Honestly.....why would I believe you?

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Realty Executives Brio

PredatorOne of my guilty pleasure's is watching Dateline's: To Catch a Predator. For me it's two fold. I love that the spotlight is being shown on such a disgusting aspect of the internet. These perverts need to be exposed and I'm so glad some of our local officials have made it a felony in some areas. There is also something very captivating about watching these sometimes normal (sometimes not of course) guys, errr.....IDIOTS, doing something they obviously know is wrong, yet their libido's have put their brain on the fritz (a phrase that was actually the final Jeopardy question, or is it answer, tonight, with the answer, or is it question, fitting with the final explanation in the link).

Something that almost every one of these imbecile's comes up with at some point in their subsequent interogations is a statement of innocence. And it almost always starts with "Honestly".

"Honestly, I didn't plan on giving any of this Mike's Hard Lemonade to this 13 year old girl, Honest"

"Honestly, I drove four hours from BFE to West Palm Beach and was only planning on talking with this 13 years old boy, even though I raced in the house like a dog in heat, Honest"

"Honestly, I didn't plan on having sex with this 14 year old girl. Oh, the Condoms? Honestly, I didn't plan on needing them, Honest

 

ArrestingI don't watch too much TV, but one of the other shows I like as well is Cops. They always have episodes filmed in King or Pierce Counties here in Washington. I have two cousins that have both made appearances on the show. Unlike most of you yahoos, my cousins are on the right side of the camera, County Sheriffs (although I have a few relatives who have probably made the other side, as we all do). My girlfriend's father is a Seattle Police Officer, as well, so I have a deep respect for the men and women that uphold the law.

Well wouldn't you know it, something similar happens when one of the stars of that show (on either side of the camera by the way) is finally ready to come clean. They begin by giving us an indication of their impending candor. 

"Honestly officer, that crack in my purse isn't mine. Well yes it's my purse, but I swear, that crack isn't mine"

Often times followed by the officer responding with much the same honesty. "Let me be honest with you, you're going to be in jail for a long time and honestly we won't be able to get much for your car at auction"

 

When did it become necessary to preface upcoming statements with "honestly"?

 

I say it. (I'm going to make a real effort in the future not to, but I do now) I'm not a liar. One time I stretched the truth to benefit myself ("no honey, those jeans don't make you look fat")(wait, does saying I've only done it once make it twice, uh oh) but I certainly don't make a habit of telling people what they want to hear, or outright lying to people. All the same, I still find myself prefacing some of the statements I make with "honestly"

Shouldn't it go without saying? Well of course it should. Let's just assume that what is coming out of my mouth is the truth without me having to assure you.

 

There are a couple of reason I can think of for why people feel the need to let us know of their imminent honesty.

 

1. The topic being discussed has a lot of room for interpretation and a vast amount of information available for someone to consider. Mortgages are a great example of this. With all the information out there for a consumer to digest, you want them to know that the advice they are getting from you is credible. "Let me be honest with you, that other company may be able to get you 5%, but they are crooks.......(Honestly, I don't know what mortgage people say, haha). The majority of people who start off a sentence by declaring honesty, are probably in this boat. Not a bad boat to be in, but to me it just indicates that their are times when you aren't honest.

2. You have been less than honest with that same person in the past. If you have a history of dishonesty with someone, it might make you (and them) feel better to let them know up front what to expect from you. I can't recall a specific instance, but I'm sure this method was popular with our beloved former president, Bill Clinton. He was certainly less than honest with us in regards to a few things, and probably spent the last years of his presidency delivering speeches laden with "honestly". (Honestly, the same can probably be said about our current president, or politicans in general, but I digress......how about Obama, he seems like a straight shooter to me, I'll bet you don't hear him having to qualify what he says..........wait, further off topic)

3. You have been less than honest with other people about the same topic but really intend on being honest with this next person. This is one of which I have been guilty. Sometimes when dealing with and trying to motivate sales people, you stretch the truth just a tad to get it to fit with their goals and perceptions. There are some people that are not motivated by the fact that our leads have a 2% closing rate, they are too lazy to make 50 calls to close a deal. For them, "Honestly, most of our agents close these leads at about a 2% clip, but I think with your great sales skills, you can probably be somewhere in the 7-10% range." 

