I have to be careful myself on this.  It is really easy to be caught up in others issues.

I think we can put ourselves through unnecessary stress by caring too much.  I have a friend taking a hiatus from the industry because she got this way with all her clients and started to lose sleep.

Tom there were times in the past when I cared 'too much.  I had to learn to stop that as we can make miracles happen,  just not all of the time.  I do care about my clients and do the best I can working things out for them when they fall in love with a home.  As do you and Tammie! Best of luck on completing this sale for this lucky young couple - lucky to have you two on their side!

It is possible to get too involved, but at the same time we have to remember to take the emotions out of the deal and just try to do what is right

Tom,

Probably, and sometimes we have to pull back and take care of yourself! If you don't do that, you have nothing to give.  I am glad a happy ending is in sight, and how wonderful that his young couple found the two of you!  Wishing you both continued success.  A

Yep, and too many times we talk too much and don't let buyers make their own decisions. 

Hi Tom, 

I have to remind myself that it's not my transaction and I can't care more than my client.  Some clients have to learn things the hard way, some agents get out of sorts over things they shouldn't.  Stay professional and take care of your clients. Good job getting under contract. 

Dan said it right, we cannot care more than our clients.  If they are not willing to do the things necessary to get the house then we cannot make it happen either.  Bidding low for example, against market data about recent comps and they say they love the house and it is the one, yet their actions sing a different song.

To,

Great post and I am sure most of us have been in the same position where the other agent actually seems like they are trying to crash a deal!

You can't give somebody your heart—they have their own and their own motivations.

I mean to say that each personality is a unique snowflake unto itself. Does that make sense more?

Hi Tom White, it's easy to become so emotionally invested that taking care of our clients supersedes our taking care of ourselves.  Dealing with unprofessional agents on the other end of the transaction adds an extra level of stress.  Congrats on getting your clients under contract.  Hopefully an other rocky moments will be few, far between and very minimal.

Hi Tom,

Yes, I get too emotionally involved sometimes. Real Estate can be very stressful!  Best wishes for a successful closing. 

Tom White - you said it - 'We Care'!

I have let go tantrums of listing agents many times, just because of my clients and their love for the home. And this has happened with buyer's agent playing games on my listings.

Bottom line is - We Care!

Of course you can sometimes care too much, but until you cross the line from "enough" into "too much" the caring is what makes you an outstanding agent. 

I expect we'll see more of the same during the repair negotiations.

Tom - Sometimes people just touch you and you get more involved than you normally would.

Good morning Tom. It happens sometimes, but that is what makes us human and good at what we do and there are times we just have to back off.

Make it a great weekend!

Tom, if I've learned anything in this business is that I can't care more than my clients. We need to care, but they have to be more invested in the purchase or sale than we are.

Oh yes, I can see this being a fine line, and sometimes, you really need to pull back to be more objective.

You can never care too much. It is all about prote ting your client

You better have empathy and care above and beyond to spur you to perform, deliver in the "can I help you" that way.

Tom, I believe we should care for our clients on a professional level. Agents who get  emotionally attached to their clients usually end up burning out.

Your promise was at work and it wasn't going anywhere until it was fulfilled

What a great write up and this rings so true for many times that I have been in similar situations, I think it's definitely good to care!

Hey Tom,  Nice Gold Star next to this one.  Yes we can get a little protective of our clients at times and play Mother Hen when negotiating on their behalf - but that is what sets us apart from other agents.  Not sure why but sometimes it seems the other agents make our jobs harder than they need to be.

Great post Tom White ... I have to chime in on Richie... Your promise at work! Working with agents like you and Tammie always makes me want to go the extra mile! And I'm so glad to hear it's under contract!

Yes, yes, yes....there are times when we care too much.  My problem is I treat all my clients like they are family so I really get into it if another agent does my folks wrong!!

We're hired to help a buyer own the property they're interested in.  I'm not sure it's called caring or not.  But getting the job done is how we get paid.  Sounds like you have a success in the making.

Working with first time buyers right now myself. We are now under contract and inspections on Monday. It is enjoyable. 

Is there such a thing as caring too much Tom?  Keep up the good work!

