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My Real Estate Agent Friend Said......

Real Estate Agent with Douglas Elliman Real Estate in Babylon NY

my real estate agent friend said....My Real Estate Agent Friend Said......

You hire a real estate agent to sell your Long Island home instead of a friend (smart move). But, your friend places bugs in your ear about why hasn't your home sold since it has been a few weeks? Maybe that friend is hurt that you didn't hire them and is now offering "advice".

You are calling, texting and emailing your agent because now you are frustrated after only a few weeks of being on the market. Now your agent is frustrated because you are telling them, "my real estate agent friend said the house should have sold by now" .


Those are words real estate agents do not want to hear. When agent friends offer "advice", they are actually interfering with the listing agreement you have with your agent. This is not allowed and your agent could file a complaint against your agent friend for interfering with the listing.


You hired your current agent for many reasons, knowledge of the local real estate market, online marketing, traditional marketing, their past sales track record, etc.


The best thing to do is explain to your friend why you didn't hire them. Many folks do not want to mix business with pleasure and I agree with that. I won't work with friends and family because most times it doesn't work out. It is not worth risking a personal relationship that was formed many years ago. Food for thought.


Raymond Denton
Homesmart / Evergreen Realty - Irvine, CA
Irvine Realtor®

I won't work with friends and family


Neither will I, Jackie - for the same reasons as you.

Nov 10, 2014 12:12 AM
Adrian Willanger
206 909-7536 AdrianWillanger-broker.com - Seattle, WA
Profit from my two decades of experience

Jackie, this sometimes (family and friends) looks like the low hanging real estate fruit, but as you mentioned it can be very tricky mixing business with pleasure. 

Nov 10, 2014 12:37 AM
Jerry & Giselle Lampe
Coldwell Banker Brokers of the Valley - Napa, CA
Lampe & Lampe Napa Valley Realtors

A good reminder to all that "agency is between the parties involved" and any interference is wrong, so whether it's your Mom or your Grandmother that lives in another state or country even keep your mouth shut. If you have a real concern call the agent yourself and have a one to one conversation you most likely will get a completely different scenario that was portrayed to you. You never know either you might gain the trust and respect of the other agent and get yourself a good referral partner. 

Nov 10, 2014 12:47 AM
Tammie White, Broker
Franklin Homes Realty LLC - Franklin, TN
Franklin TN Homes for Sale

When anyone chooses another agent and then seeks out my assistance for help as to why their home isn't selling, I simply say I can't comment while they are working with an agent. I explain that it's agains NAR's COE. However, I do tell them when they are ready to try something different to contact me. 

Nov 10, 2014 01:13 AM
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Jackie, when sellers and buyers choose to listen to their Realtor friend  or a friend who knows anything and everything about real estate, they are opening themselves up for disaster. Often times, these advisors don't even reside in the same state as the house is located in. Let's keep our comments to ourselves and let our friends team up with their Realtors.

Nov 10, 2014 02:19 AM
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH@properties - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

I had a friend who actually listed with another fried call to ask me if I thought her place was overpriced.  Had to explain that I give that information to clients, and she was someone else's.  And were my feelings hurt when she didn't list with me?  You bet!  Did I have to bite my tongue?  Oh yes!  But I hope that when it's the other way around, the other friend does the same thing. 

And what?  Three weeks? 

Nov 10, 2014 02:25 AM
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

Happens to Mortgage Lenders too, Jackie Connelly-Fornuff ...  I had close friends use another Lender when it came time for them to buy.  Hurt my feelings, to be sure.  When questions about their mortgage in process arose, I passed on commenting, just as I would with any other Lender's work.  If you don't have all the info and details, it's just best .. and most respectful.  Tough situation, but we remain friends ...


Nov 10, 2014 02:35 AM
Shannon Milligan, Richmond VA Real Estate Agent/Associate Broker
RVA Home Team - Richmond, VA
RVA Home Team - Winning with Integrity.

Very good point about the friend interfering with the relationship that has been created. Certainly an ethics violation. 

I recently missed out on even setting a listing appointment with an old friend and was later told they didn't want to work with anyone they knew. Being upfront and honest is great as I completely understood where they were coming from. And, there is no advice coming from my lips!

