Are you really listening?

By
Real Estate Agent with Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 PA License - AB067198
http://activerain.com/droplet/4YBs

Are you really listening?

 As I travelled the last few days I was reading a book about negotiation. I came across the following statement:

Negotiation

If you agree, then negotiation is the art of listening, to uncover the information you need. One of my goals for this year is to improve my listening. I realized several years ago that I viewedmany conversations as a war to be won and I have worked to change my position. Often whilst listening I was already formulating my response, preparing to speak before I heard everything said. This often led to interruptions. It is hard work to listen, to just listen without thinking but trying to hear what is really being said. It can damage negotiations as well as relatinships.

Encourage the person to speak more, rather than to say your piece, so you understand what they really mean. If we work to listen, allowing the person to explain their position fully we may avoid arguements, misunderstandings and create stronger friendships as well. One of the things so many people complain about is not being heard.

If we make our all encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say they will feel heard and understood. It may require speaking back what they said and asking if that is right, then letting them explain further. It may require asking questions to elicit more information. It will require laying aside your ego and focusing on another person more than yourself.

How many deals fall apart because the parties do not understand what the other side really wants or perceives them as one thing, greedy maybe, because they do not understand where they are coming from due to lack of information because one party of the other failed to listen and hear what was being said by the other.

  • Are you really listening?
  • Are you gathering information or doing all the talking?
  • Are you trying to dominate the conversation, to win the battle?

I have been putting these techniques into practice  and am seeing great results. I realize I still have lots of room for improvement but I would encourage you to give it a try. 

 

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Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Patricia Feager thank you, have a wonderful weekend.

Jan 06, 2017 11:17 AM #8
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Pat Champion thanks for stopping by, listening is always a good thing to work at improving. My other one is to ask better questions and more of them, after listening closely of course.

Jan 06, 2017 11:19 AM #9
Rainmaker
2,552,131
Will Hamm
Hamm Homes - Aurora, CO
"Where There's a Will, There's a Way!"

Hello Nick & Trudy Vandekar,  Great blog and one that more people should read for sure.  Make it a great day!

 

Jan 06, 2017 11:51 AM #10
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Will Hamm have a wonderful weekend and kick this year into gear.

Jan 06, 2017 01:23 PM #11
Rainmaker
335,547
John Wiley
Right Move Real Estate Group- EXP Realty - Fort Myers, FL
Lee County, FL Real Estate GRI, SRES,GREEN,PSA

Listening is not just pausing to let the other have a word.

You are right, both sides need to understand what the other side is wanting.

Thanks

Jan 06, 2017 05:10 PM #12
Rainer
170,986
Ann Wilkins
Bay Sotheby's International Realty - Oakland, CA
Oakland, Berkeley, Piedmont CA

Thank you - a great reminder to really listen.  I find that sometimes I listen but start filtering and editing what is being said.  Similar to thinking up a response while listening.  Trying to be more paitent  and not jump to premature conclusions. 

Jan 06, 2017 05:14 PM #13
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

John Wiley exactly, and if you are busy talking you will never find out what the other side wants.

Ann Wilkins, you hit it on the head. We need more patience and be in the moment rather than the past of the future, just being there listening.

Jan 06, 2017 06:12 PM #14
Rainmaker
1,379,304
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

We have one friend who never listens at all - he lectures. If someone else attempts to inject another thought, he just talks right over us. I've realized that I enjoy the company of another friend so much more because we have actual conversations.

Jan 06, 2017 09:30 PM #15
Rainer
436,260
Kimo Jarrett
WikiWiki Realty - Huntington Beach, CA
Pro Lifestyle Solutions

Listening is important yet more important is the distance or end line that determines the end of negotiating and the next opportunity. Serious negotiators begin with fair and reasonable offers and dismiss other offers without any consideration now or in the future. 

Jan 06, 2017 11:37 PM #16
Rainer
383,803
Anna Hatridge
Goodson Realty - Farmington, MO
Missouri Realtor with Goodson Realty

I am a good listener or so I have been told.  Recently, I have found myself on edge because a buyer would not listen.  I caught myself thinking about how I wish they would reach the end of their rant.  Then I remembered to ask one question,  "So where do you want to go from here?".

Jan 07, 2017 04:35 AM #17
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Marte Cliff I used to be like that, now I try very hard to be in the moment and listen more than I speak.

Kimo Jarrett the quote is from an FBI negotiator who as he put it could not split the difference on hostages, he had to win every time with the other side gaining little or nothing whilst at the same time keeping trust and negotiations open.

Anna Hatridge that is a good question, often they don't really know though, sometimes we have to also ask them more questions to keep the rant going till they reach the stage where they understand what is really underneath their anger or frustration.

Jan 07, 2017 06:34 AM #18
Rainer
349,146
Rose Mary Justice
Synergy Realty Pros - Dandridge, TN
Synergy Realty Pros

I could use some improvement but really try to listen and think before I speak. I do know some people that know it all, and leave no room for a conversation.

Jan 07, 2017 06:39 AM #19
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Rose Mary Justice thanks for stopping by, it is hard work to just listen because our brains are so busy formulating a reply, we need to silence them so we can have that conversation

Jan 07, 2017 07:01 AM #20
Rainmaker
1,362,144
Lyn Sims
RE/MAX Suburban - Schaumburg, IL
Schaumburg IL Area Real Estate

This is a great post as many agents do not listen & say they really do.

It's interesting that's its a hard habit to adopt. I will say with buyers agents - there is a reluctance to share how the buyer feels about something like it is a break of their duties. If you tell how someone feels or the 'why' of the request I think that's a benefit to your buyer.

Buyer wants $5000 in closing costs as an example. Short on downpayment? deal not happening without it? Why not? Why should the seller help you?

All answers would be helpful to the negotiations right?

Jan 07, 2017 09:08 AM #21
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Lyn Sims it is a very hard habit to do effectively.  Takes lots of practice.

Jan 07, 2017 11:26 AM #22
Rainmaker
349,636
Diana Dahlberg
1 MONTH REALTY - Kenosha, WI
Real Estate in Kenosha, WI since 1994 262-308-3563

Great message.  I need to work on having ears to hear!

Jan 07, 2017 04:17 PM #23
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Diana Dahlberg I like the biblical quote, but think we are all in the same boat.

Jan 07, 2017 06:27 PM #24
Rainer
53,175
Dorothy Liu
Alain Pinel Realtors - Los Altos, CA
Broker Associate, Silicon Valley Area,650-492-0859

Truly listening is an art.  Good points

 

Jan 07, 2017 06:56 PM #25
Rainer
182,932
Greg Mona
RE/MAX Platinum Living - Scottsdale, AZ
YOUR Local Real Estate and Design Resource in AZ!

So, so true Nick & Trudy Vandekar.  The thing we must distinguish is the difference between "hearing" and "listening". I find it interesting that one of the most common complaints about fellow Realtors from the general public (and as you pointed out) is "they didn't listen to me nor hear what I wanted them to".  What a shame. The good news is it is something that can be easily improved upon.  Thanks for the great tip to start the new year with!

Jan 09, 2017 10:56 AM #26
Rainmaker
653,157
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Greg Mona thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

Jan 09, 2017 11:05 AM #27
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Rainmaker
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Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line
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