1st QUARTER REFLECTIONS of 2016:
Since mid-year in 2015, I've been looking forward towards 2016. Why?
Because it's the year I turn 40 and for the first time in almost 40 years, I was actually the most excited. For some reason, I felt that turning 40 is a huge mile marker- a right of passage (so to speak) and in overnight, I may just turned more seasoned and wiser - joining my husband and many of our wonderful friends in Club 40 and Better.
I was planning on a family vacation with the kids and a tattoo too! I felt so clear that God said It was going to be another Best Year yet and so, just like that, 2016 kicked off!
To a very slow start and it isn't quite like this for us (for January). The 1st 3 months were painstakingly slow. Business volume, and naturally the income wasn't there - unlike past years where we just hit the ground running after January 1st.
3 out of 4 months in 2016 we didn't have any closings. I've done this long enough to finally get a rhythm of closings every month, then this hit. Painful cannot come close to describing the feeling of both of us (husband-and-wife team) having 2 young children at home too.
But this is REAL. It happens, even to the best of us!
I went through a period of feeling scared. Fear just wont go ahead. But as a person with faith, I know God will continue to provide - since He's never really sent us to bed hungry. There's no reason for us to think He wont continue to do that for us.
In February, I also faced some of the most disappointing valleys of my 13-year tenure as a realtor. Because I LOVE people deeply, I hurt deeply as well - in the midst of human/ client disappointment. Over a period of 2 weeks, I prayed and cried (ALOT) and asked God to heal my heart. He did, by telling me that dissappointment in this business, sometimes isn't about me.
I must come to accept that sometimes I'm not in someone's plan and they are not in mine and I have to be okay with that. Do you know how reliving that must feel? That I dont have to go out there to pursue every business there is out there.
Little did I know that all that heart-hurting business cannot even come close to losing my brother-in-law in Singapore. He is incredibly young - he just turned 45 3 days after Christmas 2015. He leaves behind a young widow (my husband's sister) and our niece - 11 years old. He passed on unexpectedly in early March. Something that caught ALL of us off guard. Although I dont get to see him as often as we liked, and the last time was at Christmas 2014, I didn't realize how much I love him and how much he meant to me until now. Our family is also in deep grieve for our sister and niece. Their lives will never be the same. They lost the leader in their home and the rest of us must still carry on with our lives.
So, is there really something to look forward to being "40" anymore?
I've never felt the need to depend on Him as much as I do these days. I'm finally feeling like every breadth that I take depends so much on His grace alone.
For the past week or so, I can barely sleep (and those who know me knows I already sleep very little) and I can barely eat.
I know our days are numbered. I still choose to make every day count, especially with my family. But for obvious reasons, I dont worry much about the provision anymore. All those goals I have, are all just set by me in my head and the fear of not reaching them are just that - in my head.
If I lived another day longer, I will want to make it count for the living. I heard a great podcast this morning as I was running - about GOALS & GRATITUDE.
We must set out goals, reach dreams and desires and at the same time, be conscious about the "wishing" part that we don't forget to be THANKFUL for the things we have. Because the things may very well be the things others are setting out to have and desire. I thought it was profound.
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