A monologue from the life of a Realtor®
To Parge or Not to Parge
To parge or not to parge? That is the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to just parge the dang wall
Or to suffer the insults of appraisal repair requests,
puting pen to paper and drafting a measured response
And by doing so, end the transaction.
To kill it, and sleep.
And by sleep to say we have had a few drinks first
To end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That transactions are heir to.
‘Tis the consummation for which we devoutly wish.
That and the commission, justly earned.
To drink, to sleep, to wake, to write that response.
Perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of drink and work, what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off the transaction’s coil
Wrapped entirely too tightly around our every thought...
It has to make us stop and think:
how the heck do we get this deal to close?
For who would bear the whips and scorns of the daily grind,
The client’s pangs of buyer’s remorse,
The delayed responses,
The insolence of others who don’t listen to your advice,
Because, honestly, we all know we alone have the answers,
Th’ inspector’s errors, because heaven forbid, it would never be us who err,
And the gall of the worst people
to try to take advantage of the best
When all they had to do was release everything
With one stroke of their pen?
Who would willingly sign up for this?
To venture into houses, so many houses,
Absorbing the dreams of people, so many people,
All the while using skills uncounted to track, to write, to negotiate,
To inform, to protect, and in the end, to honor the intentions
Of clients we hold dear?
Yet in this moment, in the exact here and now,
I have forgotten the question.
Ah, yes, to parge or not to parge.
THAT is the question. Or it was.
And I can’t answer it.
I’ll have to call the appraiser.
Soft you now, oh fair appraiser.
Please, be fair to my client.
I really want this deal to close.