Have you ever noticed how some people keep coming to you with the same problems? What’s the deal? Here’s my list of possible reasons:
1. Lack of self discipline.
Sometimes, the person is simply not willing to do what it takes to overcome the problem. I had a friend who couldn’t pay his bills. We sat down and looked at his budget and he was short about $250 every month. Long story short, the only other answer was to get another part time job until he could find a better paying full time job. This did not interest him, so he whined and mooched money off friends. No discipline.
I have this one on the list because there are many hard working people out there who are working two and three jobs, and they still can’t make ends meet! To these people I say: “Don’t settle!” You are so much more than your circumstance! Always be on the lookout for new opportunities to move to a new position, or opportunities to educate yourself and move up. Set an employment goal and move toward it. Don’t buy into the negative talk you may hear from co-workers. March to your own drum.
3. Lack of a strong, positive self image.
Many people can’t move beyond their problem because they try to meet the expectations of others. For instance, maybe you can’t lose weight because your family has always seen you as the “chunky one”; or says things like “he struggles with his weight”. How will this person’s family dynamic be affected by him losing weight? Maybe he doesn’t want to find out, so he just stays fat. Many times, our family members are our biggest saboteurs. Know this: as long as you seek the approval of others over doing what you know is good and right, you will continue to have the problem(s).
4. Unwilling to change.
I once had a friend complain that her husband worked too much. There were at least a couple of plausible solutions: she could get a job outside the home so her husband could take a less demanding job; or they could sell their current home, buy down and “simplify” their lifestyle. Neither were acceptable options for her so she continued to complain. Or maybe someone like "Jane", a single person (who whines) because she is “too set in her ways” to find someone suitable. Fine. You admit you have chosen not to change. Own it and don’t whine about being single. The greatest challenge for any person is change, yet it is vital to our happiness and survival. Many times, change really is good. (even though it usually requires sacrifice)
5. “Victim” mindset
Some people find that having constant turmoil in their life brings them sympathy and attention. If they don’t have a problem in their life, they will latch on to someone else’s. Many people with a victim mindset do not take personal responsibility for their poor choices. Let’s say you have a low tire and you find you have to air it up every day for a week. The weekend comes and you decide to go to a basketball game three hours away. There is also a forecast of snow which you ignore because, heck, you have been working hard and you deserve a break! Once on the road, your tire goes flat causing you to miss the game and suffer in the cold and snow to change the flat tire. You later lament on Facebook that you have had a terrible day and ask “why does this stuff always happen to me?” In this scenario, the person is only a victim of their incredibly poor choices.
6. Lack of Perseverance
Most of our problems did not pop up overnight. Why do we expect to eradicate them overnight? The work you do to solve your problem may be temporary, or it may be life long. Changing your diet is something you do every day, and will continue to do every day until you leave this Earth. Getting an education so you can earn more money may only take two years though. Working that extra job until the kids are out of school may only be for a few years, then better things will come! Hanging in there and working on your marriage may seem like torture for a few years, but better things will come! Don’t expect things to change in a few days or months. Hang in there! It will be worth the work and wait!
I suppose the bottom line in life is that it’s all about choices. Choose to be a Victor, not a victim. The Winter Olympians in Sochi show us many examples of self discipline, self sacrifice and perseverance – examples of what it takes to be a Victor! I have noticed that if something is important to me, I find a way to make it happen. When I hear myself making excuses and whining, I have to question “why?”. What was the real reason? Was I lazy? Uninterested? Disrespectful? Whatever the reason, I made the choice. Me. It was my choice and I will take full responsibility for it and not whine!
*I fear that some may consider this post politically incorrect. Some may even be offended by it. Please know that my intention is not to be insensitive or offensive, but to call us all to a higher standard of personal responsibility.