My Donald asks me a lot "did you take another one to raise?", I just smile and say yes.

 Good morning Tom. Congratulations on getting the contract pushed through. Yes, we do get emotionally tied to our clients as we do want what is best for them.

I believe in going the extra miles for all clients. Sometimes that means an emotional tie to my buyers or sellers.

I agree! It's a great sign when we tend to "care too much" it means we are really making a connection with our clients. These individuals will be spread the word and hopefully bring you other clients that you like just as much. Good clients bring other good clients.

Good job taking care of them!

Tom, I am happy to see that the Feature Fairies sprinkled their dust on this post!  I often ponder that same question - is it possible to care too much. There are times when I feel we can. Especially when we seem to care more than those we are caring for. Prayers are out that this transaction closes.  Keep on caring ... it's the better road to travel.

Nah, kind hearted people like you and Tammie can never care too much.  What concerns me is those agents who don't care at all, or enough.

Generally, satisfied clients evolve from caring/competent agents and co-operative clients. For example, a simple gesture like an airport pickup can go a long way in creating a strong and positive working relationship. Also, in many cases caring must be done without mothering or fathering as some clients will resent it.  

Absolutely.  It's the times when you care more than you client does that you need to be careful of.......

I do not believe you, as an agent, can "care too much". I do know that the client will go one of two ways; either respecting and appreciating the intense hard work you have performed on their behalf or, they will not. The old saying 'no good deed goes unpunished' often applies. However, at the end of the day, you need to be able to look yourself in the mirror and honestly say you performed all your duties and repsonsibilities in an upstanding, upright and ethical way. If you can do that, you will always be successful  

I really don't think that you can care too much.  I think it is our responsibility to care for our clients, to make sure they meet their goals and make a wise investment both financially and for their lifestyle.  However, when we feel that the other side is unprofessional and/or unethical, it creates a very difficult situation.  We need to keep focusing on staying professional, neutral and acting in the best interest of our clients without attaching too much to the outcome.  Good luck.  Your buyers are very lucky to have both you and your wife represent them.

I think that if we DIDN'T care about our clients, we would get nothing out of doing what we do.  It would be completely unfulfilling.  Also, when the other side acts in an unprofessional manner, I think it tends to bring out more of our protective nature.

Yes, I care too much. I want the very best outcome for my clients. That is the payoff that means so much to me. I am very invested in getting results. I fret and worry and stress. This is a tough business.

So many great answers.  My immediate response is:  'always'.  I often ask myself why I get so involved, and the answer is always the same .... I really care about my clients.  It's a big purchase, and I want them to be happy with their decision. Additionally, it makes me happy!  Kinda selfish .... 

Very nice article. It's easy to tell that you and Tammie really DO care about your clients! What a blessing you are to your business.

We make the commitment to protect our client's interests, and we should always go the extra mile for them. But......I've seen agents who don't just care for their clients, they become caretakers or caregivers. As professionals, we have to remain unattached emotionally to see things through properly. If the other side is acting unprofessionally or unethically, we can point this out to ur clients, provide options, and let them decide how (or if) they want to proceed.

I occasionally see agents who cross the line by becoming emotionally involved in transactions. In my view, that's usally a mistake. We can't always "save the world" when it comes to real estate, so it's important to maintain an objective perspective when dealing with our clients. That's why they hired us.

Not sure one can care too much, but I'd rather care too much than not enough...

There is a fine line between caring and just want to win. We need to be careful not to be so aggressive to win the battle that we burn bridges with other agents. The customers that are our best friends” today will move on and sometimes won’t even remember us in few months, we have to stay on the battle field and fight the next battle.  It’s just as important to make relationships with other Agents that will benefit the negotiations with all of our customers. 

Yea, I believe that is our job! We always want to do the best that we can for our clients. If not you may be in the wrong business.

I don't think you can care too much Tom, unless you're throwing yourself on the floor  kicking and screaming like a 2 year old, or losing nights of sleep, or developing  nervous ticks...in that case maybe we should back away and become more objective! :-)

No, I don't think we can care too much. There is a difference between caring and getting emotionally involved. Care is when we do our best for our clients in achieving their real estate goals. Sounds like that's what you and Tammie did for your clients. 

