You can hide from the church bus

By
Real Estate Agent with Utah Homes 9334967-SA00

From time to time I write about non-real estate related things. This is one of those times.

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"Why are you three so dressed up?"

That was the question I asked of my three younger siblings as they stood curbside, with a look of expectation of something big.
"If we ride the joy bus 8 weeks in a row we win a denim bible!" said Chop.

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OK. This requires more than one explanation.
First- I have six siblings. The first four of us were born in a four-year period. Then there was a seven-year gap and the next three were born in a three-year span.
It was if we were part of a blended family- yet all related.
To be honest- the trailing three were angels. So, of course, they would be candidates for evening Bible worship. Willing candidates, at that.
But they were also highly motivated- if there was something to be won they wanted in on the action.
"Come with!" pleaded Chop.
Now. Here's the second explanation. Our youngest sister is named Suzanne. This is a name that my mom chose under one condition: that we all call her Suzanne and not any other variation.
In short order she was called Suzy, then Suey, then Chop Suey, then Chopper. And finally Chop.

This was not a case of singling out. Almost nobody in the family has escaped with his or her original name. But I digress.

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On the topic of religion, I guess you could say that our family had wandered in the wilderness. Once devout, we had started to grow less so.
It's hard to plant spiritual roots when you're a part of the military world. 

We had moved so many times that we typically settled on whichever church was closest, or which one had the most entertaining minister, or the best sports team.

My brother and I weren't misfits but we had become worn out by the faith battles. 

It would take more than a promise of fancy Bible coverings to get me to ride the joy bus the 12 miles from Sheppard Air Force Base to Burkburnett, Texas.

My older brother was in agreement with me on this. So, we went back to our basketball game as our younger sibling waited with eagerness for the joy bus to arrive.

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You could hear the church bus before you ever saw it.
It was packed with kids mostly. They would scream-sing with total devotion and the bus would rock and bounce as if the tires were mismatched.
The bus driver was Brother Elzy. I knew him from the school dances. He would brush back the couples who snuggled up too much during the slow dances. 

I had heard that he carried a Bible that he used as a measuring tool. If your bodies were less than the width of holy scripture then you were about the devil's business and he would exhort you to back off. 

I never witnessed this but I wouldn't find it hard to believe.
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The joy bus rumbled to a stop in front of the house, then made a steam-powered hissing sound as the double doors opened.

My younger brother and two sisters bounded aboard as the kids sang, "Hello David! Helloo David, Helllooooo Daaaavid, we're-glad-you-rode-our-bus!!"

This song was repeated for Lisa and then for Suzy.
Brother Elzy got off the bus and asked my brother and I if we would join them.

My brother was a Senior in High School and I was a Sophmore.

Fortunately, we were able to decline the invitation on account of the fact we wearing shorts and t-shirts, fitting attire as we spent each evening playing basketball in the front driveway.

"The Lord doesn't care about your attire my young brothers. It's what's in your heart that counts." Replied brother Elzy.
Dismantled by this comeback, my brother came closer to telling the truth. "We don't want anyone singing at us."
"Oh, they won't sing at you. The greeting songs are for the younger folks."

We succumbed to the pressure and agreed to be ready the next time.

---
A week passes quickly when you're dreading something.
My brother and I begrudgingly dressed for the night of worship and we were sure to be bored and humiliated by the experience.
"Eight trips and that denim Bible is yours!" exclaimed my younger brother- who was three weeks shy of his prize earning.

"I wish I could be with you soooo bad."
For some long forgotten reason, the younger kids had other plans.

We would be boarding the joy bus alone this evening.

---
We stood at the curb, heard the distant singing of young angels and awaited the pending greetings of the little songbirds.
My brother climbed aboard first and an exuberant cherub chimed, "HELLO GARY, HEhh..." but the rest of the bus gave a loud "Shush!"
Evidently Brother Elzy had honored our request.
We were the grown-up boys who didn't want to be sung at. The kids had been forewarned, but a six-year-old girl, who couldn't have been more adorable wasn't, evidently, the most attentive listener.