Nov 10, 2014 02:48 AM
Jill Winchel
Royal Shell Real Estate - The Koffman Group - Cape Coral, FL
We make it easy. You make it home.

Great advice for sellers. I understand why sellers don't want to work with people they know because financials and other issues may come out that they don't want their friends to know about--which is fine. I've had a seller tell me repeatedly what her 'real estate friend' said about how we were handling her listing. It was quite irritating and shouldn't have happened. He should have told her that he couldn't comment, like others have said in their comments above.

Nov 10, 2014 03:11 AM
Ed Silva, 203-206-0754
Mapleridge Realty, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

I'm sure if you knew the name of that real estate friend, they would be very quick to shut up knowing they are facing a fine

Nov 10, 2014 03:28 AM
Kevin Mackessy
Blue Olive Properties, LLC - Highlands Ranch, CO
Dedicated. Qualified. Local.

It really depends on the friend, but sometimes it is best to just refer them to another. 

Nov 10, 2014 03:33 AM
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Yup Jackie, you are right.  I've had to remind clients that they hired me for a reason and that's why the friend of the friend isn't working for them.

Nov 10, 2014 07:05 AM
Mark Wagner Jr.
Zion Realty - Gilbert, AZ

Everybody always wants to put in their 2 cents! Sorry realtor friend that you didnt get the listing!

Nov 10, 2014 07:07 AM
Tanya Van Blake-Coleman
Van Blake-Coleman Realty, St. Thomas/www.talk-to-Tanya.com - St Thomas, VI
Improving the Quality of Your Life

Very true! The fact that they had a friend and they chose not to list with them speaks volumes in the first place. If they were in fact a great agent I would think they'd list with their friend anyway. Thinking the deal might not go as planned could possibly mess up a friendship is another sign that they had more confidence in your attributes as well.

Nov 10, 2014 09:09 AM
Claude Labbe
RLAH / @properties - Washington, DC
Realty for Your Busy Life

As the agent, do you see a role where you can help the client put distance with the friend/agent?

I've had some of these before, and I wish I could reach out to the friend.

In some cases when it's a close family member and in the same town or so, I'll try to find a way to get the family member on my side, even if that means a referral.  That can be more constructive than most any other solution I've been able to consider.

Nov 10, 2014 11:58 AM
Joan Whitebook
BHG The Masiello Group - Nashua, NH
Consumer Focused Real Estate Services

I think we all have had this type of situation occur.  It is never fun.  I hope the sellers are successful with their listing and their agent.

Nov 10, 2014 12:04 PM
Ann Marie Clements
Remax Realty Group - Gaithersburg, MD
Montgomery County & Frederick County

If a home is listed by another Real Estate agent the best thing to do is keep your mouth shut when the seller says...Why do you think my house hasn't sold? Or asks you any questions. On the other hand we should never try to come between a Real Estate agent and their seller. Agency! 

Nov 10, 2014 08:33 PM
Richard Robibero, e-Pro, ABR, SRS
Panorama R.E. Limited - Toronto, ON
Selling Your Home as if it were My Own!

At the beginning I'd be hurt by someone who knew me but didn't use me. Then I think to myself "well, I didn't do any work for them so I'm okay, I need to work with the clients I do have".

And yes, the phonecalls eventually come in asking for my advice. It takes some tact to tell them that I have a few ideas but I can't interfere, I just can't.

It leaves them thinking "darn I should have called Richard"...

Nov 10, 2014 09:48 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate Services

Jackie, We never really know what is going on behind the scenes unless there is full, open and honest communication. In that situation, I would ask for the friends name and phone number and have a three-way open dialogue.  Put it all out there on the open table and discuss it. 

Nov 10, 2014 11:48 PM
Samson Properties - Bowie, MD
I don't make promises.I deliver results.SOLD HOMES

Jackie Connelly-Fornuff -There is no need for them to be bitter that they didn't get the listing. She probably wasn't hired because she felt that she couldn't get the job done. And I just wanted to stop by and say hello to you Jackie.

Dec 10, 2014 11:20 AM