the beautiful dining room set.

Thanks for the laugh.

Sep 27, 2008 01:58 AM
Tim Ludemann
Ochopee, FL

Very Funny and thanks for showing what you peps wore when i was born i  1977...its a amazing i was even made possible by those aweful clothes.

Dec 15, 2008 11:44 PM
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH@properties - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Tony, this is totally hysterical.  You need to blog some more!  Happy New Year!

Jan 01, 2009 12:52 PM
Amanda Evans
DFW Living - Fort Worth, TX
Real Estate Broker - Fort Worth Texas

HEY!  Where did ya go?

Mar 27, 2009 05:25 AM
Stephanie Gasparovic
Coldwell Banker Sea Coast Realty - Hampstead, NC

Too funny!! Great post!

Nov 02, 2009 11:50 AM
Anonymous
Johnny Virgil

That was actually taken from my blog at http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/10/strap-in-shut-up-and-hold-on-were-going.html.  There's a part 2 and 3 as well. Stop by!

Nov 20, 2009 02:39 AM
#48
Amanda Evans
DFW Living - Fort Worth, TX
Real Estate Broker - Fort Worth Texas

Where the F did everybody go?

Nov 22, 2009 02:54 PM