Remove the M and the deal will go much smoother.

Real Estate Agent with Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties Licensed in Connecticut

unemotional real estateYears ago I was opening a listing of mine for an agent to show to his buyer. The house had an alarm, and it is my custom never to give out the alarm code to someone else. It is not always convenient, but it is the right thing for me to do. Other agents give out the codes, but I don't even like to take them. I want the alarm off when I get to the house. Doesn't always work that way, but that is what I prefer. (This is not a judgment on how others do business, only how I handle my listings that are alarmed.)

Anyway, back to the agent I met that day. He arrived and loudly announced that he was going to sell this house. That was even before his client arrived. Funny thing is, he did, and to that buyer. But what I found most interesting is that he made a statement that has stuck in my head all these years.


It did take me by surprise, and I had to think about it for a few. It fit in my idea of how life should be. We are not competing, we should be working together for a common goal! 

The deal went off without a hitch. Everyone was happy, the agent was a dream to work with. My seller was happy with his price, the buyer was happy with the price. I was happy, the buyers agent was happy, we were all just HAPPY!

That missing "M" spoke volumes. 

When I get an offer in on one of my listings, I look at it as a great opportunity. Here is my seller, who wants to sell, here I am, I want to sell it for my client. Along comes a buyer and an agent who have the same goal in mind, they want the house to sell too! There is one tiny difference though, I admit that. My seller wants to get the best price possible for the house and it is my job to do that. And the buyer also wants to purchase the house for the best price possible and that job falls to their agent. 

Opposite and yet not. All are on the same page, different paragraph. We are not competing, we are working together to try and accomplish the goal. 

Antagonizing, bullying, name calling,, sarcasm, creating obstacles, these should not have a place in a real estate deal. And I'm not talking about our clients! I can remember one agent who wholeheartedly believed it was duty, perhaps even protocol, to beat the other agent up as hard as possible to get the best price for the client. As agents we are the professionals and should not entertain that type of behavior at all. 

Clients can become frustrated. I get that. After all, it is their money, their home, their future on the line in a real estate deal. And frustrations can run high. Frustration can cause people to behave in a manner they might not otherwise display. I work hard at letting that roll off my back. And never discussing the event after the fact. 

selling real estateRemaining calm is ultra important, showing respect to all concerned is key. I think we all want respect in one form or another. 

So take the "M" out of competitor and let's all get to the finish line together. Find a mutually agreeable price or move on to another home, another buyer, another seller, whichever it appropriate to your side of the transaction. 


Co-petition, it works so much better at keeping people calm in a transaction. 



Posted by

Andrea Swiedler, Realtor, Southern Litchfield County Real Estate

2017 President, Greater New Milford Board of Realtors

2017 Connecticut Magazine 5 Star Realtor


 Search homes for sale in Litchfield County, CT.


Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage

Litchfield County Regional Office,375 Danbury Rd, New Milford, CT 06776


© Andrea Swiedler 2009 - 2017

 Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain


Re-Blogged 3 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Jeff Dowler, CRS 11/15/2016 04:35 AM
  2. Debbie Reynolds 11/16/2016 04:00 AM
  3. Rebecca H. Shaffer 11/15/2016 09:51 AM
Home Selling
Connecticut Litchfield County
POSITIVE ATTITUDE for the Weary Soul
Cosmic Cow Pie...The Rome Way
Bartender, Make it a Double
Old Farts Club
working together
selling real estate
litchfield county real estate

Post a Comment
Spam prevention
Spam prevention
Show All Comments
Bernadette A. James
Serving Sugar Land, Missouri City, Richmond and Pearland - Sugar Land, TX
Broker-Associate, Keller Williams Realty SW

Very well said! After all, the object of the exercise is to get the property S-O-L-D!

Nov 15, 2016 11:54 PM #55
Claudette J. Davis
Keller Williams Preferred Properties - Upper Marlboro, MD
"All Your Real Estate Resources Under One Roof"

Thank you for that reminder. As I reflect back, my smoothest transactions have been those with agents who shared that same culture of getting it done with our clients as "priority one".

Nov 16, 2016 12:04 AM #56
Barbara Flannery
USA Realty,Inc. - London, KY
"Homes for Everyone In London Kentucky"

Great post
Have a great Real Estate Week 😄

Nov 16, 2016 12:13 AM #57
Anna Hatridge
Goodson Realty - Farmington, MO
Missouri Realtor with Goodson Realty

I love your attitude!  Great post.

Nov 16, 2016 12:21 AM #58
Anna Banana Kruchten CRB, CRS 602-380-4886
Phoenix Property Shoppe - Phoenix, AZ
Arizona's Top Banana!

Andrea no need for the M at anytime in our business.  Professionalism is the key to a long and succesful business.

