The Fertile Soil of Your Business.
The Fertile Soil of Your Mind.
The Fertile Soil That Failing Forward Can Gift You...
I recently interviewed Buffini & Company 's CEO, Dermot Buffini on my co-hosted Mail-Right Real Estate Agent Podcast. Dermot (self proclaimed "student of the game") and I covered a lot of fertile ground and topics. But, one of the most poignant moments for me personally is when I asked him about overcoming set backs. The mindset and methodology of staying the course and being OK with the journey getting off course, yet the direction remaining True North to your goal. The straight line of the journey becoming a squiggly line being OK, as long as you end up at your goal.
Having a propensity to not quit is a big part of this concept. As Dermot said, "It may be a recipe of denial, delusion and a lot of faith in tomorrow." But, then he said something very profound. Dermot said, "When you have a setback, take your time with it. NOT dwell on it, but take the time to learn from the experience." he continued "See, you are either winning or learning".
"When you have a setback, when life happens, have a pen and paper ready and journal on what happened, your role in it, how you are feeling about it, what did you want to happen and what could you have done differently?"
He went on to say quite profoundly, "These moments in your life are rich soil for learning and growth." Ask yourself (and journal):
What did I do?
What was my role in this?
What did I want to happen?
What did I worry about?
What's going on?
How did they respond?
How did I feel?
What actually took place?
It's a healthier way to deal with setbacks. It's a great opportunity to learn about yourself and by using your journal, over time, you begin to see the patterns, how you felt last time, is there a bad pattern in there or are you disrupting the patterns? Are these new problems or "the same old same old" and maybe it's time to get a mentor or a coach? Don't go it alone.
"You are either winning or learning"- Dermot Buffini
Dermot reminds us it's not "if" we're going to have a setback, it's not "if" there's going to be a set back. It's not "if" the conversation will go wrong, it's not "if" the deal will go sideways, etc. ...it's when.
When leading others, when dealing with others, it's important to acknowledge what occurred between you and move forward from it.
You need to be connected to how others feel about what happened, such as your sales team or family if you went through a setback together.
What did we learn from this?
What can we do better from this experience?
Or celebrate the fact that you realized "this is not what we're supposed to be doing" and regroup, set the course under a new "flight-plan" with the education the failure provided. Failure is OK if you fail forward.
Your brain is the most powerful muscle in your body and it's either taking you places positively or taking over your world negatively. If it's an over inflated opinion about who you are or under inflated and selling yourself short, it can be disastrous. You have to keep balancing it with healthy purpose, people and information (i.e. feedback from the failure).
When you ask yourself, "What's my part in this?"
You do not truly learn from the experience if you brush it off-ignore it and move on, you need to reflect on it. Especially if there's a consistency to your problems, setbacks and failures, that common denominator being you. If you are the problem, what needs to change in order to rise above this issue next time? Again, don't go it alone, seek help from a trusted adviser, mentor or coach. Many have gone before you, seek their wisdom, as I sought Dermot's.
Here the interview (or watch it here).
This link provide you with both the Itunes Audio
or the Youtube video of the conversation.
A big thank you to Dermot Buffini for his gracious gift of time and wisdom!
Image 1 courtesy of amenic181 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image 2 courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net