4. You are about to lie. This is what the Predators and the perps are doing. "Honestly officer, I am about to lie to you, and I just wanted to let you know by starting off my declaration with the word that means the exact opposite of what I intend on doing"

(Don't worry though, if you finish it off with "I swear to God" then you will have successfully completed the lying double negative makes it a statement of fact routine and will no doubt be found innocent in a court of law) 

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Rainer
14,835
Brian Papaccio
Wells Fargo Home Loans - Newark, DE
I just can't get the amusment factor from this show.  And it is true that the show does help get these people off of the streets, at least for a little while.  A couple weeks back, they caught a guy for the 2ND TIME.  The really sick ironic part is he came to the house after his arraignment hearing that morning from the last time he got caught!
Feb 28, 2007 02:22 AM #23
Rainer
117,743
Ken Bell
Realty Executives Brio - Bellevue, WA

Tim

Your wife is very wise and thank you

Brian

I just can't get the amusement factor from this show

I tried to articulate my amusement but didn't do a very good job. I had to go back to the dictionary to better articulate it

1 a archaic : to divert the attention of so as to deceive b obsolete : to occupy the attention of : ABSORB c obsolete : DISTRACT, BEWILDER
2 a : to entertain or occupy in a light, playful, or pleasant manner <amuse the child with a story> b : to appeal to the sense of humor of 

I would like to use the first definition of amusement to defend my statement. :). It is amusing in that it serves to occupy the attention of..........like I said, it also infuriates and sickens me.  

Feb 28, 2007 02:39 AM #24
Rainmaker
236,252
SEO Expert: Michael George
Phoenix, AZ
Real Estate and Law Firm SEO

Honestly, I loved this post.  I think it's the best one I've read since I joined AR a couple of weeks ago.

1.) I also love To Catch A Predator.  I love how the guys take orders from Chris Hanson.  That's just too much!

2.) I have a bad habit of saying "honestly."  I once read in a sales-inspirational-type book that one should never start a sentence with "Honestly" or "To tell you the truth..."  According to the book (I wish I could remember the damn name...honestly!), you should never pepper your speech with these items because it implies (to the client) that everything else you say is a lie.

Did you see the episode where the guy completely disrobes as soon as he enters the house.  Than Chris Hanson interviews him in a robe.  How mortifying!  I love it!  So this is what a guilty pleasure is.

Good stuff sir!

Feb 28, 2007 03:54 AM #25
Anonymous
MJ

nicely done Bob, my question is why are so many people shocked when someone they know is known for lieing, now wants you to believe they are going to tell the truth this time. My favorite is "Honestly this is the first time I have ever done this" or "Honestly I'm not sure what I was doing".

I have never started my sentence with "Honestly" or "Let me be honest" ended it with "Honestly" why would I? Isn't that just letting the person whom you are speaking with know that you are infact a liar, but this time you are going to tell the truth? How about this one? :I have no need to lie to you so let me be honest" Yea Right!!!!

Then there are those on the show "To catch a preditor" (and in our work place ) that try to tell us that they are indeed just stupid. You know the ones "you know I have watched this program before" and "Honestly I didn't think I was that stupid". What they whould really be saying is "I am a sick person and need to be put away for a very long time before someones dad catches me", or "I hope the boss doesn't find out waht I did"

What a great world we live in.

Feb 28, 2007 04:05 AM #26
Rainer
188,704
Laurie Manny
Long Beach CA Real Estate - Long Beach, CA

I love those Dateline shows.  I sit there and cheer the cops on.  What a bunch of slimy creeps!  I caught my 14 year old niece on myspace with a profile that was sure to attract some of them and I completely lost it.  

It should be mandatory watching for these kids in the classroom and at home.  Great show.

 

Feb 28, 2007 04:08 AM #27
Rainer
64,790
Kelli Fronabarger
Bend River Realty Inc. - Bend, OR
Realtor - Bend Oregon

Having three daughters, I regulary watch the show. It never ceases to amaze me of just how dangerous it is to be a child these days. Good post. Just reiterates some of the reasons I am leary of statements beginning or ending with "honestly".

