New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
P. J. O'Rourke
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.