Most of us dive into relationships thinking that it is everything that we ever need. That finding a special someone will complete our “being.”
It takes courage to truly admit that no one and nothing in this planet can complete us.
We are already complete on our own, but the gap caused by ignorance and fear of loneliness cause us to be delusional that is why we enter into toxic relationships.
First and foremost, before I sound like a bitter bitch, I would like to make it clear that I am not saying that all the relationships we encounter are toxic. However, we have to face the inevitable fact, that the toxicity of a relationship is directly dependent on our mindset causing dependence.
For you see, our neuroses are often triggered by what the relationship can and cannot provide us.
The moment there is a gap between what we want out of that relationship, say the least the person within it, it is guaranteed to evoke dozens of problems and delusions to arise.
I am not a relationship guru, I am but someone who finds writing as therapeutic and often wants to share what I found right and wrong. Many will agree and disagree, but I can only hope my words reach those who needs to feel understood momentarily.
Here are the 7 signs your relationship can “kill” you. Kill is quite a strong word to use, but either it slowly kills you physically or kill your dreams, it is just the same.
Any limitation for me seems like death, outside being nihilistic, I hope you find the truth in the word.
1. You are being asked to give up your dreams
It doesn’t have to be your partner asking you to give up your dreams. You see a relationship becomes another entity often times. You don’t just need to satisfy the person you are with, but you need to keep up to the standards of happiness as required by the relationship.
Because of this, the gap between you and whoever you are with begins to widen. You may hear the other person say, I never asked you to do give up on your dreams and you can be in an argument to defend the thought but it will never get to resolution.
Let us just say that it’s because you are fighting with your idea of a relationship in this case and not really the person in it.
Your dreams are as important as your partner’s, unless a relationship is kept in a fluid state and not any of you have to give up anything is the only way possible to acquire stability.
2. You have to justify everything
The moment you feel that you need to justify everything that you do, your choices, your wants and needs, then the relationship is toxic. Try as you may to “will” it to behave the way less stressful, it is no longer malleable.
Again, even if it is not the person you are with who asks the justification, you may feel obliged to justify and prove your choices are right to keep up with what the relationship requires.
The ugliest part of this, is that it may become habitual and you may expect the other person to reciprocate. As it grows, even the tiniest of issues are magnified as giants, causing so much weight on your shoulders making you feel stressed or disinterested.
Once in a while, resolutions may be acquired, but only momentarily.
3. Feeling like a failure
A relationship must make you feel positive and empowered. To feel like a failure is a sign that it is not healthy in every aspect it exists. This is beyond feeling negative and limited. Feeling like a failure much more extreme.
The moment you begin feeling worthless and that any other decision you make is certainly going to fail, it can spill through other aspects of your life. Reset and move on.
Thank the heartbreak and misery of being momentarily lonely in future.
4. You become a different person
Is it still you or just another version of you pretending to be “you” just to keep the relationship in tact? Our minds are so powerful in creating versions of ourselves that goes on autopilot when we interact with other people.
The labels we assume in life are forerunners of how and who we are as we present ourselves to others.
When you are no longer being authentic, or genuine to your true nature you might want to ask if you are also just faking happiness. We tend to easily fall into letting other versions of ourselves that are not aligned to our true nature to take over just to simply remain happy.
In truth, the moment we are alone and being introspection, we question that other part of ourselves, in other words, we begin to ask, “How can I let this happen?”
Be you, authentic and genuine in all interactions and engagements, most importantly remain being authentic inside a relationship.
5. Rewards and punishments
Whether you do it or it is done to you, this is very toxic.
When you begin to feel that a person has to reward you either by gifts or appreciation because of doing something that is against your will, sadly you are in being toyed.
That person may have discovered your weaknesses and instead of caring for those weaknesses, it is being used to manipulate you.
This is very difficult to distinguish in a relationship. For it involves the subtle states of mind. It doesn’t even require someone to be smarter than you, it can be someone who have a keen eye to see through your flaws and use it against you.
Our flaws have massive impact on the stability of our minds. To say that you are truly emotionally and psychologically stable requires understanding and accepting your flaws without falter.
6. Every problem becomes a threat to the relationship
When every problem, regardless of its difficulty becomes a threat to the relationship it is a huge sign saying that you are not in strong and healthy one. If you can easily get out of it, then its best. If not, slowly identify ways either to fix it, or at least fix yourself before you exit so you do not feel broken.
A relationship that can easily be torn apart by the tiniest problem is not a relationship worth keeping.
7. Recording offenses and transgressions
When we hail the relationship as something higher than us, or like what I have mentioned earlier, as another entity outside yourself and the other person you are experiencing it with, then it creates its own version of reality and truth, that both you and your partner considers valid.
In other words, every offense you made to your partner and vice versa, becomes a threat to the relationship, hence, recorded and is a basis for weighing offenses and transgressions in the future.
When this happens, the essence of forgiveness is already lacking in the relationship. To say it more bluntly, there really is no existence of trust, for trust does not dig for records to prove who is right and wrong.
Just simply, get out of this kind of relationship before it kills you.