Feb 28, 2007 04:10 AM #28
Rainer
151,726
Cynthia Sloop
Community Association Manager - Indianapolis, IN

Honest you brought up a good point!  lol  (just couldn't resist)  While reading what many of the people who've been caught said and always throwing that word "honest" in with it, I saw how much that is a trigger word that sends red flags up when used.  I will be careful how I state something, especially if "honest" is in it somewhere.  I always think back to the idea of "actions speak louder than words."

Feb 28, 2007 04:25 AM #29
Rainmaker
45,458
Ryan Allie
Living Puget Sound - Des Moines, WA
Creating Your Puget Sound Lifestyle
Great post!!! I'm sure you have never said "Hosnestly" when picking up on a girl in a bar. HAHA. But how should I know.I always crack up when I hear it because I know at that point the person is full of it. 
Feb 28, 2007 07:29 AM #30
Rainer
117,743
Ken Bell
Realty Executives Brio - Bellevue, WA

Karen

There was one episode where the guy came in the house and attempted to jump over a couch to get after a 13 year old boy. Quite disturbing but so glad that he is charged with a felony. He needed it.

MJ

Thanks for commenting buddy. You should get involved here at ActiveRain and get your voice out there. You have lots of good things to say. I'm sure everyone would welcome you with open arms (you'd fit right in with that bald head).

Laurie

I agree. These days there are too many 13 and 14 year old kids that think they know more than they do. They have no idea how dangerous the world is. It's up to the parents to educate them (or there awesome aunt), assuming they are around.

Kelli

I have my first child on the way so this will be something new for me. With 3 daughters I'm sure you are vigilant in keeping them safe.

Cynthia

Well said. Actions do speak louder than words. That's the beauty of what Chris Hansen does when he confronts them. He has their actions right there in front of him. 

Ryan

Haha!!! I've changed in the last...........couple days, er, I mean months...........years. You don't even know me man!!!! haha 

Feb 28, 2007 08:15 AM #31
Rainer
132,216
David A. Podgursky PA
THE PODGURSKY GROUP @ Re/Max Direct - Boynton Beach, FL
THE PODGURSKY GROUP - Make the Right Move!

Just for the record... I think the predators are disturbed people and deserve what they get in court... I just do believe that the public nature of their humiliation will lead to some of them getting let off - and thereby being made available to do it again...

just look at the episodes where they have repeat offenders! people that have been on dateline before!

I don't condone any of it... I just think it is in a legal grey area that could be seen as biasing the case.  If it is on national television and seen in reruns, how can they find an impartial jury to convict?? 

My gripe is that it is yet another case of the media crossing the line and tampering with the judicial system.  I don't want them to get off... I believe in the right of everyone to be free from this sort of problem in their family's neighborhoods... but I believe that somewhere, somehow Dateline is going to screw up and let someone really bad off the hook - and it will come back to hurt someone.

 And about the comment about the non-violent DUI arrest... I have seen VERY few traffic stops besides a speeding ticket that only involved ONE police cruiser.  I made a comment to my wife one night that the cop that was chasing someone several cars ahead of us looked like an explosion of lights which is obviously for intimidation, not just visibility...

I've seen cars pulled over by 4-5 cruisers... maybe it was someone they suspected of something big... but it looks like a LOT of intimidation for one or two suspects...

Feb 28, 2007 02:28 PM #32
Rainer
1,150
Kristina Evtimova
Silver State Mortgage - Kirkland, WA

I couldn't agree more with Ann Commings........if you've lied before, why would you be any different now, regardless the subject! Very impressive posting Bob, the subject suits you perfectly. I see that you've done a lot of research on what "honesty" means and how people tend to use that word. Its funny isn't it, one word that supposedly should mean the same to all of us, sometimes mean different to others. People use it time and time again with whatever twisted meaning they have behind it. Exactly like the cop stories you are telling though, everything comes to an end and the little add to honesty that people use for this last chance, "Swear to god" means nothing at all.