Nov 16, 2016 12:59 AM #59
Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089
Hawai'i Life Real Estate Brokers - Haiku, HI
Maui Real Estate sales and lifestyle info

It's so much nicer without the antagonism and that feeling that there has to be a winner and a loser. The best scenario is when everyone is a winner.

Nov 16, 2016 01:15 AM #60
Norma Skeete
Samson Properties - Arlington, VA

So true, although sometimes I wonder what is going on with the agent on the other side.  Great post!

Nov 16, 2016 01:51 AM #61
M.C. Dwyer
Century 21 Showcase REALTORs - Felton, CA
Santa Cruz Mountains Property Specialist

Andrea this was such a worthy feature post.    From the comments, I see most of us AR members feel the same way, but if your story educates or converts some newbies or not-yet-AR agents to a better way of handling negotiations, it will be even more of a win-win for everyone involved.     If I were looking for an agent in Southern Litchfield County I'd definitely consider you!

Nov 16, 2016 02:02 AM #62
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

If all agents had your attitude, real estate would have a much better reputation!

Nov 16, 2016 02:29 AM #63
Mary Hutchison, SRES, ABR
Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate-Kansas City Homes - Kansas City, MO
Specializing in Brookside, Waldo, Prairie Village

This is the best attitude to have when working with another agent--you both  have the same goals, to pull off a successful deal for both parties as stress free as possible.

Nov 16, 2016 04:46 AM #64
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Connecting you to the L.A. real estate market

Now that is a success story.  You know how a transaction is going to go right from the beginning and I dread those deals you know are going to be difficult. It is great when everyone is working together. I think I am in one of those right now. It makes life so much pleasanter.

Nov 16, 2016 06:42 AM #65
Ron Saporito, Palm Desert, CA Real Estate & Mortgage Broker Since 2003
Ronald Christopher & Associates. Proudly serving Palm Desert, La Quinta, Indio, Coachella, Rancho Mirage, Palm Springs. - Indio, CA
Call (760)574-8486.

I agree Andrea. My wife and I say this all the time. It makes no sense to me at all when one agent is a bully or whatever you'd like to call it. On a second note, I often find a house that is terrific and I will put it in my mind to sell it just as this agent did. 

Nov 16, 2016 08:48 AM #66
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Andrea Swiedler - I envy you. I am used to the fact that there is no such things as smooth closing. Even though I have to admit that some are smoother than others.

Too often I watch the drama unfolding, and no matter how many years you are doing this, surprises come every time.

So, when things go smoothly, I think it is closer to miracle.

Nov 16, 2016 10:55 AM #67
James (Jim) Lawson, DBA LLC - Bonita Springs, FL
Broker Associate, RSPS, BPOR, HI & PE

Make it work in an ethical and professional way with grins all around. Thanks Andrea for reminding us what our job is all about.

Nov 16, 2016 02:11 PM #68
Dorie Dillard
Coldwell Banker United Realtors® ~ 512.346.1799 - Austin, TX
Serving Buyers & Sellers in NW Austin Real Estate

Good morning Andrea Swiedler ,

I'm so glad to see this post written! We are all in this to make deals works and leaving our Me out of the equation will definitely help move things along. Congrats on a well deserved featured post!

Nov 16, 2016 07:34 PM #69
John Peak
Get Your FREE BPO Company List - Adelaide, WA

Very good point.  I wish you would tell that to some agents around here

Nov 16, 2016 07:42 PM #70
Eva B. Liland with Century 21 Doug Anderson
Century 21 Doug Anderson - Lancaster, CA
Glad to be of Service

Not only removing the M inside your office but outside as well, great thinking!

Nov 16, 2016 11:05 PM #71
Theresa Akin

This is a great post not only about omitting the 'm" but also about just having respect for all parties involved in the transaction. I remember a few times a couple more 'productive" agents than I, brought up the fact that I was not a 'top listor". I represented many buyers. I tried to be as courteous and professional as possible. I stated to the other agents also , isn't the object of the transaction to give the best deal that satisfies both the seller and the buyer. I hate competition wehn often it produces condescending behavior of one or more parties. 

Nov 17, 2016 12:58 AM #72
Dan Derito
Success! Real Estate - Brockton, MA

Wonderful post Andrea.  It's how many of us think things should run, but don't know how to spell it out as eloquently as you have.

Nov 17, 2016 08:48 AM #73
Anne Corbin
Fritz Realty LLC - Spotsylvania, VA
Serving Lake Anna & Central Virginia

Hit the nail on the head

Nov 23, 2016 07:45 AM #74
Post a Comment
Spam prevention
Show All Comments

What's the reason you're reporting this blog entry?

Are you sure you want to report this blog entry as spam?


Andrea Swiedler

Realtor, Southern Litchfield County CT
Learn more about my powerful marketing program for your home!
Spam prevention

Additional Information