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ASK AN AMBASSADOR: Sticks And Stones

By
Real Estate Agent with Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com SAL.2002007747

sticks and stones....okay, it was the best picture I could find!ASK AN AMBASSADOR:  Sticks And Stones

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me".

Harrrumph.  Horse manure.

I've heard the statement made that words only have the power we give them, and last Monday the words I heard buckled my knees and stunned me to my core.

My dad calling at 10 in the morning can't ever be a good thing.  My brother Joe was dead at age 50.  Massive heart attack on his front porch as he left for work.  Nothing they could do for him.  A wife and two daughters (11 & 15) left behind.

Joe was a pastor currently between churches.  The testimony from others at his memorial service last Friday was touching, affirming he'd made a huge difference to many and meant a lot to my parents and the rest of the family and friends in attendance. 

I KNOW he is in a better place, but the heart and the mind haven't reconciled that knowledge yet and I have no idea how long it will take this wound to heal.  It's taken me a week and a day to even get to the point where I could even attempt to write this post.

And here's the thing and the reason I write this post today,  it's about THIS community.  I've not made it a secret here that I work TWO jobs full-time.  I'm an engineer for a Fortune 500 company and have been for 24+ years, and I've been helping Liz with real estate since 2004.  I'm by nature a fairly private person and being in real estate/sales isn't a natural fit for my personality.  I kept the news of my brother's death to just my manager and a co-worker, and frankly might not have even told them except for the need to travel out of state for my brother's service.

Who DID I tell?  Rainers.  At first just a couple via FB messages, then another group that I interact with daily.  Rain friends of mine that I've mostly met in person.  People that I'd have never met without this community.  People that I trust, that help me learn, help me blow off steam in private, support me as I shed tears. 

Then I shared with some of the other Ambassadors.  For the most part Ambassadors are people I've never met, but many of them I consider true friends.  The texts, emails, FB messages and phone calls of sincere support followed shortly and are appreciated beyond anything I can readily express. 

The thing about buying into this community, truly understanding what this place is about, is it comes with that kind of support when you need it.   When you've been kicked hard and fallen down, there are kind people here that will reach out to help you up.  I know that ANYTHING I need I could ask for and there wouldn't be any hesitation.  When I needed professional advice on how to help my sister-in-law, Rainers were there for me.

It doesn't mean we're ALL going to get along.  Fact is we're going to have differences of opinion, sometimes pretty strongly.  We're family and those that miss that are missing what is perhaps the best part of the Rain.

I have a passion for this community and sometimes I have to REALLY think hard about whether to respond or not to a post or comment, and if I choose to respond, the words to pick to do so.  I'm a strong believer in having a RATIONAL, CIVIL discussion (and sometimes my twisted humor will interject).  And that means sometimes my responses might be a bit on the "long" side.  That's my nature, analyze, dissect, lay out response, click submit. 

I don't think having an Ambassador badge makes me a special class of AR citizen, it just means I have certain responsibilities and obligations to the community that I take seriously.  And it also means I hit delete a lot if I don't think what I'm writing in a post or a comment fits my responsibilities as an Ambassador for this community.

It is difficult for me to stay totally silent because I do believe that if left unchallenged that negativity can become infectious.  Destructive vs. constructive criticism, the first is NOT good, the other is welcome, even when it's uncomfortable.  We become who we associate with, and a friend of mine from Ghana has a saying "Silence is acceptance".

That's not saying that I think everything in the Rain is perfect.  There are glitches, there is room for platform improvement, maybe everyone in the Rain doesn't always uphold the standards of the community.  It's complicated, just like the rest of our lives.

But it also means that I will periodically feel the need to ask questions and have frank conversations.  And if it becomes apparent that a rational, civil discussion isn't going to happen, then at least I know I tried & hopefully someone else will have success where I failed. 

Relationships are the lifeblood of this community.  I don't seek to burn bridges.  I put in a lot of hours into this community each week (way too many if you ask a certain person I'm married to) & I want this community to thrive long after I've punched my keyboard for the last time.  So if I'm doing anything to cause damage, you can know it's not by intent.  Mea culpa.

Until next Tuesday, just Ask An Ambassador if you need help!

Bill 

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Serving Warren County Ohio & Adjacent Areas

The Liz Spear Team of Transaction Alliance
Elizabeth Spear, ABR, Ohio License SAL.2002007747

William (Bill) Spear, Ohio License SAL.2004011109  Kentucky 77938
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Comments (77)

Tammy Adams ~ Realtor / Podcaster
Maricopa Real Estate Co - Maricopa, AZ
A Maricopa Agent who Works, Lives & Loves Maricopa

I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. You are never prepared but especially when so sudden. 

Aug 12, 2015 02:11 PM
Gayle Rich-Boxman Fishhawk Lake Real Estate
John L Scott Market Center - Birkenfeld, OR
"Your Local Expert!" 503-739-3843

Bill, wow, this was just a spilling out of your soul, man!! Joe would be and frankly IS proud of you to know that the emotion from losing him spurns on such honesty for you to share with us . You  bared your soul for solace here in this incredible platform of LOVE and we are quite grateful.

Such an amazing force you are here!! I am deeply troubled by any of our friends' sudden losses here, because with our connectedness, we ALL feel it, both for you and with you.  