Tom...

You can only care too much if it affects business in a negative way, but not if it is a positive force for your clients!

Never in a million years can you care too much. You did the right thing and spun a potentially negative story into a positive light. Which says a lot about you as a person. Keep up the exemplary work.

That is what we do. I refer to my young buyer clients as my kids (not to their face of course) and I treat them like that. Yes Tom I can see how it gets personal and we get protective. The caveat here (and you eluded to it) is that we cannot let it cloud our judgment. That makes the business all at once tough and rewarding!

Tom White - Great post!  As for caring in the sense of the word, and as others have already commented, it is a very good thing.  The thing I find many agents have difficulty with is separating the "caring" part from becoming personally involved.  In other words, while you may care a great deal about your clients - as you should - the transaction is about them and the seller, and NOT about you.  It's when other agents personalize the transaction that things can get ugly.

We should care - its beyond the sale.  If they are pleased with what we are doing for them in protecting their investment, isn't that what its about?

Yes, and I think this would be a good test:

If you find yourself screaming, yelling, kicking your feet, pounding your desk or not able to sleep at night because of the real estate transaction--you are caring too much! 

Good morning Tom,  I have one of these transactions going on as we speak with the listing agent playing crazy games and upsetting my client. I like your answer Karen Deis .

GREAT post!  Don't think one can care too much; just try not to let the caring cloud your judgement.

No, I don't think we can care too much about our clients. It makes us better agents. On the other hand, our experience in real estate keeps us from losing perspective or get tripped up over petty things. Balance!

I would always like to be on the side of caring too much about a client rather than too little.  We just need to make sure it doesn't affect our negotiations on their behalf.

We've all been there. Best to avoid it but sometimes we just can't. My worst case of caring too much caused me to purchase a small condo because hte sale of my clients home feel through at the last minute and they were devastated that they were going to lose their new home. You guessed it.  I bouhgt their condo . . . at the peak f the housing boom . . . and am STILL in negative territory by about $50K. And I wasn't even involved in the home they were purchasing. There have been other times as wewll but none that I've regretted like that one.

Yes, we can care too much. Even with clients who do not do what they need to do to complete their transaction. I decided long ago to not care more than my clients do to get the deal done.

I think caring for our clients is very important.  I almost get depressed sometimes when an escrow closes as I miss the people I have been working with.

I am of the opinion that there is no caring too much as long as it does not blur responsibilities and professional conduct.

Wonderful article. I think we should care for our clients as they are trusting us with their biggest investment. Guiding them, listening to their needs and working for their benefit and their interest if we have to go above and beyond the duties of the nornal real estate transaction. we shou.d  I always do.

I have so many new gray hairs from caring so much about my clients' and their buying/selling process.

I recently bought a house for myself (and am getting ready to sell my old house) and I've been amazed at how much more relaxed I am- I don't feel nearly as stressed about about letting my clients down. I've realized that when I tell clients I care about their transaction like I care about my own house, it's not true. I actually care quite a bit more.

Care but don't care that much.

Isn't that part of ethics. That you care that your clients are treated fairly and you do all you can to help them achieve the American dream in a fair and honest way? I met the parents of one new couple purchasing their first home. The parents looked at each other after I answered questions they had and said to each other; she pulled the "Mother Card".  

I don't see anything you did wrong. I had a little conversation with God and He told me this is the year to put ministry first and business second. Guess what. I met a broker who out that on her email.

I know what negotiations can turn into. I am selling my own house with no personal attachment. Had a divorse and I just want to move on. WOW I never imagined how some agents use little things to negotiate. Low balls offers like crazy. Trying to get a $300,000 house for buyers only qualified for 200K. And the things they use to negotiate. Agents see a Bibe in your house and thnk they can treat you like an idiot and take advantage of you. Some told me, your a Christian, and these people need your house. Am I supposd to give them 100K instant equity because I'm a Christian? Another agent / investor wanted to get into investing and asked me to knock 50K off and give him 8K to put in new carpet and counter tops so he could resell it. I'm not sure where this world is going but I'm glad to see any agent doing what they are supposed to do, place their interests in the backseat, look out for their clients, and explain what market price is. I for one am sick of agents who think they are negotiators with a cape.

