Do You Have Any Fixer Upper Listings?

I got an email (shortened so as to not waste your time) from an flipper ...

Hi Ernest,

Do you have any fixer upper listings? We are looking for single-family properties that need work. Offers are cash, As-Is, no appraisal, 7-15 day close. You probably get a lot of emails like this one so I won't waste your time.  

We work like this:

1. We write the offer. (WE earn the sale-side commission and YOU earn the list-side)
2. We fix the property to resell.
3. You sell the fixed up property (if you want).

Let me know when you find a deal with the following criteria: 

1. Property: Single-family (No condos or townhouses)
2. Occupancy Status: Vacant
3. Transaction Type: Off-Market Property
4. Maximum Price: $900K

My response:

1. You write the offer? Why don't I find my own buyer?
2. You fix the property. Fine. 
3. You sell the fixed property if you want? Why wouldn't I want? Because the commission is 1%?

Things that I didn't read:

1. We're realistic.
2. We compete $$$.
3. We pay market value.
4. It's OK if it's on the MLS.
5. We don't ask for time consuming comparables, CMAs, BPOs.
6. We will meet you and show you the money.
7. We will take care of you.

Buddy, just take me off your e-m-a-i-l list.

Flipper: Someone who buys property to fix with the intent of selling right away.

Investor: Same as flipper but with the intent of holding property for 1-2 years.