We walked the long sad journey to the back of the bus.
I never felt like a bigger heathen in my life.
We rode the remainder of our journey in silence.

The kids peered at us with empathy- showing love for the sinners.
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It was easy to avoid the joy bus.
Our plan was thus- we'd be playing basketball.
We'd hear the bus.
We'd hide behind the Oleander bushes that offered lush coverage.
Once the bus departed we'd be back to dribbling and trash-talking basketball bliss.
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One evening the bus must have been in stealth mode.
We were less prepared because our siblings were elsewhere.
Nearly too late, we heard the singing and raced to the Oleanders.
Curses!
Dad had trimmed them back earlier that day.

We hid behind the thin branches, looking very much like two irredeemable sinners.
Brother Elzy slowed the bus to a crawl, opened the doors and proclaimed, "You can hide from the church bus. but you can't hide from the Lord!"
My brother turned to me and said, "busted. busted by the joy bus."

Comments (12)

Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Chuck- I loved this story and you are so lucky to have a big family (I have just one brother).    Does anyone still have their denim Bible?

Jan 23, 2016 10:06 AM
Bob "RealMan" Timm
Ward County Notary Services - Minot, ND
Owner of Ward Co. Notary Services, retired Realtor

As much as I love the Lord and my church "The Joy Bus" sounds like it was a nightmare you you and your older brother. Was your dad Air Force?

Jan 23, 2016 10:13 AM
MaryBeth Mills Muldowney
TradeWinds Realty Group LLC - Braintree, MA
Massachusetts Broker Owner

Chuck Willman  thank you for the smile tonight!  

Jan 23, 2016 10:29 AM
Joan Dickie
Keller Williams Premier Realty - La Crosse, WI
Keller Williams Premier Realty

Thanks for sharing this family story.  It is a great one for a Saturday night.

Jan 23, 2016 10:56 AM
Chuck Willman UtahHomes.me
Utah Homes - Alpine, UT
Utah Homes

Kathy Streib That's a good question. I'll have to check on that one. We were shipped out a few months later. The church bus story gets shared amongst ourselves at get-togethers.

Bob "RealMan" Timm we probably were more out of place for being way older than everyone else. I'm happy to report that I'm a regular church goer now and am happy to hear people sing (but still feel uncomfortable if I'm sung to.)

Jan 23, 2016 12:23 PM
Chuck Willman UtahHomes.me
Utah Homes - Alpine, UT
Utah Homes

MaryBeth Mills Muldowney I was a little reluctant to share this as I didn't know if I could tell it in a way to convey it with humor. Thanks for the reassurance.

Joan Dickie I'm thankful for that positive comment.

Jan 23, 2016 12:27 PM
Debbie Reynolds, C21 Platinum Properties
Platinum Properties- (931)771-9070 - Clarksville, TN
The Dedicated Clarksville TN Realtor-(931)320-6730

What a great story and I have some that are similar where we hid out at the fire station. Our Sunday School teachers knew and kept saying they missed us. 

Jan 23, 2016 12:45 PM
Chuck Willman UtahHomes.me
Utah Homes - Alpine, UT
Utah Homes

Debbie Reynolds the local donut place did real big business from the church truants.

Jan 23, 2016 12:57 PM
James Dray
Fathom Realty - Bentonville, AR
Exceptional Agents, Outstanding Results

Good morning Chuck.  It seems I've heard this one before.  Regardless, he was right, you can't hide from the Lord.  

Jan 23, 2016 08:20 PM
Chuck Willman UtahHomes.me
Utah Homes - Alpine, UT
Utah Homes

James Dray and sometimes you can't hide from the church bus.

Jan 24, 2016 05:02 AM
TeamCHI - Complete Home Inspections, Inc.
Complete Home Inspections, Inc. - Brentwood, TN
Home Inspectons - Nashville, TN area - 615.661.029

 Good morning Chuck. That is a great story and yes, you cannot hide from God.

Feb 02, 2016 05:35 PM
Erica Love
Brokers Guild Cherry Creek - Colorado Springs, CO

I loved this! It made me laugh. I could totally picture it as you described it :)

Apr 15, 2016 11:33 PM