Dear Home Seller: A Letter From Your Prospective Buyers

Managing Real Estate Broker with Howard Hanna Rand Realty License # 49FA1074963

 [Note: This is a draft from 2015 but I thought it worth publishing. Some think a buyer's letter to a seller is a smart move, others don't. I think ti has everything to do with what's in that letter. This is an example of perhaps what not to write, borrowed slightly from one that was with an offer once. The buyer was not our client.]


Dear Home Seller:

You have not lowered your price sufficiently to satisfy our desire subjugate you to our will, so we thought we'd dazzle you with the beauty of our family in an effort to make you forget math. Our names are Cornelius & Contessa, and we live with our son Aristotle and our exotic breed dog, Loki. 

We've been looking for a second home to unwind from our Manhattan apartment (elevators, doormen- sheesh it can get crazy, right?) for several years and you are about the 7th homeowner we've engaged. Yes, it was a severe buyer's market when we started out and it is now more of a market favoring the seller, but we press on. Fortune favors the bold, right? 

As you can tell from the attached pictures, Contessa's uterus is in fine working order, and Cornelius's semen is teeming with strong swimming, fertile spermatozoa. That's how we got Aristotle, and we like to photograph him with Loki in whacky situations. We hope you like the one attached. We also like to take selfies in exotic locations with palm trees in the background (see attached). As you can certainly relate, we're just like everybody else, that is, if "everybody else" is a a college educated, dual profession family from the Upper East Side who set a life goal of a second home before the age of 40.  

We want to make it clear that we really, really love your property. Not enough to offer you anything close to asking price or even your latest aggressive counter offer, but we love it all the same. We can see ourselves sitting on your deck, sipping Moscow Mules, feeling superior about how we rammed our negotiation position down your throat. We can totally see ourselves entertaining our friends from Manhattan in that living room with the fireplace roaring, deftly avoiding direct answers about why we didn't get a place in the Hamptons (ker ching, right?).

Anyway, we thought that sharing our obtuse conceit about how photogenic we are would sway your attachment to your bottom line and get the show on the road so we can close this thing before we hit our time share in Aruba this August. If you, like us, agree that we are utterly clipart beautiful and are entitled to your property at a sufficiently discounted price, please just do the right thing. 

God bless, 

Cornelius, Contessa, Aristotle and Loki. 


Originally published at Westchester Real Estate

Comments (9)

Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC

OMG, how I wish there was a 'love' button here! That is freaking FANTASTIC, Phil!

I had a hot listing over the weekend that received numerous Offers. MOST of them were accompanied by these letters. Did the sellers ever see these letters? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!

I'm guiding my clients through a BUSINESS transaction...this is not a decision to be made from the heart. I don't want them making a business decision based on any Aristotles or Moscow Mules - hell no!

Jan 08, 2018 06:43 AM
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good morning Phil - I don't think I would be swayed by this one.

Jan 08, 2018 06:52 AM
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

I have to laugh because it sounds like members of my family who drink moscow mules in Manhattan! 

Jan 08, 2018 06:57 AM
Jay Markanich
Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC - Bristow, VA
Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia

I always like to support the new kids on AR with comments.  So here it goes.

On inspections I have seen letters from sellers to potential buyers, but not the other way around.  Not sure a "photogenic" family shots would sway a seller.  Maybe they hoped the sellers would want to sell to a family.

By the way, your name and avatar look eerily familiar.  Have we met?  Good to see the post!

Jan 09, 2018 03:23 AM
Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M

Phil - I'm glad you decided to pull this one out of draft and post it.

Jan 10, 2018 10:48 PM
Mimi Foster
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor

This is hilarious! On a side note, I took a class not too long ago and the instructor (a lawyer) said - DON'T OPEN THEM! Tell the Buyer's agent that you can't pass them on because it could become a question of discrimination. He said especially if there are photos of the family, it is a problem waiting to happen. I hadn't thought of it in that light before. Great post!

Jan 11, 2018 08:27 PM
S. Leanne Paynter ☼ Broward County, FL
United Realty Group, Inc. - Davie, FL
Davie, Plantation, Cooper City & Weston Specialist

Hi, Philip.  I'm so glad I came across this post for two reasons:

1. It was hilarious... thanks for the laughs!

2. I read Mimi Foster's comment and had never thought of the possibility that it could become a question of discrimination. 

I miss seeing your posts featured regularly.  If you have any other drafts, consider publishing them.  I hope all is well.  I pass by your area whenever I visit one of my brothers in Mahopac.


Feb 20, 2018 11:06 AM
J. Philip Faranda

Thanks- you asre very kind

Feb 20, 2018 11:19 AM
Jill Sackler
Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY
LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

One can't help but wonder just how much of this letter was borrowed slightly from one that once accompanied an offer.

Mar 07, 2018 10:07 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good afternoon Philip,

I loved this post it was absolutely hilarious. I like Mimi Foster have been told not to pass these letters along and discourage agents from submitting them with an offer. If it does have photos it can be the worse as it can be construed as discrimination. Our Broker had advised us not to write them or accept them.

Feb 15, 2023 01:02 PM