This is such a heart felt post.   Thank you for sharing your experience with us.  I'm sure it will help someone out there whose mother is suddenly without their father and the idea to move seems best.

My own mother lived in the home she shared with my dad for 13 years after he died.  Moving was like breaking her heart all over again, but she did adjust to her new condo.  Now she can't imagine living that.

Featured in the group:  BARTENDER, MAKE IT A DOUBLE.

Pat McCormick  This was a very informative post . Full of emotion and understanding of how a person might feel when losing a spouse . I have lost a long time spouse but it was in a divorce not death . It was painful but different .

Hi Pat - I'm glad you are finding your way; everyone needs to deal with time in their own way. I hope the healing continues, and the laughter returns to your life.

My best,

Lottie

Good morning Pat. First, sorry for your losses. You learned an important lession and it was a good one to share.

Different children have different responses - like you, many think a move needs to be imminent.  And, like your son, wise as he is, leaves it up to the widow/widower.  Moving in YOUR time prevented those raw, fresh wounds from opening up all over again, so shortly after you found yourself alone.  

Conversely, there are those who fight to stay in their previously shared home, only to become hermits.  My grandmother did that - she wanted to die after my grandfather died and she did everything she could to make that happen naturally.  She was never herself as long as she lived there and refused, for YEARS to move from their home.  When she finally did, she became more social and more appreciative of life. 

So, one never knows just how to encourage or support a loved one in this situation.  You did what you thought was best and you did it with a loving heart.  That's what matters!

BTW, so happy to see you back in the Rain!  Happy Sunday, Pat!

Pat this is truly a heartfelt post from the deepest part of your heart and soul.  It takes great strength and courage to finally be able to express how you're feeling and what you experienced through all of those challenging, difficult times. I'm so happy to hear that you've finally found your balance again and life is looking brighter for you.  Welcome back into the Rain. Come back often!

Pat - I think many of us struggle with life decisions when we lose a parent.  And, since no two of them are alike, it's not always the easiest thing to know whether it's best to keep them in their existing home, move them closer to us, or what.  We often do what we can, and hope for the best.  

Thank you for sharing both sides of the coin. In my case, my mother passed away first and I worried about my dad. We did talk about his possibly moving closer to me and his answer was that he didn't want to leave the last home he shared with my mom. He didn't want to leave the memories. He didn't want to be too far from the cemetery. And because he seemed to still be healthy and in charge of his facilities, I didn't push the issue. After reading your post, I'm very glad I didn't. He passed away in a hospital that was less than a mile from their home; in fact, you could see the hospital from their dining room window. He was near his loved one all the way to the end... and beyond I'm sure.

Thanks for sharing this touching and insightful story Pat.  I always wonder about the feelings of displacement when older people retire and move off to some far off land like Florida.

I was surprised on the day of my mother in laws funeral when my father in law shared with me that he already had his application in at the local assisted living home and was looking to get out of their big home as quick as he could.  She had been in a nursing home for nearly a year before she passed and he was very lonely each day he was in the home without her.

I don't care what happens to my dad.  You won't get my mother out of her house except in a pine box.  Her quote.