Divorcing Your House

Mortgage and Lending with Guaranteed Rate NMLS# 2611 NMLS #208860

divorce It's over.  The love is gone.  We've drifted apart.  Sure, there was a time when everything seemed wonderful.  How crazy were we having our first lien right away?  Remember when we'd spend the weekends together, you, me, a paintbrush, some power tools?  You gave me worth and value and it felt so good.

I was so giving in the past, in fact, I gave until it hurt.  Our beautiful second lien came along a few years later.  I took you on that amazing 7-day cruise through the Eastern Caribbean.  I put your kids through boarding school.  We put in that pool you always wanted.  I even helped buy the boat of your dreams and the Escalade SUV.  It was so good for so long.

But something changed in the past few years and I feel like we're strangers.  All you want to do is take, take, take and I've got nothing left to give.  I thought you knew me and what I worth, but it turns out I was wrong.  You look at me with regret, contempt, and sadness.  You wonder why you ever got involved with me.  And that hurts.  Irreconcilable differences.

So the paperwork has been started.  My attorney will be contacting you shortly.  The relationship is beyond repair and it's time for both of us to move on.  And in case you wondered, you're the one that's going to leave.  You get the debt, and I get the house.

Comments (11)

Jackie - computer-training-atlanta.com
770.498.7333 - Atlanta, GA
Learn to leverage technology to get more done.
Mike, this is great! (Who do we contact to recommend a featured post) :0
Apr 17, 2008 11:25 AM
Bill Nazur
First Lending Solutions - Riverside, CA
I think this is a great letter....it almost seemed to real....I don't know if I want to take sides on this one!
Apr 17, 2008 06:13 PM
David Saks
(retired) - Memphis, TN

Are the fixtures included in the dissolution agreement? What were the grounds for divorce? Were they cruel and unusual sprinkler and septic system malfunction due to abandonment? Has the home had it's roof examined by a local practitioner to determine if there is an underlying emotional anomaly? Perhaps mold has made the home ill and it can't think properly? I would recommend that the poor home is provided professional guidance as soon as possible. The home will probably not require hospitalization, however.

Poor, poor home. It's sooooo sad.

Apr 17, 2008 07:50 PM
Jim Quinn
Century 21 - Anaheim, CA
North Orange County Real Estate


Very creative post! Getting a prenuptial would help solve some of these agony? Will have to fight for custody of that "Treehouse" that was built together 7 years ago too. :)

Apr 17, 2008 08:09 PM
Jackie - computer-training-atlanta.com
770.498.7333 - Atlanta, GA
Learn to leverage technology to get more done.
Note to house: I think you're jumping the gun. Are you sure you can get divorced? You may want to check and see if your state has a mandatory cooling off / counseling period. 
Apr 17, 2008 08:14 PM
Jennifer Kladny
Premier Servicing Company, LLC - Kittanning, PA

Great post!  He said, she said.  Always three sides to every story - "his", "hers" and the truth.  This sounds like the truth!

Apr 17, 2008 11:54 PM
Mike Tullio
Guaranteed Rate NMLS# 2611 - Sarasota, FL
VP of Mortgage Lending

David, Jim, and Jackie.  I knew there would be some outside the box thinkers in the AR fold that would take my feeble attempt at personification to the next level.  Well done on the elaboration.  Hilarious.  I especially like the "underlying emotional anomaly".

Jennifer.  You really hit home with your statement; somewhere in the middle lies the truth!  Bill was smart to remain neutral.  All the love our homes have given us has been a subject-to relationship.  Our attachment has been subject to value continuing to rise and now we have some serious dysfunction.  Seek a counselor before it's too late!

Apr 18, 2008 09:59 AM
Kevin Hancock
Evergreen Home Loans - Poulsbo, WA
The Hancock Mortgage Team
Another great post Mike.  I was thinking recently about the similarities between Home Buying / Marriage and Foreclosure / Divorce (actually planned to write a blog about it) and this captures some of those thoughts really well.  Good job!
May 02, 2008 08:53 AM
John Thomas
Primary Residential Mortgage Inc. - Newark, DE
First Time Home Buyer Expert

Great Letter!  That is the truth right there.

John Thomas - Certified Mortgage Planner

May 03, 2008 01:50 AM
Marie Ogle
Mortgage Processing Solutions - Spokane, WA
Contract Mortgage Processor

LOL!  This is great!  Thanks for the laugh.


Love your wit! 

May 05, 2008 10:56 AM
Laura Moore Godek
Laura Moore Godek, PC - McHenry, IL

You weable to put a humorous spin on the situation.  Thanks for the laugh.

May 09, 2008 09:21 AM