Great Post!  I really enjoyed reading all the responses and rather than reiterate those thoughts I'll just say we can never care too much.  I tell all my clients that I will treat them just like "Family" ... well I would not give up on my family and when it comes to our profession ... we are their "go to person" -- so if we don't care ... who will?  If we love our professiona -- which I believe we do -- then we will always go above and beyond the call of duty and care too much.  (That's why our customers tell their family and friends about us right?)

I try earnestly to keep my emotions out of business transactions, yet, many agents let their emotions steer their decisions while they fail to focus on the clients primary goal and objective. 

Yes, what Gene #69 said that after working very closely with people for sometimes months we get to know them well and after closing we part company. A void for sure however there is not room in our lives to maintain a relationship with clients that number in the hundreds (unfortunately) 

No, you cannot care too much Tom in my opinion but it is important to avoid getting over-emotionally connected with the outcome. Great post!

Totally enjoyed the post and all the comments. I, like so many other agents, am currently involved in an International multi-million dollar transaction with a buyer. There are days I sway a bit 'ministerial' and most where I remain thoughful, but professionally realtor-business. Hahahaha.  We did have a property listed in my niche a couple years ago for $100,000,000.  You probably heard about it or saw the movie:  The Queen of Versailles. I find myself treading a little differently when working with the upper-higher priced properties.  Thanks for the posts and comments.

When a LA gets nutz I ask the buyers if this is the ONLY house for them and explain we can take our chances on finding something better instead of dealing with a Nazi agent. Most move on and those always seem to come out better. I care about how much they care!

GUILTY AS CHARGED!  I, although it causes grey hair and heartburn, would not have it any other way!

You can never care too much as long as you don't take any of the negotiations personally.  Keep it in perspective that you are your client's advocate in you must always act in their best interest.

I care a LOT about my clients, very protective about their best interests. I think it's best though to try to not take it personally when dealing with the other agent, although it can be very difficult, some agents have a knack for pushing all the wrong buttons. Nonetheless, if you can handle things professionally I don't think you can care too much.

Wow. What a tremendous group of Realtors! One agent even made a bad investment to help his clients. I am concerned that I will get myself too wrapped up in my client's situation. I've really enjoyed meeting the people I've worked with so far and have already found myself losing sleep! Guess I better get use to it! 

As a good agent you should always try to give the best advise.  In the case of a young couple I always try to get them to buy way under their budget.  I encourge them to make double or triple payments and build wealth through paying off their mortgage.  I have had over 20 that have paid their homes off in less than 5 years and a few of those have bought again using the income from their paid off home to help double up on the payments of the new one.  The only way you can care too much is when you are worried about your pocket book and not theirs. Superstars Realty Group

 Looking out for the best interests of your clients is always a good thing! I find that caring for clients is what makes a top agent.  The hard part is not personalizing a transaction as that is not in the best interest of the clients; they need us to keep our emotions in check when negotiating.  I've loved the comments as much as the post. Thank you for a great topic and thoughtful post. 

You can't care too much, but if you do always be prepared to get hurt:-)

Real estate is more than a numbers game for me and to others who have posted here.  It is a plus that you would add caring to your resume.  I wrote a post a couple of years ago called "How can you not get attached"   http://actvra.in/4zQW

When your clients share their hopes and dreams, financials and family with you, how do you turn off the caring.  Good job....Good blog

How many items do you want me to list for this????

I can go deep but yes when others try to take advantage of customer concern or care I will not tolerate it.

I like to think that I would have handled the situation as you did.  Caring is what we do.  

Sure is  hard not to care, I get it. I do try to keep those emotions private, but they do often drive me. As long as they don't interfere with my judgement its all good. 

I think most of us get emotionally invested sometimes.  It's great that you care that your clients are treated fairly and are represented in the best way possible.

Yes it happens- glad it worked out for you and your clients!  Have a great day! 

I think all the good agents do care too much. That is what makes us better. The ones who don't care almost blow up the deal for their clients. How is that looking out for their best interest?

I take caring too much to mean when the agent wants the deal to a greater extent than does the client. That, in my opinion, is not a good way to do business.

Care, but don't care that much.