I would rate your story with a full 5; you've captured it great. The psycho's that you are talking about from the shows, I agree 100%. However, these are not the only kind of people that abuse the meaning of honestly.

Anyway, I can comment on your story all day but I don't have the time, I think you got the meaning of my comment.

Apr 09, 2007 11:19 AM #33
Rainmaker
594,298
Neal Bloom
Brokered by eXp Realty LLC - Weston, FL
Realtor CRS-Weston FL Real Estate
Funny because I always see this show on TV and it amazes me how the people just stay on camera like they want to be caught and know they have a problem. It must be very embarassing to them and I just can't understand the sickness but I guess since I am somewhat normal that is why I do not understand it.
Jun 17, 2007 01:27 AM #34
Rainmaker
559,172
Maggie Dokic | Miami, FL | 888.883.8509 X101
eXp Realty LLC - Miami, FL
GREEN, CDPE, SFR, Pinecrest | Palmetto Bay |
I had missed this.  What a fabulous post!  It brought to mind something from the best book of all, 'let your YES be yes, and your NO be no.' (or some such thing)  Honestly! (that was totally there for effect, ok?)
Aug 16, 2007 08:12 PM #35
Ambassador
1,091,863
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE
Or...how about the "you can trust me".....NOT.
Aug 28, 2007 06:46 PM #36
Rainer
117,743
Ken Bell
Realty Executives Brio - Bellevue, WA

Maggie,

Thanks. I wish I had more time to come up with stuff like this more often. My time is so stretched thin these days. Some day I will have something good to say again........haha

Sally,

There are a million variations of it.................."you can trust me" is probably one of the sleaziest forms :)

It was nice speaking with you this evening. Seriously, if you ever have any questions about ActiveRain (or where to stay when you visit the Seattle area) feel free to give me a call. 

Aug 28, 2007 07:12 PM #37
Ambassador
1,091,863
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Bob: Thanks a bunch....like everyone keeps saying ...it's different when speaking on the phone (by your writing I knew it would be pleasant) I have cousins in the Seattle area. He retired from Boeing and his son is an attorney there.  (not all of us remained in Hawaii haha) Thanks a bunch!

P.S. My step mom lives in Tacoma.

Aug 29, 2007 07:10 AM #38
Rainmaker
299,353
Kathy McGraw
CELLing Realty - White Water, CA
Riverside County CA Real Estate

Bob,

"Trust me"  .......now why would you think this was a red flag?  Were you in Law Enforcement in your previous life :) :) 

  Personally I like it, then I know to put on my bullet proof vest before they get any closer.........

 

Aug 31, 2007 01:26 PM #39
Rainer
117,743
Ken Bell
Realty Executives Brio - Bellevue, WA

Sally,

You are so welcome. I have lots of friends and family that live in Tacoma.

 

Kathy,

Never been in law enforcement myself but I have quite a few relatives that are. I've heard so many crazy stories from these guys that it would blow your mind. In fact my father-in-law just showed up on a "wildest police chases" episode from a video that his department filmed about 15 years ago and they sent in something like 8 years ago...........I guess they are heading deep into the vault now to feed the publics appetite for these kinds of videos.......... 

Sep 01, 2007 08:55 AM #40
Ambassador
592,622
Rich Jacobson
Fathom Realty West Sound - Poulsbo, WA
Your Kitsap County WA Real Estate Broker
I am the same as you....for whatever reason, I find myself engrossed in watching this show. My wife thinks "I'm" the pervert for watching it. But seriously, it's amazing what goes through these guys minds when discovered and confronted. But it's also like watching "Fatal Attraction" and thinking, could something like this ever happen to me? What guarantee do I have? How do these seemingly 'normal' guys make the leap to such a morally reprehensible act? Maybe I'm thinking too deep here.....back to work!
Sep 05, 2007 09:14 AM #41
Rainer
119,269
Rob Robinson- Lehigh Valley PA
Bertrum Settlements (Title & Abstract) - Allentown, PA

What's weird is they are all Mortgage Consultants.

 

:^)

Sep 05, 2007 02:02 PM #42
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