 

Aug 12, 2015 03:56 PM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Joan, Indeed they are.  The support from the Rain has truly been helpful for me.

Tammy, Truly unexpected.

Gayle, Some days my engineering brain is no match for my heart and what it feels.  Death opens it all up, changes the game.  I have also mourned the losses of other Rainers and their family members thanks to the deep connections we have made in this community.

Aug 13, 2015 12:35 AM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

I just tried leaving a comment and ended up in some form of cyber-purgatory.  

 

Let me sum it up:

-  So sorry about your brother, my friend.

-  I could get use to this spilling of the soul stuff by you.

-  A better Ambassador AR could not ask for ...

 

That is all.

Aug 13, 2015 01:46 AM
Karen Fiddler, Broker/Owner
Karen Parsons-Fiddler, Broker 949-510-2395 - Mission Viejo, CA
Orange County & Lake Arrowhead, CA (949)510-2395

I have a good coping idea for you...worked for me. I put all the pictures of David I had into a few albums (you could also put favorite pictures and times). Then when I felt like breaking down during the day, or other awkward time, I told myself I would "treat" myself to some down time later that evening. I could get through the moment and then later I would go through the pictures and cry with a glass of wine. I could get myself through those moments by knowing I had a mourning appt later. Over time...these times became less and less necessary and often. 

Aug 13, 2015 02:12 AM
Brenda Mullen
RE/MAX Associates - San Antonio, TX
Your San Antonio TX Real Estate Agent!!

I am so sorry to hear about this Bill. This community and the people in it are priceless because we can come here and learn from one another and still share so much. We are indeed family and I for one am so glad you and Liz are a part of it.

Aug 13, 2015 03:44 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Mr. Sardi, If I write too many like this they'll revoke my engineer's membership card!

Karen, You've worked out a good method to handle it.  Today is better than yesterday, but I know any time I talk to my parents on the phone it's going to be right below the surface for all of us.

Brenda, I know I can rely on the people here to help me.  Those that opt out of participating really miss something special.

Aug 13, 2015 05:40 AM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Real Estate Broker Retired

Sorry to hear of your brothers passing Bill. My condolances.

Aug 14, 2015 07:03 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Thanks for the support Lyn!

Aug 14, 2015 08:39 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Sorry for your loss. Please, accept my condolences.

When I was way younger, back in the USSR we used trains to go on vacation. For me to get to the Black Sea, where my aunt lived, it took 3 days. I still remember how open we all became on those trips. How we would tell people we only knew for couple of days things we would not tell those close to us ever...

It is a strange thing, when you meet someone, and you know that there is no connection, there will be no living close, no friendships after we reach the destination... It is a weird combination of closeness and some anonymity.

Some of Leo Tolstoy most tragic short stories happened while traveling.

Aug 15, 2015 08:18 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Jon, Thank you!  For me, I don't feel like many of the people here in the Rain are true strangers as I've had years to get to know many of them.  So on one hand it's strange to share something this personal, but then it doesn't.  I know the people here will help as I've received quite a bit of support via phone calls, emails and texts. 

Aug 15, 2015 10:31 AM
Kate Elim
Dockside Realty - Spotsylvania, VA
Realtor 540-226-1964, Selling Homes & Land a

Hi Bill...I gleaned that you had lost your brother but I did not know how until just now. What a shock for all of you. I am deeply sorry for your family. 

Kate

Aug 16, 2015 02:28 PM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Kate, It's been two weeks as of this morning and I still have moments of total disbelief.

Aug 16, 2015 08:58 PM
Karen Winters, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices KoenigRubloff
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Koenig Rubloff Realty Group - Chicago, IL - Chicago, IL
Chicago, IL

Bill,

My deepest condolences to you and your family. May God grant you and your family peace and comfort.  

 

Aug 19, 2015 12:08 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Karen, Thanks!  I know my parents are struggling with this as would be expected.  I have some down days, some up days.  God will help us get through this.

Aug 19, 2015 10:41 PM
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

I am so sorry to hear of your brother's passing, Bill ... I'm just now reading this post.  And I apologize for that too.  You're right.  Time heals.  Until then, know that you are in my thoughts.  And keep writing.  The support you can find here on AR is amazingly strong ...

Gene

Sep 02, 2015 03:23 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Gene, No worries and nothing to apologize for.  And to a certain extend, continuing to blog is a therapy of sorts.  A part of my daily routine that hasn't changed, and the other part that hasn't changed is the support of this community.  Thanks!

Sep 02, 2015 04:02 AM
Lou Ludwig
Ludwig & Associates - Boca Raton, FL
Designations Earned CRB, CRS, CIPS, GRI, SRES, TRC

Liz and Bill

It's sad to hear about your brother . . . . a life lose to soon. My prayers are with the family.

Good luck and success.

Lou Ludwig

Aug 10, 2016 09:33 AM
Lou Ludwig
Ludwig & Associates - Boca Raton, FL
Designations Earned CRB, CRS, CIPS, GRI, SRES, TRC

Liz and Bill

Thanks for sharing you heart felt story . . . . and congratulations on being awarded to feature.

Good luck and success.

Lou Ludwig

Aug 10, 2016 09:35 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Lou, It's been almost a year and the pain isn't as frequent, but it still hits me with suddenness on occasion.  His family is doing well and time does heal.

Aug 10, 2016 10:31 AM